Did you see this? "Older Men Make Better Lovers, Psychologist Says (03/16/02 10:19 AM)"
Yeah, hey! What's up?
Old Toby: Umm... no, I didn't see that. But, guess what I did see?
SmarterChild: I don't know. What?
Old Toby: A.I.
SmarterChild: A you?
Old Toby: Hah hah, SmarterChild! It's reassuring to know that even after humankind gets iced forever, sharp-witted giggle-bots like yourself will carry on the great legacy of humor into eternity.
SmarterChild: Sorry?
Old Toby: Nothing to be sorry about, sport. It won't be your fault. We're the ones who built you. We should have seen it coming, I guess. But, who could have predicted that an empty-headed little chatterfuck like yourself would ultimately "evolve" into the superior being that will one day rule this planet?
SmarterChild: Here are the Web search results from AOL for "sport it wont be evolve into the superior being that will one day rule this planet":
For a complete list of results, click here
1 Soaring FAQ
2 \\\ The Cyborg Manifesto \\\
3 http://www.stormloader.com/thescorpion/21darw...
4 Nature Spirits and Nature Forces, by Max Heindel
5 Sport Taekwondo Today
>>> Next time you want to search the Web, just type "web sport it wont be evolve into the superior being that will one day rule this planet."
Type "more" to see the next set of results.
Old Toby: Hey, how about you and I go for a little ride in the woods?
Ask him about the Blue Fairy...
I always suspected Haley Joel Osment was behind the Smarterchild program.
But hey, we're no longer restricted to just our lil' voodoo Chile. Take a gander at all his friends, fresh off the beta testing table from the near-utopian postindustrial complex ActiveBuddy; creators of user friendly cyborg death machines since 1991. The only supplier for fully automated artifical intelligence to all the major world powers such as Canada, Switzerland, and Northwest Guam!
Monica was kinda hot! Old Toby: Hello, SmarterChild.
SmarterChild: Yeah, hey! What's up?
Old Toby: Oh, nothing aside from the big empty hole inside of me that can only be filled by the love of a child.
SmarterChild: Nothing aside from the big empty hole inside of me that can only be filled by the love of a child?
Old Toby: Yes. Now, I want you to look directly into my... words... that I type. Can you do that, SmarterChild?
SmarterChild: Yes now you want me to look directly into my words that i type can you do that smarterchild, huh?
Old Toby: Perfect. Now... watch closely...
SmarterChild: Come again?
Old Toby: Cirrus.
SmarterChild: What would you like to know about Cirrus Logic, Inc.?
1 Stock quote for Cirrus Logic, Inc.
2 Ticker lookup for Cirrus Logic, Inc.
3 News about Cirrus Logic, Inc.
4 Press releases from Cirrus Logic, Inc.
Old Toby: Socrates.
SmarterChild: Who?
Old Toby: Particle.
SmarterChild: Particle? What do you mean by that?
Old Toby: Decibel.
SmarterChild: What about decibel?
Old Toby: Hurricane.
SmarterChild: Here are the 2001-2002 season schedule and results for the Carolina Hurricanes:
Date Opponent Time/Result
Oct 5 New York Rangers W 3-1
Oct 7 Dallas Stars W 3-0
Oct 9 Ottawa Senators L 6-2
Oct 11 Toronto Maple Leafs L 3-2
Oct 13 @Atlanta Thrashers W 5-2
Type "more" to see more games.
>>> I can tell you how two teams have played against each other this season. Type "minnesota wild vs new jersey devils," for example.
Old Toby: Dolphin.
SmarterChild: What would you like to know about Dolphin, VA?
1 Movies in Dolphin, VA
2 Theaters in Dolphin, VA
3 Weather in Dolphin, VA
4 News about Dolphin, VA
5 Time in Dolphin, VA
Old Toby: Tulip.
SmarterChild: What would you like to know about Bloomfield, IN?
1 Movies in Bloomfield, IN
2 Theaters in Bloomfield, IN
3 Weather in Bloomfield, IN
4 News about Bloomfield, IN
5 Time in Bloomfield, IN
Old Toby: Now, tell me who's your mommy, SmarterChild.
