Chapter 2

* * * * *

Why?

For Force's sake, why?

Why had the Force, in all of its wondrous and awe inspiring light, so utterly and completely failed him when he needed it the most?

Was he not the fabled Chosen One of Jedi prophecies? Was he not suppose to be the most powerful that the Jedi ever produced? If all of these great powers and abilities were at his disposal, to do whatever he needed them for, why could he not do the seemingly simple act of preventing the death of someone so dear and important to him?

The other time had been different when Padmé "died". He hadn't been anywhere close to the bombing scene. It was simply out of his hands. But the Force had acted in Padmé's behalf. It whispered to her, on an unconscious level, to switch roles with one of her bodyguards. And in her listening to the Force, her life was saved although it was at the cost of many others.

But when her life was in the hands of a person who could hear the Force, she was left to the mercy of those who only wanted to see her dead. And they had gotten their way. Now there would be no miraculous savings. There would be no lives exchanged. No dramatic entrances into the Senate to give fire and brimstone speeches about the dangers of war over reasoning.

No. Padmé was gone and she would not be coming back.

And so, Anakin mourned her. His every waking thought rested on her image, her touch, her voice. His dreams were no longer plagued by visions of his mother suffering. It was replaced by the last moments leading up to Padmé's demise. The things they discussed, the tranquil moments they shared, and the assurances that Anakin could keep her safe. Then they ended with her suffering in his arms as she suffered a most agonizing death.

The dreams were a mental slap in the face that his own mind served to deal out due to his undeniable feelings of shame and failure. And in some ways he welcomed it. He felt he deserved it. And why shouldn't he? He promised her that he would let nothing happen to her. He was responsible for her safety. And if he couldn't make good on that kind of promise, just what did that say about his skills as a Jedi?

A Jedi...

The title felt so hollow now in the face of all of this tragedy.

Just what did it mean anyway to be a Jedi?

Was it to grab ahold of your lightsaber and dispense with aggressive negotiations when one side didn't agree with the other? To wear flowing robes and walk with your head high in a holier than thou fashion simply because you have a higher connection to the mystical energy field that controls all living things? To sit around in high towers and discuss philosophical riddles in vain attempts to solve them...while others around you suffer in misery?

Or was it the asinine notion of serving a crumbling institution like the Republic? To give so much of yourself to an organization that suckled on greed and corruption? To offer yourself freely to something that would never give anything back to you but contempt and scorn?

A Jedi shall not know attachment, so the saying goes.

A Jedi shall not know possession, so the saying went on.

A Jedi shall not know love, so the saying concluded.

Ah, so that was it. That was it all along. How could he have been so stupid to miss it? It was glaringly obvious from the start.

To be a Jedi was to live a life of servitude to the intangible. To live for nothing but an illusion. To give yourself to the invisible.

In short, to be a Jedi was to be a slave to the non-existant. And that was the worst kind of slavery of them all. Worse than his life on Tatooine as a slave to a Hutt and then to a Toydarian.

Why did he want to be a Jedi again? Why did he dream of it?

As far as Anakin Skywalker knew, the answer was beyond him.

* * * * *

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan met with Mace Windu and Yoda in the privacy of a meditation room. The three Jedi Masters had set this time aside to discuss a matter of great importance, involving Anakin's overall emotional health.

"It's been over a week, Masters," Obi-Wan worriedly began, "He hardly eats, his sleep is constantly disturbed by unpleasant dreams, and he will not speak to me."

Mace and Yoda mulled over this.

"The Senator was a dear friend to him, Obi-Wan. It's only natural for him to grieve her passing," Mace explained.

"Did you not mourn the loss of Qui-Gon when he died?", Yoda asked in earnest.

"Of course I did, Master," Obi-Wan replied. "And I still miss him to this day. But I also knew that he would not want me to stop living my life just because he died. He had become one with the Force, a path we all have to come to terms with eventually."

"But Senator Amidala was not a Jedi," Mace retorted.

"And unorthodox, young Skywalker's career has been. Not had the same training or experiences you have," Yoda added.

