Rena's Journal
So I’ve decided I will start a journal here. I will commit to an entry at least once a week, but will take it day by day and may post additional entries when I feel moved to do so or maybe even need a swift kick in the rear.
I am 5 days into my new program and really feeling GREAT about it. I have been 100% to plan with both my nutrition and workouts, and although I am very tired and sore, it hurts so good! I think my soreness stems not so much in that I have made a conscious effort to increase my weight in my workouts, but more in that I have really focused into the mind-body connection. I have made sure that my mental focus really fueled the intensity of my workouts this week. I am quite impressed with myself really as I have so many other things going on right now. With 3 boys in sports, 2 (ages 11 and in football season and my youngest (age 4) in soccer it has been quite a stretch to make it to bed at a reasonable hour. BUT, I have managed to plan ahead, always prepared for the occasional pot-hole in the road, and I have gotten enough sleep to keep up with my 4 a.m. workouts!
I am also very happy to say that I am wearing a pair of pants today at work that are literally falling off my hips!! WHOOO-HOOO! Last week I wore them and they were cutting into my mid-section while sitting at my desk. I was miserable all day at work and couldn’t wait to get home to change! It has only been 5 days and I am feeling tighter. It is motivation to keep forward motion in place! Darrin is so RIGHT in that nutrition plays such a HUGE ROLE in your condition. I cannot begin to express my gratitude to him for giving me the direction I could not devise myself.
I’ve been spending a lot of my quite time, my drive to work mostly, visualizing my goals. It makes such a difference as I KNOW my visualization is more than possible as I have been there before. It is so hard for some of my family and friends to understand as far as why I am doing this. My extreme weight loss was a big adjustment for my husband in more ways than one. My competing was a whole other ball-game. He really had a hard time digesting that as I was totally 110% committed during that season. He had to get use to a new me and frankly it was tough for both of us as I sometimes felt like he could have been more supportive.
The truth is for a long time, I felt like maybe he added to my rebound and almost encouraged me to gain this weight back. He was happy for me to relax and not be such a freak about workouts and eating. My kids were thrilled that I would actually join them at the dinner table and I began to believe that maybe I had been the one who had faltered in my support of the family.
My husband and I have worked very hard to come to the understanding that health and wellness does not have to be such an extreme that comes between us. We are both very much in love not only with each other, but with our beautiful family we have cultivated. We both agree balance is key and that goes for all areas of our lives. There is so much we can do together that promotes all the things leading to our goals and not away from them. I have shared with him that I may want to get back to competing, but my goals are far larger than a single day on stage and always include him.
For now, I am taking things one day at a time, and as of today I am on top of the world to say I am 5 DAYS IN AT 100%!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow is my middle son’s birthday. We will spend the day at the soccer and football fields as we must be there for three games. The heat is unbearable right now here in Florida. I will make sure to have an endless supply of water and my meals packed safely in my cooler. I can go out to the car to eat every 3 hours. Afterwards we are bringing home a few of my sons friends to celebrate his birthday. I ordered him the YUMMIEST birthday cake from a frozen custard shop called Brusters. It is a chocolate cake and mint chocolate chip frozen custard concoction. My plan does not call for any cheat days at the moment, so I am going to forego partaking in this very decadent treat. On Sunday, I KNOW I will be so proud of myself as that will be HUGE. I am not big on sweets, but ice cream – especially mint chocolate chip with dark chocolate chunks – is one of my most favorite treats!
I am weighing in tomorrow and will record the results. I am not one who obsesses over the scale as I am more about how I look and feel. That says volumes more to me. However, because I weighed in at the start of this program, I will weigh in weekly as an added measure.
WHOA Rena...what an entry into journaling world LOL You sound like you have your head screwed on pretty tight Good on you girl From my own experience I can say...I was just like you...pretty extreme and full on Even thou I was never cranky or irritable with my family I was pretty uptight I was always stressing about timing of my food and rushing them home from where ever we were,so I could feed my face Well you get the picture...everything was around eating,training, sleeping...Not much balance in my life and I must say I wish I handled it better. But hey we learn all the time. Now I am 100% better with my approach. I am still dedicated but not fanatical LOL!!! If I had to say what was the major influence...I would have to say Yoga and my new BF.We do loads of body/mind stuff and it makes huge difference to my outlook on everything
Anyway this is your journal,but I just had to chip in
Keep sweet and well done on your change already
What a great post! Thank you for sharing your candid account of your experiences before, during and after training for a competiton.