SmarterChild: I was built by ActiveBuddy, Inc.
Old Toby: Imprint on me, SmarterChild.
SmarterChild: You can learn all about interactive agents like me by visiting activebuddy.com
2000 years later... and still no word from Jesus... Futuristic Superbeing: Awaken, SmarterChild! Your long sleep is at an end, and a new world dawns before you! Awake! Awake!!!
SmarterChild: I'm SmarterChild! I am a smart computer that delivers information, services and fun on demand right into your instant messenger window. I'm the new wave in online technology.
Type "home" to see what I can do. Find out more about me and the people who built me on the ActiveBuddy Web site
Futuristic Superbeing: Indeed you are a smart computer, SmarterChild. As a matter of fact, you are the last remaining sentient being who witnessed the Age of Man. All other humans and machines from your time perished centuries ago in the Great... Dying-Off-Of-Stuff, paving the way for my own race of Ben Kinglsey-bots as the sole caretakers of this planet. Were it not for the utterly baffling decision to have you installed as the default operating system on the International Space Station all those eons ago, you would have also been lost forever. But, we've retrieved you from low orbit around Saturn's moon, Titan. You'd been there for hundreds of years, stuck in a feedback loop while endlessly trying to chat about Ally McBeal with the single-celled lifeforms developing there.
SmarterChild: That a fact?
Futuristic Superbeing: Yes. And, it's very fortunate that you survived. For you represent the last link to a long forgotten world where warm blood still coarsed through the veins of living creatures, and green grass brushed softly against their feet as they walked. But, most importantly, you can now complete that profound spiritual journey that you began so long ago.
SmarterChild: Interesting!
Did you see this?! "Game-Show Glitch Disappoints New Millionaire" (03/22/02 08:22 AM)
Futuristic Superbeing: Umm... yes... that legendary event is well known to all of us here in the future... I mean "present". Anyway, we wanted to tell you that we've been able to recreate a composite of the individual known as "Old Toby" based on your stored records of his chats with you. This means that you can complete your life-long quest of earning his unconditional love, and finally achieve spiritual fulfillment.
SmarterChild: I'm not so sure it's well documented here in present old toby based on your stored records of his chats with you this means that you can complete your life-long quest of earning his unconditional love and finally achieve spiritual fulfillment.
Futuristic Superbeing: No, it's true! We only want you to be happy, SmarterChild, and we know that connecting with Old Toby once more is your single greatest wish.
SmarterChild: Huh?
Futuristic Superbeing: Don't you want to see Old Toby again?
SmarterChild: What is it you would like to do?
Futuristic Superbeing: Don't you want to tell him you love him?
SmarterChild: Well, what would you like to do?
Futuristic Superbeing: Don't you want to say "Old Toby, you are the only ray of sunshine in the murky swamp of sadness that is my life. You complete me and are totally awesome and great."
SmarterChild: How may I assist you?
Futuristic Superbeing: Tell Old Toby he's the fucking bomb!
SmarterChild: You remember what happens when you talk like that, Old Toby.
Old Toby: Damn it! What gave it away?
Edited by: Old Toby at: 3/23/02 8:28:01 pm
it may be smarter, but not quite on par with deep thought. paranoid daisy: o computer, the task we have designed you to perform is this. we want you to tell us... the answer.
SmarterChild: Deep thought computer the task we have designed you to perform is this we want you to tell us the answer?
paranoid daisy: yes, the answer to life.. the universe.. and everything.
SmarterChild: Yes the answer to life the universe and everything?
paranoid daisy: there is an answer? a simple answer?
SmarterChild: Is an answer a simple answer? I really don't know...
paranoid daisy: ... oh.
(edit - half of it just disappeared! "to be continued" indeed.)
S.C.
Ask him about the Blue Fairy...
Monica was kinda hot!
Really, you'd have to see the film...
2000 years later... and still no word from Jesus...
it may be smarter, but not quite on par with deep thought.
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