Miner comes to town after months in the hills, looking for a good time...
Miner asks bartender what they do for a good time around there, and
the bartender explains while there's not much in the way of action, there
is "Old Joe", and he seems to be quite popular...
"Naw", the miner says, "I don't go in for that sort of thing." And back
off to the hills he goes...
This is repeated every year for several years... same story each time to
town for the miner... each time the miner says, "I don't go in for that sort
of thing."
And back off to the hills he goes...and consequently, the miner becomes
just a tad "edgy" over the years...
So one year he summons the courage to ask the bartender, "Just who
would know about this thing with Old Joe and me?"
The bartender explains, "Well, there's you and me and Old Joe, of
course..."
"And then them four other fellas." he continued...
"What four other fellas?" the miner asks...
"Well, them four other fellas it takes to hold him down... because Old
Joe don't go in for that sort of thing either..."
A Penguin started having trouble with his car, so he took it in to the auto
repair shop.
The mechanic told him that it would only take a few minutes to check
out the problem and if the penguin wanted, he could wait in the ice
cream shop across the street.
The penguin decided that was what he would do. So, he goes into the
ice cream shop and asks for a dish of vanilla ice cream.
Well, since a penguin has no hands to hold a spoon, he just bends over
and starts eating the ice cream with his beak.
When he's finished, he walks back to check on his car. When he walks
in to the repair shop, the mechanic tells him, "Well, sir I'm sorry to say
that it looks like you blew a seal".
Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?"
So, to the back fence they all went to check it out. First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.
Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.
Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, "$2,700. "The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy," he said $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas."
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