"Donald's Redemption" - by Dark Side of the Monkey


Donald and his very ugly friend Billy were canoeing in botswana, when God appeared before them as a talking trout. Unfortunately, Billy was too dumb to realise this and hit Donald, saying, "It's a trout! OOOH!"

"SILENCE!" boomed the angry fish-god. "I command you to eat ten pounds of peanut butter while making love to a Disney pez dispenser!" Donald and Billy stared blankly at one another, confused.

And that's when one of them was smited. And died. To everyone's amusement, it was very ugly Billy. So donald got out the ketchup and poured some on his friend's corpse. Necrophilia. It's for dinner, and it tastes like chicken.

Then donald got confused. "Why do you command me to do freakish things, God?"

And God said unto him "Because All your base are belong to Gus."

"Who's Gus?" Donald asked.

"Just a second", said God, suffocating Plato. "You were saying?"

"I wanted to know who Gus was," Donald repeated.

And that's when Nietzsche walked by. He said "Gus? Oh, I'll tell you about Gus. Gus was not very important. Let's concentrate on my sex life." Nietzsche showed them some obscene personal photos he'd been carrying. One of them featured Gus. Donald looked closer and realized this "Gus" was none other than Augustus Caesar.

Suddenly, Gus descended from the heavens as a vision of light. "Hey, only I'm allowed to do that!" protested God. Then Gus kicked God's ass and ran away laughing. God lay sprawled on the ground, eating Gus' dust. Nietzche's prophecy had been fulfilled. God truly was dead, now.

Now alone in the canoe, Donald and Nietzche decided to fulfill God's last commandment to them, said a while back. But Nietzche was allergic to Peanut Butter. It made him die. "Hey, we don't have to obey God anymore!" explained Donald.

"He's onto my kinky sex game" thought the perverted Nietzche. Suddenly alien warships descended from the sky. That's when Donald was struck dumb. Unable to speak, forever.

"Well, that sure was odd," remarked Donald.

The aliens poked their heads out of the spaceship and said, "Hey, we died three posts before this!" then vanished.

Donald and his very ugly friend Billy were ice fishing in Arizona when it got so cold that Billy got frost bite. That's when the Yeti came in. By parachute. Billy got out his cell phone and called the Enquirer.

To his surprise, Billy's old lover Doug worked there. Unbeknownst to Billy, Doug was also Donald's mother's bastard child. Which would make Donald a half-brother to Billy's lover. Unfortunately for Donald, the Yeti was also his half brother.

But, none of that stuff mattered much at... Lake Sarcasm!!! The Yeti stomped over to Donald and stared at him. "Oh, it's so nice to see you!" Donald said... sarcastically!!!

"I'm so sorry I didn't call you back" Yeti said.

"Oh, I'm soooo sure you -- " Donald was interrupted by The Sarcasm Police, who wrote him a heafty ticket. Donald kicked the cop in the shins and ran away.

But first, Donald did this - - to the other cop.

Billy jumped into the fray to defend Donald, like this: