What if ...
Much of creativity comes from imagining a situation or premise and building upon it, namely asking yourself the question "What if ... ?" and answering it. That's the name of this game. Someone asks a "What if ..." question, and you chime in with anything in answer to that question. Variety is encouraged, don't be shy to use pictures, sounds, news reports, mock journal entries, unrelated original story fragments, etc. We'll run the structure like "Aye Aye Caption", but we'll extend the answering window to 48 hours before that judge forfeits their right. I'll start us off -
I suspect there'd be an attempted overthrow of governing at a large Scottish farm but Napoleon and his team of chickens would fail and be sent into exile by several nihilistic pigs. Wouldn't make the news or anything.
"There are people who long for immortality, who don't know what to do on a rainy afternoon."
What if Napoleon were reincarnated as a chicken?
I'd like to submit this only in the spirit of participation, rather than competition. (I know that's the point anyway, but I just want to make it clear). So, this is just to get things started, and not part of the "game", if you will...
excerpt from "Private Empire", Chapter the Tenth
Failure on this latest campaign seemed inevitable. The vast landscape to the North remained heavily fortified, its population entrenched for some time with seemingly endless supplies. Production had yet to slow despite all efforts to compromise their transport from the East. Unable to muster any enthusiasm from his often uninterested troops, it slowly dawned on Napoleon that retreat was inevitable.
His private hell had become the realization that, ultimately, he was indeed just a chicken, doomed to possess the most brilliant strategical military mind in all of history, but unable to actualize his own will. The livestock to the north end of the farm had been his primary adversary for so long -- nearly 3 weeks -- yet he'd been unable to map out his invasion to the other chickens in his coup. He could not speak a single word, or diagram a single concept with his limitted anatomy. Pecking several noncompliant chickens to death had no effect on the others, who he'd hoped to call into action through intimidation. Content to live out their lives as simple cogs in an agricultural production machine, they were incapable of appreciating the scope of Napoleon's vision for something greater.
It was this pure vision of greatness that Napoleon would cling to in his darkest hours on Peterson's Farm. So often moved to take his own life by flinging his body onto Farmer Jack's pitchfork, Napoleon was rescued only by the dream of once more returning to battle. "La gloire de l'empire sera la mienne de nouveau!" he'd cry out, in his mind. It was in these desperate moments that the true measure of this chicken was determined, as obstacles looming larger than any Prussian resistance continually threatened his steadfast determination.
Edited by: ThunderDroid at: 6/8/01 11:49:42 am
Two legs bad, four legs good
The heart and ambitions of a chicken don't matter. Ultimately, Napoleon would be just another caged animal scheduled for slaughter and subject to the whim and will of the farmer who could let him live another season or have him on the dinner table by that evening. The only thing that makes Napoleon Napoleon is that he was born in the privileged race, as a chicken he's just another neck waiting for the ax.
Quote: What if punctuation was suddenly outlawed days after the stock market collapsed?
WHO KNEW
Associate Press
New York NY
Less than one week ago the most dramatic stock market crash in history sent the worlds economy spiraling down into hopeles oblivion The Dow Jones Industrial Average the NASDAQ the S&P 500 and dozens of interational market indexes sold off their shares in record number nearly crippling Western Culture in a matter of hours
So the incredible turnaround in global fortunes yesterday is nothing short of a miracle The suspiciously timed legislation on punctuation banishment throughout English speaking cultures has had an unprecedented unimaginable unfathomable and nearly unbelievable effect on the world economy As the closing bell rang on trading yesterday the Dow Jones had reached its highest peak in history as did every major index on earth The ban on punctuation at first lambasted by critics of the proposal who felt swearing during a time of economic crisis was essential have now embraced the undeniable advantages of this legislation Punctuation as it turns out had been forcing producers of printed media in all forms to needless waste paper and ink to accomodate these textual crutches upon which our society has leaned its weight for so long Now liberated from needless dots and slashes in our writing the entire publishing industry has enjoyed its greatest boost since the printing press itself was invented centuries ago
Now free to lower the production costs on magazines newspapers books pamphlets and other forms of printed media the publishing idustry had passed on their reduction in costs to consumers across the globe business and personal In a matter of days the price of the New York times dropped ten cents and thousands of newspapers throughout the world followed similar patterns It's almost incredulous Richard Lennox a stock market historian and financial analyst for Forbes Magazine commented to think that simply eliminating punctuation from all English text could ever have such a sweeping effect on our economy And what strange timing don't you think
The money freed up from publishing costs was then circulated quickly throughout
Re: What if ...
