seashoregirl 
Cooper Crazy
(7/13/05 4:55 pm)
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The Courage Within- Chapter 4
Harley was stunned by Alan’s answer and for a few minutes couldn’t think of a response. ‘Gus giving up…not fighting…that didn’t sound anything like the Gus that Harley knew so well and still loved so much.’
“Alan, I don’t understand. Gus has always been a fighter and never a quitter. You know that. He fought tooth and nail to put the Santos family in jail when he first came to down. Then he fought just as hard to give up his vendetta. Hell, he fought me hard enough to let him into my life. He fought to know the truth about his parentage. This just doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“But Harley…think about it for a minute. All those times…for all those struggles, Gus was never really alone. When he was trying to lock up the Santos family, he did it for Joe Augustino, in an effort to make him proud and avenge his death. When he gave up the vendetta, he did it because it was necessary for him to be in your life. Fighting you for a way into your heart and life…that one is pretty obvious. And finding out the truth about who his parents are…well, he probably wishes he never did that. But you were with him then too.”
“Ok…you have a point. But you are wrong about Gus not finding out the truth. While he may regret that you don’t or can’t love him in the pure way Joe did, he doesn’t regret finding out that you are his father. The not knowing would have eaten him up inside.”
“Harley, I know what you think of me…that I’m a s.o.b. I’ll agree with you about that. I see what I want and I take it without caring about who gets hurt or stomped on in the process. The ones I love the most are the ones who get hurt the most. But I do love Gus, and I don’t want him to die.”
“Yes, I’m sure that in your own warped, twisted way that you do love him. But Alan, your love does horrible things to people. Alan-Michael moved across an ocean to escape your kind of love. Phillip, who either loves or hates you depending on the way the wind blows, emulates you down to your desire to control everyone around you, especially the mothers of your children. This kind of love could very well kill Gus just as easily as the cancer can. Yes, he made the decision in the wine cellar to protect Alexandra on his own accord, but you pushed and prodded and used emotional blackmail to influence him. The little boy in him that has missed his father every day since he was 10 was just puddy in your hands.”
“Harley…if you’re looking for some sort of epiphany or apology from me, you’re not going to get it.”
“Damn it Alan…no, that’s not what I want. I wouldn’t accept an apology from you even if you were down on your knees and begging. But I do need to know what you think I can do to save Gus.”
“You can get him to fight Harley. I don’t care how you do it. But just do it or we’ll both be visiting him in the Spaulding family mausoleum.”
“I don’t take orders from you. If I decide to help Gus, then you will follow my rules Alan. I will help him in my way and if I tell you to back off, then you back off. Oh…and you can consider it a warning or a threat, whichever will make you comply.”
“Seeing as I have no other choice, I’ll do what you asked and will be in touch.”
After Alan left, Harley sat on the sofa, drew her whole body into herself, and for the first time since learning Gus was sick, wept. Her tears washed away the denial, to which her subconscious had clung. She wept for all the lost time that she and Gus could never get back. She wept for her children who might lose someone they both loved very much. She wept for herself, as the battle ahead seemed too big. And finally, she wept for Gus in thinking that he was all alone in this world. When she had no more tears left to cry, Harley called the Angels’ office, said that she wouldn’t be in for the day, put on her coat and headed out the door to talk to the one person, who would surely understand.
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At the Springfield Cemetery…
Clutching a bouquet of daises, Harley made her way to plot of land where the Coopers were buried. She quickly glanced at Stavros and Pops’ graves and made a mental note to bring them some flowers soon. When she had reached the headstone bearing her mother’s name, she put the daises in the small vase, which was held in place by stakes stuck deep in the ground. Then she knelt on the ground and embraced the quiet and stillness around her.
‘Mommy…I know it’s been a long time and I’m sorry to not have come sooner. I’ve been dealing with a bunch of stuff and just haven’t made the time. I brought you some daises, which hopefully, the cold won’t kill too quickly. But that’s not the real reason I came…the real reason I came is that I need you.’
‘Baby, I’m here,’ Nadine Cooper replied. ‘Whatever it is, just tell me.’
‘It’s Gus, Mommy. He hurt me so badly when he protected Alex even when she set up Frankie. And I’ve tried to get him out of my heart. But I still love him and now he is sick with cancer and I may not get a second chance with him and everything is falling apart.’
‘Harley, I’ve been watching what’s gone on here. Since I’m your guardian angel and your Mommy, it is my job and if I were down there in the flesh, your Gus would have had to answer to me for hurting my little girl.’
‘I wish you were here with me now.’
‘I know you do baby, but I am always with you…not in the way you or I would like…but it’s the way it is.’
‘Mommy…I just don’t know that I can do it. Forgiveness doesn’t always come easy for me, and then what if I can’t be all that Gus needs me to be? What if I fail him?’
‘Sweetie…Gus screwed up big. You know it and he knows it. But I know you have the capacity to forgive him. You love him so much and that hasn’t changed. Your daddy and I screwed up big too. We abandoned you and Frankie. Yet, you somehow found it in your heart to forgive us. And what you need to be for Gus… you’ve got to be his rock.’
‘I don’t know that I can be that for him.’
‘Well, I know you can. Do you remember when you were shot? You were so close to dying and Buzz, Frankie, Marina, Blake, and Cassie were at the hospital hoping that you would pull through. Now I know what they say about the miracles of medicine and the expertise of doctors, but two things kept you going…your babies and Gus. He stayed by your bedside and just refused to give up on you. With all of your family and friends, it was his love that made the biggest difference. He was your rock then and you need to be his rock now.’
‘Mommy…can I lean on you while I’m being his rock?’
‘I wouldn’t have it any other way. I spent so many years of my life thinking I was unlucky and trying to make all my foolish dreams come true. But I hit the jackpot when I had you for a kid.’
‘I love you so much Mommy.’
‘I love you too baby. Now, I think I know where you’re headed right now so we can talk again whenever you need me.’
After saying goodbye to her mother, Harley checked her watch and realizing that afternoon visiting hours at Cedars would start soon, stopped by the diner for a quick bite of lunch before going to see Gus.
 
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