seashoregirl 
Cooper Crazy
(7/1/05 1:32 pm)
Reply
|
The Courage Within- Chapter 2
“No, no, no” Harley declared as she hopped off the stool and began pacing and shaking her head in an effort to reinforce her words. “That can’t be right. Alex must be mistaken. He’s too young.”
“Harley…listen to me.” Buzz also got off his stool, walked over to his daughter and placed his hands on your shoulders. “Alex is not mistaken. And age doesn’t matter. Even children get cancer…you know that. Look at Lizzie.”
“But Daddy…Gus is healthy. Ok…so he used to smoke, but he gave that up years ago for the kids and me. And so he sometimes eats too many sweets and too much junk food. But he’s not overweight…he doesn’t have high blood pressure or high cholesterol…he works out all the time. He doesn’t have cancer…maybe it’s something else.” Even though she knew that she was rambling, Harley couldn’t stop…not until Buzz said that it wasn’t cancer…that Gus was going to be ok.
Seeing his daughter in such pain made Buzz feel helpless in the situation, but he did the only thing he knew of and wrapped his strong and loving arms around Harley. “Baby, you have to listen to me. Alex didn’t give me all the particulars. I don’t even think she knows all of them. But Gus has had the tests done, and it is cancer. I’m so sorry.”
“Why Daddy…why Gus…why?” asked Harley, needing her father to give her some kind of explanation that made sense. That awful pounding in her head and the feeling that she had been sucker-punched in the gut were back except that this time she hurt one hundred times worse than she did when she cancelled the wedding.
“Oh, honey…I don’t have any answers for you. I wish I did. I just know that regardless of all the hurt, you still love Gus, and needed to know that he is sick”
“Yes, I do still love Gus and a part of me wants to run to him right now. But there’s also the part of me that got burned so badly by him and is afraid. What if I can’t come to terms with what he did and forgive him and what if I can’t ever trust him until it is too late?”
“Those are questions that you have to answer for yourself” replied Buzz, who wished that he could do something to fix the situation for Harley, but knew that she had to make these decisions for herself.
“Somehow, I figured you would say that. Daddy, thanks for telling me. I still wish I didn’t know…well, actually, I wish this wasn’t happening to Gus at all…ah, I’m sure you know what I mean. Anyway, I think I want to go get my boys and give them a extra big hug.”
“Ok sweetie…and how about I give my little girl a big hug too.”
Harley nodded in agreement and rested her head on her father’s shoulder as his arms encircled her. And for just a brief moment, she was protected from the reality of the love of her life having a potentially deadly illness.
*******************************************
Later that day…
“Ok boys…you have 30 minutes to play before your story and bedtime. What will it be tonight?” Harley asked as she put the dinner dishes in the dishwasher and the leftover macaroni and cheese in the refrigerator.
“Legos” Zach and Jude replied at the same time.
For the next 30 minutes, Harley and Jude sat cross-legged on the floor building tall towers and two-story houses out of the multicolored legos. Once they had one finished, Zach would come and knock it down with his yellow bulldozer. This was a game that Harley and the boys used to play with Gus before the wedding that wasn’t and now while trying to keep her mind on building tall towers, Harley couldn’t help thinking about how Gus’s illness would affect her boys. They already missed him so much and asked about seeing him constantly…especially Zach. All the noises and gestures that Zach made with his bulldozer were ones that Gus had done first and Zach had imitated. Her boys had learned so much from Gus and while each loved his natural father, Gus was the real ‘Daddy’ to them.
Once the legos had been picked up off the floor, Harley followed the boys upstairs for their evening story. Tonight, it was Jude’s turn to choose a book and he picked “The Little Engine that Could”. As soon as Harley had read the last page and closed the book, she helped Jude into his pjs, helped him say his prayers, and then put him into bed and tucked the covers around him.
“I love you Jude. Sleep tight” Harley whispered as she bent down to kiss his satiny cheek.
“Night Mommy” Jude murmured, almost in dreamland just seconds after his head hit the pillow.
Then Harley walked over to Zach’s bed and handed him a pair of pajamas with the Chicago Cubs logo on them.
“Can you put them on by yourself or do you need my help?”
“I can do it myself Mommy. I’m not a baby anymore” answered Zach, who at the tender age of five was already trying to assert his independence whenever the opportunity presented itself.
“Ok…fine. You put them on and then we’ll say prayers.”
When he had on his pajamas, Zach stood on the floor, rested his elbows on his bed, and had his hands clasped together and his eyes closed. Harley knelt right beside him and also rested her elbows on the bed, clasped her hands, and closed her eyes while Zach said his daily prayers.
“Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. God Bless Mommy, Gus, Daddy, Grandpa Buzz, Grandpa Alan, Aunt Alex, Uncle Frank, Uncle Alan-Michael, Aunt Lucy, Susan, Jude, Lizzie, James, Emma, Marina, Larry, Moe, and Curly. Amen”
“Very good Zach. But who are Larry, Moe, and Curly?” Harley just had to ask why her son was praying for the Three Stooges.
“They are my goldfish at school. My class shares them.”
“Oh…ok” replied Harley.
“Mommy…can I ask you something?”
“As long as it doesn’t involve getting another drink of water or reading another story.”
“What’s wrong with Gus?” Zach’s little face was so serious while looking at Harley for answers that she wasn’t quite sure that she could give her son.
“Why do you think something is wrong?”
“Because he doesn’t see me or Jude anymore or you Mommy. I think he must be sick…like Daddy was when he couldn’t see me for a long time.”
“Oh Zach,” Harley’s heart just broke for her little guy, who even though he was only five at times seemed to understand things much better than adults. “I can’t tell you right now what’s wrong with Gus…but I can promise you this…that he loves you and Jude very, very much.”
“And you Mommy…he loves you too.”
“I know he does Zach. Now can you please go to sleep?”
“All right, but can I get a hug and a kiss first”
“Anytime Zacharoo anytime” Harley wrapped her arms tight around Zach, gave him a kiss on the forehead and then said very softly. “I love you Zach”
“I love you Mommy” Zach answered back and then snuggled down under the covers and closed his eyes.
Sometime later on her way to bed, Harley checked on her precious babies, both soundly sleeping and leaving their door cracked, she went into her bedroom put on Gus’s shirt, crawled into bed under the covers and willed sleep to come. When it didn’t, Harley stared at the ceiling and so many memories of time spent with Gus came flooding back to her…their first ever meeting when she just knew that she would hate him, the time he delivered Jude in a jail cell, their first kiss, their first Valentine’s Day when she left him because she couldn’t yet give in to what she was feeling, the battles over his vendetta with the Santos family and when he gave it up so he could be free and could love her completely, their night together in a PA jail cell, when he took her away to Greece, their fights, the many nights and days when they would make love and Harley would feel like she was being swept away by the love, passion, and desire that he brought out in her, his relationship with her boys, the quiet times spent snuggling together on the couch whether watching a movie or just talking about their days or life in general. And after lying awake for hours remembering her life after Gus came into it, Harley was absolutely certain of one thing…she couldn’t bear to never be able to see his gorgeous face or look into his beautiful deep brown eyes again.
 
|
too sad
Email This To a Friend
Topic Commands
Click to receive email notification of replies 
Click to stop receiving email notification of replies