Obi-Wan caressed his brow. "Believe me, Masters, no one knows that better than I do."

Mace gestured to Obi-Wan with an open palm. "Then why does his grieving concern you as much as it does?"

Obi-Wan gazed at Mace as if he had asked a ridiculous question. "Because he's my Padawan. I believe I have a right to worry about his well being. But..."

He looked away before continuing. "I fear Anakin's attachment to the Senator may have lead to some pent up desires that he fostered for years. Desires that are unbecoming of a Jedi."

Yoda and Mace glanced at one another. "Believe he desired a romantic relationship with the Senator, do you?"

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan replied. "Padmé mentioned in passing that she was grateful to Anakin for the time she spent with him that day. I don't know exactly what happened while I was away, but I suspect that in their time alone together...Anakin's wistful desires had come to the forefront."

"Do you think he acted on those desires?", Mace asked.

"I don't know," Obi Wan admitted. "I pray that he hasn't."

Yoda nodded to himself. "Hmm. So, mourning not the passing of a friend is he. But the passing of a lost love."

The three Jedi Masters sat in silence, contemplating the revelation.

* * * * *

In the hangar bay of the Jedi Temple, Anakin worked fervently on his starfighter. Although tinkering around on the machine didn't give him much peace, it managed to take his mind somewhat off all that had happened.

Working with him was R2-D2, who was given to him by Jar Jar. The now acting Senator of Naboo figured that Padmé would have wanted Anakin to have the droid in case...something happened to her. Anakin accepted the Gungan's gift without much of a struggle, and Anakin soon found that the droid was quite useful even in suggesting new ideas to boost the starfighter's power.

R2 beeped actively while Anakin loosened a panel of circuitry.

"I don't know, Artoo," Anakin replied. "Even if I could get a hyperdrive installed, it would be limited. Wouldn't be capable of more than two long distance jumps. Anymore than that and the engine would be fried."

R2 let loose a downtrodden whistle.

"We'll find a way. The For...," Anakin began, then stopped. "I'll trust my instincts," Anakin corrected himself.

Their dialog consisted of such sayings for the better part of an hour. Anakin put down his tools and wiped his brow.

"How long have you been standing there for?", he suddenly asked.

Bariss Offee crossed her arms. "Long enough to wonder when you'd stop talking that droid."

Anakin, who had been crouched on the floor behind his starfighter, craned his neck over to the side to narrow his eyes at Bariss.

"He's not just another droid. We've been through a lot together," came Anakin's annoyed response.

"So you'd rather talk to a machine than your own mentor?", Bariss asked in a neutral tone.

Anakin growled and went back to work. Bariss took the initiative to kneel down next to Anakin.

"You've been avoiding everyone, including me. Why?", she asked.

Anakin didn't take his eyes off of the jumbled wires and hardware. "Maybe because I haven't felt like talking to anyone?"

Bariss blinked away the surprise she felt at Anakin's tone. "You're my friend, Anakin. You know you can tell me anything. Even though you feel like you failed, you can..."

"I don't feel like I failed!", Anakin snapped. "I did fail! Plain and simple, I failed in my duty! I failed her!"

Anakin clenched the tool in his hand so tightly that, with the unknowing help of the Force, it shattered.

"Damn it!", Anakin cursed.

He stood up and leaned against his starfighter with his arms crossed. Bariss slowly stood up to stand beside him. He glared straight ahead, not even glancing at her.

"Why did she have to die?", he asked aloud. "Why couldn't I save her? I know I could have!"

"Anakin," Bariss said softly, "You can't keep holding this anger in you forever. And you have to understand, even you, with all of your power, cannot succeed every time. You can't save every life, or prevent every death. You're not all powerful."

Anakin bitterly nodded. "You're right. I'm not."

Bariss sighed with relief.

"But I should be!"

She stared at Anakin, aghast. Anakin stood with his fists and his jaw clenched.

"Padawan!", Obi-Wan's voice called from afar.

Anakin didn't acknowledge Obi-Wan's call. Obi-Wan came a stop directly in front of Anakin.

"Padawan, look at me when I'm talking to you," Obi-Wan sternly said.

Anakin flashed his master a glare. "What can I do for you today, Master?"

Obi-Wan stifled the urge to reprimand Anakin for his less than respectful tone. "The Council wishes to speak with you tonight at nineteen-hundred hours."

"Ah, wonderful," Anakin said, "More psychiatric torture."

Obi-Wan's mouth dropped. "Anakin!"

"You can tell the Council that I'll be there, Master," Anakin said in an un-enthused voice.

He crouched back down next to his starfighter to work on it some more. Both Bariss and Obi-Wan exchanged worried glances and finally left Anikan alone. When Anakin was sure that he was left alone, his lips quivered and he felt moisture in his eyes.

R2 whistled sadly at the state of affairs.

* * * * *

When nineteen-hundred hours came, Anakin was not standing in the middle of the council chamber.

At five minutes past the scheduled time, some of the masters began to express worry, and others expressed their exasperation at Anakin's tardiness.

Finally, at ten minutes past ninteen-hundred, Obi-Wan excused himself from the council chambers. He produced his com-link and activated it in an attempt to contact Anakin.

"Anakin, do you copy?"

"I'm right here, Master," Anakin's announced.

Obi-Wan whirled around to face Anakin, who was leaning up against the wall that stood just beside the entry door to the council chambers. Obi-Wan grumbled and put his com-link away.

"What are you doing out here? You were suppose to meet with the Council ten minutes ago," Obi-Wan stated with frustration.

Anakin weakly shrugged. "I guess I was having second thoughts about this."

"I'm afraid that you don't have a say in the matter," Obi-Wan quietly said.

Anakin stood up straight, not looking at Obi-Wan. "Story of my life."

He turned and walked into the council chambers. Obi-Wan sighed and followed suit. He stood just a few paces from the entrance of the chambers while Anakin walked straight ahead to the middle. All eyes, whether they were pitiable or annoyed, focused on Anakin.

Anakin paid them no eye contact. His gaze became unfocused, looking somewhere between the floor and Coruscant's skyline.

Yoda and Mace nodded to one another and began the session.

"Padawan Skywalker," Yoda said, "When last you stood before us, told of your failure and shame you did. Pardoned you, we decided, because long and distinguished your career is. Dealing with failure, part of learning to be a Jedi is. Explained this to you we have. Yet obssessing over your misfortune you seem to be."

Anakin said nothing in return. The Council took this as an indication to continue.

"For the past seven days you have avoided all contact with your Jedi brethren. Including your own Master, the one person above all that you should explain yourself to," Oppo Rancisis argued.

Anakin blinked, but his expression remained unchanged.

"We can all feel your anger, Padawan," Adi Gallia spoke up, "You have to let it go. You cannot undo the damage that has been done. Accept what has happened. Release your emotions to the Force."

His expression changed at that point...to something that halfway resembled a smirk.

"You say that with such...absolute conviction," Anakin whispered.

Yoda's ears perked up and Mace rested his hand on his chin.

"We do not deal in absolutes, Padawan," Ki-Adi Mundi stated. "What Master Gallia speaks of is the truth. You are focusing on your negative emotions, leaving yourself open to the lure of the dark side."

Anakin turned a passive gaze to Ki-Adi. "Is that what I'm doing?"

Ki-Adi returned Anakin's gaze with an inquisitive stare. "Well, then what would you say you're doing? Following the will of the Force by thinking inward? Is that what your friend, the Senator, would want you to do?"

Anakin glared at Ki-Adi. He raised a clenched fist to him. "Don't you dare bring Padmé into this," Anakin threatened with a whisper.

The Council was taken aback by Anakin's conduct.

"Just what was the Senator to you anyway?," Mace asked.

Anakin turned to Mace with the same glare, but kept silent.

"From the way you're acting, she was obviously more than just a friend," Mace continued.

"What are you getting at, Master Windu?", Anakin asked.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan's voice said from behind, "I told them of Padmé's last words to you."