If there were no punctuation the vile runon sentence people would suddenly climb out of their caves and take over jobs that were previously reserved by people with coherent thoughts who KNEW how to form sentences however that suddenly became irrelevant once punctuation became an archaic pasttime think of it NO BEGINNING and NO END to sentences people just ranting and writing away with no beginning why it would be the beginnings of anarchy ANARCHY I TELL YOU
I think Pauly Shore had something goin with that "I'm the weasel". I have now truly become a ferret. My infatuation for my pet Chisel, who happens to be a ferret, has grown into pure unadulterated love. I don't know what happened. One day those beady eyes pierced my soul and said "come and take me I am yours". I have taken up ferret mating calls. I have read every book on ferret body language. I bought 4 different types of ferret costumes. Chisel simply doesn't look at me the same way anymore. I no longer take off the ferret costume, as I said, I AM a weasel now. I sleep in Chisel's cage. He poops on me now. The ultimate disrespect. WHY won't Chisel love me? He gave me that look once, but nay, never again. I have ceased speaking to him in human language, and only use weasel sounds that I have mastered, yet he merely jumps on my head and takes bites on my furry fake ear. I even took him out to the movies, they were playing an anniversary special of Ricky Ticky Tavy but alas, courting him is to no avail. I am lost, but I am destined to win Chisel's love, for the look in his eyes that one merry morning has truly captured my soul, and I shall never know love better than I did that day....
Edited by: Otanku at: 6/15/01 2:45:03 pm
better late than never What if Superman was Japanese translated into English?
...we are watch as middle of action, where Superman is conversation by Jimmy Olsen...
Jimmy: Alert, Superman! Materialist devil land in danger from political noncompliant idea! Wanting disruption of our exploit and laziness! Saying devil land is require more superior commitment for efficiency! Which of us options can resolve?
Superman: Sounding like innovation of Luthor, agree?
Jimmy: Yes.
Superman: Representative career objective female Lois... has she remain capture by Luthor?
Jimmy: Yes. Saying Lois value concern are shallow belong to employment . Saying lack of children or household maintenance representative materialistic devil concern.
Superman: Material overweight lazy empire must continue free of challenge! I pursue Luthor. Remain at media exploit devil office for Daily Planet, Jimmy.
Jimmy: I am comply, Superman...
Superman impossible arrogance allow flight to Luthor Mega Secret Base for violent confrontation of value concern...
Lex Luthor: Ah, again us are meet, Superman!
Superman: I swear protection of ineffective corruption empire, Luthor. Plans of proper value institution is required to become destroyed to ensure lazy continuation. What fate is delivered to Lois prostitute?
Lex Luthor: Shallow female devil remain capture in secret location.
Lex Luthor: Hah hah, Superman! I engineer brilliance trick for deception of bloated selfish ego protector! Actual Lois replaced by glowing green innovation crystal!
Superman: Kryptonite!
Lex Luthor: Agree. Actual selfish value Lois taken to education dojo for eliminate ignorance concern. Time for leave. It has been enjoy your company, Superman. Until we are again meet...
Superman : No... wait... (become weak from green innovation crystal, pitiful, fall on to floor)
...How will arrogant materialist liar evade efficiency and motivation? How will ignorant protector devil refute innovation crystal and rescue shallow prostitute? Next issue for Superman perhaps explain continue irrational decadent exploit...
What if ...
George Orwell, eat your heart out!
What if Napoleon were reincarnated as a chicken?
Two legs bad, four legs good
Re: What if ...
Re: What if ...
Let's. Get. It. On.
Love hurts. Love stinks. Love poops.
Good stuff.
Re: What if I won...
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