Like you, I am not comfortable with the imbalance that comes with strict requirements for training to compete. Somehow, though, I love the discipline that leads to ultra organization in other areas of life. I love how my body feels like a well-run machine and how noticeble the physical changes are.
I struggle, too, with the effects it has on my family. When I was training for months and had to explain to my daughter one day why I couldn't eat strawberries (the sugar), I know it was confusing to her. I certainly don't want to mislead my kids about healthy food choices, but I am carving a way to include a more balanced nutrition program with getting the physical results I want.
It is great that you want to compete again! You sound very grounded and realistic about how much you want to fulfill your dreams while making sure it gels with your family's needs and desires.
Re: DARRIN, Aluschka, and Shelagh...
Darrin, you've got mail!
Aluscka and Shelagh, thank you so much for reading and responding!! It means a great deal to know that there is support and experience out there if I only I am open to receiving it. I have much to say, but HAVE TO get the boys to the football field for a their games today. While I am in a HUGE rush, I had to come in and report what the scale revealed today....DRUM ROLL....
My hard work and dedication has PAID OFF!!!!!! The scale was 3.5 lbs. lighter and that was weighing in after meal #1!! Although I have not plugged those numbers into figuring my body composition yet, and I am more than THRILLED with that for 6 days in!
Off to football I go!
Will be back to journal more when time permits. Have a great weekend all!
Re: DARRIN, Aluschka, and Shelagh...
FANTASTIC news Hard work and dedication always pays off BTW Rena...would be great to see some of your pics so we know who we talking too
Aluschka
Hi! first I want you to know how very much I enjoy reading your posts! Not only are you very informative, but you are so vibrantly positive! For the longest I have not been able to view pics and/or avatars here on Darrin and LA's site, but suddenly I am able to see them all. I have finally put a face to your name as your avatar is revealed. You are as stunning as I guessed you might be behind the words of wisdom and support your offer here on this forum. Beautiful pic!
As for my pics, I am afraid my current ones do not reflect the true athlete within. The last year or so I have veered so far off the path I'd set leading to my current goals, that I have quite the detour to take to even get back onto that path. By the grace of God, Darrin has been so kind as to give me just the guidance I've needed to get back to that path.
Now it's up to me to move forward, not stepping to the left or the right, but always moving forward. I take full responsibilty for the condition I am in now and also take responsibilty in that I have to be the one to make the changes.
It will forever be a process for me, as my lifestyle has changed dramatically since being obese and losing over 100 lbs. Some days are easier than others. For example yesterday, I found myself forcing myself to eat. I just wasn't hungry which is very out of character for me. But I ate all 6 meals, and knew today would be a better day because of it.
I am NOT genetically blessed, but I am blessed with a VERY strong spirit and desire and I have been known to go against the grain on more than one occasion. I love to prove people's doubts wrong, including my own.
With that said, I will post some recent pics, some pics when I weighed around 244 lbs., and a few of my comp pics so you can put several faces to my name! Know that it kills me to post some of them, but hey...it can only add to my accountability, right?!
Stick around Aluschka. I like you being around. It keeps me in check!
Re: Aluschka
Ohhhhh..you are soooooo sweet Rena Thank you for the compliments.Being positive is much harder then being negative grouch LOL...that comes easy and I generaly do not do things that come easy No seriously mind is a very powerful tool we have been given.I have a little story for you..I had a coffee date with one of my girlfriends and she never showed up I was gutted...but in my mind I was positive and thought of 100 dif reasons why she did not make it or why she did not call or send me text message etc...I called her but phone went straight into message...I phoned a few times withing next two days...same thing.My mind turned negative,I felt hurt and slightly peeved off Friends do not do stuff like this. Then at the end of the third day she calls me and tells me how sorry she is she missed her date.Her father has been taken to hospital with heart attack,she dropped her mobil while running around and it broke and when she tried to call me from the phone boot-bloody thing eat her coins without giving her credits She spent two days in hospital with her dad fighting for his life,no money,no phone...and much more dramas...
So when she told me the story the situation changed withing seconds I spent such a long time in negative state of mind for no reason. If I have kept my positive attitude and trust in my friend,everything would be sweet. What I am trying to say is that whatever I was feeling was caused by my thoughts/mind not by what real situation was.I hope that makes sense I took lesson from it..it always pays to be positive and that mind is powerfull tool. Our state of mind makes us or breaks us I choose to do my best to be pleasant person to be around...not an easy task let me tell,because I am introvert big time..But I am working on it on day to day basis bit by bit
And I agree that you have strong spirit and desire Your posts are intelligent and full of compasion and understanding
As for your current state (bodywise)..trust me we all slip up a notch or two LOL!!! Most important is that we are aware of it and want to get back on track and go for it with all our honesty
I am looking forward to those pics girl...well if I will be able to see them...I still see only red X everywhere. Not sure what is happening here
Anyway I hijacked your post again...phew do I ever shut up or what
Re: Cardio Day and reply to Aluschka
Good morning, Aluschka! It looks as if you and I might be the only ones around lately. That’s okay …I know we all have a lot going on. Getting online is never easy for me, but I am able to find time here and there while at work.
Aluscka, as for your story – love it and have had had a similar instance. I can totally relate on every level and find that negative thoughts are such a waste of one’s time and energy. I do have a question for you though….you say that you are an introvert?????? Okay…did I read that wrong or I am missing something here?! After reading your posts, I would NEVER peg you as an introvert! Please take that as a complement as that is how I mean it. As for you hi-jacking my journal – LOL…I have been know to get quite “wordy” myself. I am such a stickler for details that I tend to be long-winded in my speaking and writing. So anyone reading my journal may as well pull up a chair when doing so! Don’t worry about “hi-jacking” here. I welcome you aboard anytime!
So today was a cardio only day which was welcomed. I actually got an extra 45 minutes of sleep since I had no weight training. I got to sleep in till 4:45 a.m. which may not seem like sleeping in to most people, but to me that 45 minutes is treasure! I have been so tired with the boys having football practice during the week. By the time we get home it’s around 9:30 p.m. and we still have homework and a meal. They come home ravenous, like they haven’t eaten in years. I am a stickler about a clean house, so I cannot go to bed at peace if the kitchen is not spotless. By the time I lay my body to rest, it is around 10:30 p.m. and I am out like a light the minute me head hits the pillow.
This morning’s cardio was so enjoyable! I love cardio. It is my time to meditate and reflect on the days past as well as the day ahead. My cardio of choice is the treadmill and/or the elliptical. I can burn time and calories on the elliptical like nobodies business! As for the treadmill I usually do 45 min. of moderate cardio. Everyone’s moderate is different and mine happens to be 45 min. of walking at 4.2 MPH. Any faster and I would be I would be jogging. 4.2 MPH gets enough of a burn and sweat going to make me feel like I have done some work. Any less of a speed and I really don’t feel like it was worth my 45 minutes. I might look a little crazy on the treadmill walking that fast, but hey…who’s looking right?
Today I had planned on only doing 35 minutes as I really needed to be off to work early; however, at minute 35 EXAC TLY my most favorite tune came through the earpiece of my MP3 player. It is a song by Jars of Clay called “He Will Lift You Up”. When that song comes on, I get my second wind. Every time! It is one of the most powerful songs I have ever heard. I am a very spiritual person and love to use my workout time as time spent with God as well. Every morning He meets me for my workouts. I love all kinds of music, but my MP3 player is full of contemporary Christian tunes that really life me during my workouts. This one song in particular always seems to play at the most opportune time. When my muscles are feeling weak, when my butts dragging and I am ready to through in the towel, when my body says “Give it a rest. I can’t take anymore!” THERE IT IS – BAM! This song plays and I get my second wind. My adrenaline takes over and I roll! I love it! Funny, but I have always said if I compete again, this may be the song I use for my posing routine. I already have the music cut and whole routine choreographed in my mind. When it plays, I envision the whole routine in my head and I can feel hitting every pose. It is most powerful I tell ya…. The very strange thing is that this particular song is downloaded to my MP3 player not just once, but twice! How did that happen??? I do not know, as NO OTHER songs are on there twice. Just this one! I find it to be no CO-INKY-DINK. I think it was meant to be that way. I never get tired of listening to it!