"And what of it?," Anakin quickly replied.

Obi-Wan took a moment before he said anything further. "The question is, why did she say that to you? What did you two do together?"

Anakin's face squinched at Obi-Wan in confusion. Then he understood what was really being asked of him. An unspoken accusation that could only mean that they thought...

"You...," Anakin said in disbelief, "You thought I slept with Padmé? Is that what you really thought?!"

Obi-Wan grimaced under Anakin's shout. That was all that Anikan needed to see. He burst into a fit of hysterical laughter that had no trace of mirth to it.

"You want to know what really happened? The honest to gods truth?"

The Council, nor Obi-Wan, said nothing in reply. Anakin bitterly chuckled.

"This is what happened. I walked into her room and I saw that she was feeling depressed. And do you know why?"

Anakin paused before continuing.

"No one, not the local authorities, not the Senate, not even the revered Jedi Council, was lifting a finger to help her find the answers she was looking for. Her friends were killed by a bomb that was meant for her. She barely escaped with her life. If someone was trying to kill any of you, wouldn't you want to know who it was?"

Anakin made sure to look at each Council member.

"I know I would. But I was in no position to launch that kind of operation. My hands were tied. So there she was, sitting by her lonesome, watching the rest of the world live out their lives. So I did what I felt was right, I snuck her out of the apartment so she could clear her head."

Anakin looked directly at Obi-Wan. "That's right, Master. We got out right under your nose. It was all my doing. But unlike your insulting accusation, we didn't go off somewhere and sleep together. We went to the Opera House, and then to the Coruscanti Hanging Gardens. And after that, we came back."

Anakin's chest heaved from his ranting. The entire Council was speechless, but inward they felt a myriad of feelings and thoughts.

It was Yoda who finally broke the silence.

"Still stands, the original question does. What was the Senator to you, young Skywalker?"

Anakin composed himself into a steely complexion. "I'll be honest with you, Master Yoda. I believe, given a good amount of time, I could have loved Padmé. And I believe she could have loved me too. Had we not been separated by our class or rank, we could have been very happy together."

"So you admit to openly defying the code?", Mace asked.

"What does it even matter anymore?", Anakin asked in reply. "She's dead, and my failure to protect her life and honor her trust will stay with me for the rest of my existence."

Anakin lowered his gaze and clenched his eyes shut. His feelings threatened to overwhelm him right then and there. He could not hold back the tears that freely fell on the council chamber's floor.

Yoda lowered his eyes as well. "Padawan Skywalker, you are excused for the evening."

Anakin nodded. He left at a lethargic pace.

Obi-Wan wanted to reach out to him, but the outburst of emotion and the whirling thoughts of the Council kept him at bay.

"Confirmed, our suspicions are," Yoda said aloud.

"He should be expelled!", Oppo Rancisis announced.

"What?!", Obi-Wan asked, completely shocked.

"Didn't you see his utter lack of respect for any of us? Even you, Master Kenobi?! His behavior alone is proof enough that he doesn't have the stability to be a Jedi!", Oppo went on to say.

"No!", Obi-Wan and Yoda both said at the same time.

"Already cold and callous he thinks we are. If send him away we do now, drive him further to the path of the dark side we will," Yoda explained.

"Then what do you suggest we do?," Mace asked. "He won't listen to reason and he thinks we're to blame as far as the Senator's death is concerned. We're not left with very many options in this circumstance."

Yoda conceded to that. The rest of the masters argued amongst themselves about what to decide. Some were for Anakin, others were clearly against him.

"If I may be so bold," Obi-Wan said.

He had the Council's full attention. "Anakin doesn't do his best thinking through conversation or meditation. He's able to best express himself either in his mechanics...or in the heat of battle."

"We're listening," Ki-Adi declared.

Obi-Wan continued with a smile on his face. "I suggest we let Anakin work out his grief in a lightsaber duel against Master Cin Drallig."

