seashoregirl 
Cooper Crazy
(7/18/05 8:03 pm)
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The Courage Within- Chapter 5
Cedars Hospital…Seventh Floor…Oncology Unit
After taking a deep breath, Harley slowly pushed open the door to Room 722. She saw Gus sitting in bed flipping through a Sports Illustrated. He didn’t look engrossed in the magazine. In fact, he looked so lifeless to Harley that new fears began to creep up on her…fears on top of the ones that she already had. She thought that she has prepared herself for the way that Gus might look…that he wouldn’t be the same as she remembered. But apparently she had not done a good enough job. As Harley looked at him, her now familiar “sucker-punched in the gut feeling” had returned. The man in the hospital bed bore little resemblance to the Gus Harley remembered seeing just a few short months ago. Gus’s usual very tanned skin was now extremely pale. His gorgeous chocolate brown eyes were dull and had none of the sparkle, which Harley had seen so many times in their years together. And Gus had lost so much weight. The pajamas he was wearing almost swallowed him. When she saw him in that bed, Harley once again realized that he and she were in the fight of a lifetime.
“Gus,” Harley called as she shut the door and walked across the rather small hospital room over to the bed and sat down in the chair beside it.
“Harley, why are you here?” Gus asked. He was so tired and felt so awful and knew that he didn’t really deserve Harley in his life anymore, but the fact that she was there did make him feel a tad bit better.
“Because Daddy told me that you were sick and I had to come. Why didn’t you tell me yourself?”
“I think I gave up the right to lean on you or share my troubles with you when I protected Alex. The first few months after the disaster of a wedding I tried to talk to you but you would have nothing of it. And I don’t want your pity. So if that’s why you’re here, then leave.”
Harley couldn’t believe how pigheaded Gus was being. Saying she was only there out of pity…if he weren’t sick, she would have made him eat those words. But he was sick…he was very sick and if Harley didn’t go about this the right way, then she might lose him forever.
“No, I don’t do pity. You should know that. I’m here because I love you…despite our problems, I still love you…and I’m not leaving you here to die.”
“You still love me?” Gus just couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He thought maybe the pain medicine was causing hallucinations. “After what I did to hurt you…after screwing up so bad.”
“Yes, you hurt me…and yes, you screwed up in a major way. But I messed up too. I did what I always have done when men hurt me. I put up those walls and tried to close off my heart. And I have been miserable. You, Aitoro, are the first and only guy to make me not want to do that anymore. I don’t know what the future holds or if we can get all the way back to where we were or possibly move beyond that. But if you don’t fight and beat this thing, then we won’t get the chance to try.”
Gus wanted to say yes…he wanted to say yes so badly, but he was tired…very tired and he didn’t know if he could fight anymore. “Harley, I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t think I have the strength and energy to do it.”
“Then, you lean on me. You didn’t let me quit when I got shot. And I’m not going to let you quit now.”
“You always did have to have the last word,” Gus replied and gave Harley a weak smile. It was such a small sign, but Harley held on to the little bit of encouragement and positive body language.
“When are you going to get out of here? Do you know yet?”
“Maybe tomorrow. I’m supposed to have a visit from the doctor tomorrow.” Gus had that defeatist look in his eyes again and Harley knew he was scared. He didn’t have to say the words…Harley still could see right into his soul and she knew. She was scared too, but she couldn’t show it…not right now.
“Would it be all right if I was there?”
“I suppose…ummmm Harley…I’m kind of tired right now. I think I’m going to try and sleep.”
“Ok…do you mind if I sit here awhile? Like maybe on the edge of the bed next to you.”
“You think I’d turn down an offer of you in my bed. Yes, I’m sick but not stupid. Come around to my left side. The IV is in my right arm and the nurses don’t like if it gets jostled or comes out.”
So Harley came around to the left side of the bed and sat and waited for Gus to fall asleep. When his breathing had evened out and she could tell he was asleep, Harley brushed back a lock of his hair, planted a sweet, tender kiss on his forehead, and quietly left room 722. She would be back in the morning.
 
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