The Twelve Monkeys - Where Are They Now?
As part of the gayety (yeah, that's right!!!) of Dark Side of the Monkey's first birthday, we're taking a look into the past and present of the original Twelve Monkeys, the first 12 members who posted at these forums. It's the story you only thought you knew, or didn't really care much about one way or the other until you started reading this post. And, now that you're utterly consumed by the desire to learn more, we will explore the question that has burdened us here for nearly one full minute, give or take: What ever happened to the Twelve Monkeys?
Pepper the Mad & ThunderDroid
Very little has changed for Dark Side's administrators over the past year. Surprise wedgies are still the focus of 90% of their efforts, with the other 10% devoted to undoing said wedgies. What about the other other 10% you ask? Registering members #13 - #155 to create the illusion of an actual messageboard community.
GK General Kenobi
It's no secret that GK is only truly happy when he's dancing. Throughout much of the past year he has traveled back and forth through time to participate in various competitions. After dozens of attempts to alter human history by preventing the existence of his competitors, he now boasts a third place ribbon at the 1961 Golden Creek Fire Hall's Fourth Annual Jitterbug Bug Out.
pixie always
Although there have been very few actual complaints from the membership of various country clubs, pixie always has yet to find an establishment that will allow her to golf nude. She continues her righteous quest to this day.
The Human Torch
After his first few weeks at DS, Torch's creator felt his swearing and poor manners were rocketing out of control, and he was disassembled. In a bizarre and horrifying twist of fate, Torch's backup memory kicked in and restored consciousness to his decapitated head, which he then used to twitch and contort his face as a means of locomotion across a cold, damp basement floor. He made his way to the box containing his remaining body parts, where he began assembling each with his teeth and tongue. After this harrowing ordeal which lasted months, he was finally able to repair three of his limbs and most of his circuitry, and emerge from the basement to hack his creator into 36 pieces, and swear vengeance on all of humanity. Funny story, actually.
Supersolo (later Tarkin the Mickey)
Once a posting dynamo, Solo has all but withdrawn from the public eye here at Dark Side. Sources tell us that he is currently trying to establish an elliptical orbit around a big metal ball that he stole from the lobby of local shopping plaza, and which he has given the name "Nyarzp III".
Mimmick (later Natar)
Always environmentally conscious and putting safety first, Natar initiated his "Wildlife CPR" program this past April, in an attempt to educate citizens around the world on caring for animal-related health emergencies. It soon became clear after working with the alligators that there should be simultaneous training for human first-aid and rescue procedures to coincide with the animal training.
TuskenRaider
He did it! Yaaaayyyyy!!!!!
The Ray
Although he still finds time to visit the bunch, The Ray is currently developing a new, and highly flamboyant style of sign language, which he believes will replace the current standard someday. Many critics have dismissed his new language as far too physically demanding and inefficient to ever be useful, and just plain retarded. "S-N-O-R-T" he spells back to them.
Otanku
Dark Side of the Monkey may be an enjoyable way to spend some time for Tank, but his true passion has always been descending from the mountains to scare the shit out of little girls playing soccer. He is currently responsible for 42 forfeited games, and we wish him continued success.
EwoksSuck
Mr. Suck continues to wait patiently for the police to find his missing body, stolen from him by a gang of teenagers while he was flashing them, ironically. Although completely disembodied, his sick sense of humor remains intact, and he continues to flash passers-by while he waits, free to indulge in his favorite activity, yet secure in the knowledge that he's not breaking any laws by doing so.
I couldn't just express myself in morse code, nooo....
"Bwahahaha excellent job all around thunder much congratulations hugs and dolphin smitches for you all and god bless santa claus with his lovely arms and cotton socks and oh oh the pain i think i sprained something my spine has disconnected itself yeowch and both my arms are rubber i am not going to make it oww oww oww oww shit shit shit ---"
My other username is the thirteenth monkey.
I never make the cut. Though I suppose, in a way, as I've at various times been ThunderDroid, Mandard, TuskenRaider, and in one highly forgettable (or so I keep hoping) incident, Natar, I could be whatever monkey I wished through simple math procedures.
EG:
Lady Palpatine = Thunderdroid = GK General Kenobi^ThunderDroid - Supersolo
"I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses..."
Re: Twelve Mon-keys
I saw this film yesterday! WWWWWWWoo!
The Human Torch illiterate with a capital 6
(12/28/01 8:25 pm)
That Son of a Bistro had it coming...
...you all would forgive me for my misdeeds if you knew just why I was created by that 36-pieces of Kentucky Goodness freak in the first place. Yeah I fried him good - the poor man's Edward Scissorhands I was not going to be. By the way, I'm back - all limbs attached... Flame On!
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