* * * * *

Night turned to day and both Anakin and Cin Drallig were notified that they were to report to the main dueling chamber by mid-morning. Besides the combatants themselves, others would be attending this duel to help steer Anakin in the right direction through encouragement and consultation. Those others were of course, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master Yoda, Bariss Offee and her master, Luminara Undili, and Jedi Master Shaak Ti, who had argued in favor of Anakin's case in the council session the night before.

The first to arrive before anyone else, was Cin Drallig himself. The legendary Jedi swordsman took the opportunity he had to meditate on the events to come. Knowing what his function would be in this fight, he would have perhaps the most difficult duty of all. Not that he feared being defeated by Anakin. While Anakin himself was a formidable swordsman, he was still years away from achieving the level of skill Cin had reached through many years of intense training.

Only a select few could match Cin's saber skills. The obsticals that Cin saw in this fight, would be how Anakin was to perceive him. Placed in such a situation, Cin did fear that Anakin would project Cin to be the embodiment of all that had recently gone wrong in his life. Such a view would easily lead Anakin astray...down to the dark path.

On the other hand, with enough good encouragement to come from those who supported Anakin, perhaps Cin could help the young man to see his opponent as an example of a Jedi rising above their personal difficulties and truly achieving something meaningful.

Only time would tell.

* * * * *

A few hours later, Anakin strolled into the dueling chamber with no life in his steps. His hood had been drawn over his head and his head itself was titled downwards so that his gaze settle on the floor.

Everyone else had already arrived and was waiting for him.

"Now, the time is, Padawan," Yoda announced from a far corner in the room.

Anakin moved towards his opponent, who had been kneeling on the floor in a meditative stance. Anakin stopped only a few meters in front of Cin, who finally acknowledged that his opponent had arrived. Cin called his lightsaber hilt into his hand with the Force and stood to his full height. The Jedi swordsman was a few inches shorter than his younger opponent, but that made him no less an intimidating sight.

"Padawan Skywalker, there's something I want you to keep in mind before and after this duel," Cin sternly said.

Anakin inclined his head to listen.

"Know that what happens here is only for your own good. I only wish to help you, and this seems to be the best way to do so," Cin continued.

Anakin responded by removing his hooded robe. Dark circles had formed under his eyes and bloodshot veins crowded around his pupils. His cheeks were flushed and his expression was filled with a tired anger. It was obvious to them all that Anakin had not rested well the previous night nor was he looking to calmly settle this duel in a Jedi manner.

Anakin Skywalker had come here looking for a fight.

If that was how it was to be, then Cin would give him one.

The two Jedi ignited their lightsabers, blue and green respectively, and circled one another. Their defensive guards raised, they both waited for the other to attack.

Anakin struck first with two quick flicks of his blade. Cin easily defended against them but he was surprised at how fast and accurate the attack came considering Anakin's current mental condition.

"Master Kenobi," Bariss whispered, "Are you certain that this duel was a good idea?"

Obi-Wan grunted an indecisive reply.

Cin was now on the offense. He called upon the serene flow of the Force to guide his blade and movements. The result was a series of lightning fast overhead and under head chops that kept Anakin against the ropes.

Anakin bared his teeth as he struggled to maintain his center of gravity.

"Don't use your aggressive feelings, Anakin," Shaak Ti called out. "Aggression will make your movements wild and uncontrolled. Let the Force calm you so you can think clearly."

A part of Anakin wanted to accept that sound advice. But another part of him clearly rejected it with a thought that only pushed Anakin further to the path of anger.

'Did being calm help me save Padmé?'

Anakin forced Cin back with a shove. While Cin regained his footing, Anakin pressed his attack with a flurry of strikes that battered away at Cin's defense. Cin was caught off guard and found that he could barely keep up with Anakin's pace. Desperately, Cin feigned a strike to Anakin's mid-section. When Anakin went for the block, Cin back flipped away, landing several meters from Anakin.

Anakin dropped his guard, holding his saber at his side.

Although puzzled at Anakin's tactic, or lack thereof, Cin aimed his palm at Anakin and turned it upward. With a call of the Force, Anakin was pulled towards Cin from a great distance. But instead of falling at Cin's feet, like Cin had expected, Anakin put his hand out and bounced off of his palm. He summersaulted over Cin, landing behind him. Cin quickly put his blade behind him so that he wouldn't be struck blind.

He was rewarded by the sound his and Anakin's sabers colliding together and cackling with energy. Cin spun around with his blade. His saber locked with Anakin's. The two fought for dominance.

"Strive for balance, you must, Anakin. Seek not victory, but harmony, both internally and externally," Yoda advised.

'The galaxy is full of chaos, and good people are murdered. I'll never achieve anything by listening to nonsense like what I'm hearing!'

Cin won out in the battle for dominance. Anakin's saber flew out of his grip and clattered on the ground. Anakin turned a glare on Cin. Cin responded by lowering his weapon.

"This is not a real fight, Padwan," Cin declared. "Call your saber to you."

"Even in practice duels, I've always been told that it is unwise to lower your defenses!", Anakin yelled.

With a concentrated burst of the Force, Anakin sent Cin flying into a nearby wall. Anakin used the moment of distraction to call his saber to him. The lightsaber ignited in mid-air, and when it found its place in Anakin's hand, Anakin leapt at Cin, ready to continue fighting.

At the wall where he landed, Cin shook his head to clear his vision. His vision returned in time to see Anakin flying at him like a madman. Cin grit his teeth in frustration. The duel was going exactly as he had feared, not as he had hoped. It was obvious to him now that he could not teach Anakin with patience. He would have to teach him with discipline.

Anakin was sure that he would land his strike. So sure that he was shocked when a sharp boot to his gut knocked the air out of him and caused him to drop to the floor in a heap.

Anakin struggled to rise to his feet. The best he could manage was to hold himself up on his hands and knees. His breaths were littered with ragged coughs as he struggled to breathe normally.

Cin slowly strode toward Anakin. He stopped just short of stepping on Anakin's fingers. Seeing Anakin reduced to such a weakened put a pitiable gaze on his face.

"Your anger gives you great power, Anakin," Cin admitted. "But if you let it, it will destroy you. You must learn to let go of your shame and embrace life as it comes to you. That means accepting failure...even the ones that deeply pains your heart."

"I loved her," Anakin coughed.

"And that is your weakness, my friend," Cin countered. "Your love lead you to a strong attachment. Thus, when something is taken away from you, you cannot handle it the loss. You fear the thought of loss."

Anakin gained the strength to stand on his feet again. His arm favored his mid section, even as he called his lightsaber back to him.

"So what am I suppose to do?", Anakin asked, his voice breaking up.

Cin placed a comforting hand on Anakin's shoulder. "Train yourself to let go all that fear to lose."

Anakin threw Cin's hand off of his shoulder. He took some steps back and re-ignited his lightsaber.

"I am not willing to throw away the things that makes me who I am!", Anakin shouted. "For ten years, the idea that love will condemn me has been shoved down my throat. I refuse to believe that caring deeply for others; innocent people, my Jedi brethren, my mother,...Padmé...will lead to my demise!"

Anakin leveled his saber towards Cin. "And my undying hatred goes out to any who believe in such worthless teachings."

All who were standing in the room had been stunned into silence by Anakin's denouncement of Jedi teachings.

"Anakin, you don't really believe that!", Obi-Wan yelled.

But the look in Anakin's eyes told Cin all that he needed to know.

"Then, you will never be a Jedi," Cin simply stated. "Unless you let go of your hatred.

'Then I will show you the power of hatred!'

Cin's eyes widened.

He barely reacted in time to defend himself against Anakin's sudden onslaught. He had to use the Force to enhance his speed and agility so as not to be cut down by Anakin's strikes.

"Padawan! Stop!", Obi-Wan commanded.

Obi-Wan's command came a second too late. One last strike of frightening intensity destroyed Cin's lightsaber.

Cin looked at the charred remains of his lightsaber hilt. He was completely dumbfounded from the sight of it.

"Padawan Skywalker," Master Yoda thundered, "Confined you are to your quarters until further notice."

Anakin's lightsaber hand shook with rage. The blade was still aimed at Cin, just inches away from his hand.

"Padawan Skywalker!", Yoda called out again.

Anakin deactivated his lightsaber and clipped it to his belt. On his way out he picked up his cloak and placed the hood back over his head. He left no one with a parting gaze even as the door opened. But what he did leave behind was strong vibrations in the Force. Vibrations filled with anger, rage...and hate.

* * * * *

Obi-Wan later found Anakin sleeping on his bed. He figured it was a little odd at first but then remembered that Anakin had not seemed as if he slept at all. Obi-Wan could sense that his apprentice was a little more at ease than when he was in the dueling chamber. But he could still sense a feeling of agitation in Anakin's unconscious mind.

Obi-Wan gently shook Anakin's shoulder. "Wake up, young one," he called out softly.

Anakin groaned and woke up. "Why are you here?"

Obi-Wan smirked. "I've asked myself that question for the past ten years."

Although it was meant as a joke, it seemed that humor was lost on Anakin as of late. Anakin rubbed his eyes and sat up. Obi-Wan sat beside him but turned his back.

"How are you feeling?", Obi-Wan asked.

"Better actually," Anakin replied. "The look on Cin's face was priceless. I bet he's never seen a lightsaber get destroyed before. Much less his own."

Anakin snickered, which caused Obi-Wan to sigh. "You used the power of hatred to lash out at him. A power that the Sith employ."

"I meant every word that I said in there," Anakin stated. "I will not be a mindless pawn, devoid of emotions and needs."

"Whoever said that you had to be?", Obi-Wan asked. "Anakin, I have only ever tried to teach you to use your feelings. But you know certain things are forbidden amongst the Jedi. Passion being at the top of the list."

Anakin said nothing in reply. Obi-Wan sighed again and glanced back at his apprentice. "Do you still want to be a Jedi?"

Anakin looked away. "I don't know. I don't think I do."

Obi-Wan nodded sadly. "Qui-Gon had so much faith in you."

"And what's that suppose to mean?", Anakin asked in anger.

"That he would be very disappointed," Obi-Wan bluntly replied.

Anakin growled. He threw his bed sheets off and stood up. "Well maybe if he hadn't of died...!"

"Why must you insist on blaming others for your own misfortunes?!", Obi-Wan snapped back. "You blame us for you not being powerful enough. You blame us for Padmé's death. And now you're blaming Qui-Gon's death on your failures? When are you going to take some responsibility for your own actions?!"

Anakin turned to face Obi-Wan. "Maybe when my life means more than serving hokey religions."

"What?!", Obi-Wan asked. "Wait...no...this isn't how I..."

Obi-Wan cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure. "Anakin, you're very stressed out. You've lost someone very close to you, and it seems I'm doing more harm than good in trying to help. I'm just going to tell you two things, then I'm going to leave you alone for a little while."

Anakin crossed his arms.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat again. "I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry that I haven't been the Master that you needed. I think you're a great friend and I value your companionship. You mean so much to me. That's why I'm so concerned for you. I fear for you and I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain and bitterness you feel in your heart."

Anakin's expression softened. "Master...I..."

Obi-Wan held up a hand. "The other thing I have to tell you is that the council wishes to meet with the both of us tomorrow morning. So be ready and be standing beside me in the council chambers at o-eight-hundred hours."

Anakin nodded. "Understood, Master."

And without another word, Obi-Wan got up and left. He did not return again that day but made sure that Anakin was brought his daily portions of meals. Instead, Obi-Wan spent his day in deep meditation, pondering what the future might bring.

* * * * *

O-eight-hundred hours came.

Anakin and Obi-Wan stood together before the council, all of whom had heard how Anakin disarmed Cin Drallig the other day in an act of hate. It proved to make for a tense situation, even for those who supported Anakin wholeheartedly.

"A most important assignment, this mission is," Yoda began. "Close to voting for the Military Creation Act, the Senate is. And stepped up threats, the Seperatists have, to meet their demands. Upon us, all out war may be."

"But it can still be avoided," Mace said, "The Supreme Chancellor has reached a quiet agreement with Count Dooku to hold a round of discussions on Corellia to discuss a possible settlement."

"Send a team of Jedi we will to this secret meeting. Rest on these talks, the fate of the galaxy will," Yoda said.

"I understand, Master," Obi-Wan said. "When do we leave?"

Anakin cut in before a reply could be said. "I'm not going."

All eyes in the council chambers fell on Anakin. Anakin continued, "I am going to Naboo."

"For what reason?", Ki-Adi Mundi asked.

"To find Padmé's family," Anakin replied. "What's happened in the past week has weighed heavily on my conscience. I must find them and tell them what happened, from my point of view."

"Surely you can set your own feelings aside and concentrate on more important matters!", Oppo Rancsisis boomed.

Anakin shook his head. "I have done that for far too long. I don't have it in me anymore to suffer at the hands of the Force for no reason but to feel pain and remorse. I just can't do it anymore."

"Suffer at the hands of the Force?!", Oppo repeated in disbelief. "You ungrateful..!"

"Enough!", Mace commanded.

"Anakin...determined are you to go through with this?", Yoda asked sadly.

"I will do what I must," Anakin firmly replied.

Yoda sighed heavily. "Then...henceforth, expelled you are from the Jedi Order."

Anakin nodded. He unclipped his lightsaber and handed it to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin and at his lightsaber. He hesitantly took the lightsaber from his former padawan and stepped aside.

With nothing more to say, Anakin left the council chambers. For many moments, no one said a word, for they were too lost for words on what had just transpired.

* * * * *

Anakin stood in the hangar bay next to his starfighter. R2 had already been loaded into the droid socket and was awaiting for Anakin to climb into the cockpit so that they could take off. The small amount of things that Anakin had packed away had been put into the cargo hold of his ship. He was all set go go.

But something held Anakin back from leaving.

It was when he sensed Obi-Wan's approach that he figured out what kept him rooted in his space.

Anakin turned to face Obi-Wan with a sense of caution. "Come to see that I left?"

"I came to see if I'm still having this nightmare. A nightmare in which you leave the Jedi behind for the unknown," Obi-Wan replied.

"It's all real, I'm afraid," Anakin said.

They stood there for a while, staring at each other, not saying a word.

"What are you going to do after your business on Naboo is done with?", Obi-Wan asked.

Anakin looked away to the cityscape. "I don't know. But I will no longer let the Force guide me."

"Why?"

Anakin felt his burning anger threaten to engulf him. "Because the Force deserted me, Obi-Wan. It deserted me when I needed it the most. I no longer have any faith in the Force. I hate it."

Obi-Wan was aghast. "Is that what you think it did? My goodness, Anakin. You may be the Chosen One...but when are you going to realize that...

"And when are you going to realize that maybe I'm not this Chosen One?", Anakin quickly asked. "If I was, then maybe I could have saved Padmé! But I guess I'm not. I'm just some poor fool who got caught up in delusions of grandeur."

Obi-Wan stepped away from Anakin. "If that's what you want to believe, Anakin, then fine. But I will not believe that Qui-Gon died for nothing. I will not believe that the prophecy was a lie."

Anakin nodded. "Then I hope the Jedi Order will find the one that they're looking for. Because I'm not it."

He then climbed into the cockpit of his starfighter. Anakin glanced briefly at R2. "Artoo, fire up the converters."

"Anakin!", Obi-Wan called out. "Don't give into bitterness and hate. That leads to the dark side."

Anakin looked away. "I want you to know something Obi-Wan. No matter what happens, no matter what I do, I'll never hold my misgivings against the Force or the Jedi Order against you."

He gazed at Obi-Wan one last time. "Farewell, Master. May the Force be with you...for it was never with me."

The transparisteel cockpit closed over Anakin. The modified Jedi Starfighter lifted off and sped forth towards the atmosphere. It would be a while before the former Master and Padawan would see each other again.

But it would not be the last. They would meet again.