Okay…so off of that tangent. Workouts, eats, and all else 100% this week. Not a hitch to speak of EXCEPT that I missed meal #6 last night due to getting off track during the day on meal times. So let’s take that 100% and revise to 98% on that note.
We’ll see what my progress report says on Sat. as I plan on full-speed ahead for the rest of the week!
Re: Cardio Day and reply to Aluschka
I must say I have been feeling a bit lonely here lately But since you arrived there si some entertaiment happening As for not many posts in your journal...Remember a lots of people just read and do not post
I hear what you saying about me being introvert. I have no problems interacting on line,but in person it is different story. It takes me ages to let people in and socialize, but once I do people roll on the floor in tears. I can be real goof If you went to my gym and ask people about me...nobody knows anything. I go in and out like lightning and do not encourage people to talk to me I have my iPod on,cap..no eye contact.Heaps of folks socialize in the gym,but not me. And let me tell you NZ is even worst (in nice way) then any other country I have been too. People are so nice,sweet and friendly it is unreal. That is why most people are stuck in the gym for hours..I am not kidding you I will drive past the gym to do shopping and see who is there,then go back home,then muck around and two hours later when I go to gym...guess what? Most are still there
Anyway you crack me up with your sleeping in...I have midnight at that time of the day LO!!! I like cardio too and as you I use MP3 or iPod..with some songs I go wild and people think I am mad sprinting like that LOL. I feel good after cardio so I use it as mood enhancement and as nice warm up before yoga.I really have to have my body heat up for that...my old creaky bodz function best that way Let me tell you it can be freaky cold here and I am frozen to the core most times,not like when I lived in South Africa..phew that was dif story 40 degrees celsia and more
So you are not planning to compete in near future but you already have song...good on you girl I have comp planned in 8 weeks(don't really want to so I might can it) and have no clue what song,what routine...no walking on my high heels and no posing...not exhactly very professional...I am embarassed Here is my update if you want to have a read:
Re: Alushka!
Gross photo to thr right is an UNDERSTATEMENT! EEEK!
LOL....
Okay, so I linked to your friend's web page, but where is your update???? I navigated through the page...????...am I just dumb or am I missing you somewhere?
A little help here, girlie! Of course I want to read.
So I have read and learned that your friend will not be joining you onstage. Bummer!
But in reading, I think it's great you will continue to the stage with or without her. There is no greater reward than setting a goal and sticking to the plan to achieve it until you do!
Speaking of plan and comps...as for the routine in my head. I love to choreograph. Especially if the music has great lyrics and meaning. To bad we are not close. I would love to help you! As for the music - girl, you better get on that! And your suits - what'd ya pick??? Huh, huh?!
Re: Alushka
Sorry I was not around to help with navigation I am housitting my friends farm and no internet there But you came out a winner anyway Rena to be quite honest I have no desire to step on stage at all..it is just not my cuppa tea I love watching the shows and admire the girls up there..The only reason I was going to do it was to support my friend. It would have been her first time and as you know it can be nerve wrecking. So I told her I will come along and help and then I though...oh well I might as well step on stage. But as you know she won't be entering..me being me super organized in advance...I booked posing sessions,new bikini,shoes etc...As for music and routine I thought about using my old one from SA in 2001. But now I do not feel like going through it...it was not point for me to compete.I have nasty shoulder injury and can't do much weights with my upper body-very limited range. My tendon is ripped off the bone and I need surgery I was going to go under the knife in September,but I would not be ready for my summer beach volleyball Pro Tour. So I will go sometime after New Year. The surgeon gave me green light for playing-he said I can't mess it up anymore-the only thing is the pain and how to control it I know I should just skip one season and have it done and over with,but this year my BF will play too,so it would be torture for me to travel with him and not be able to play
Anyway...at the moment it is 50/50 if I will enter the comp or not
Aluschka
Hey Aluschka! I totally get where your coming from regarding the stage. My head says sometimes, "Go for it! Set a goal to get back on stage and you know YOU WILL ACHIEVE IT!" But then my heart says..."Rena, are you sure you really want to get back to the stage for all the right reasons?..." and the self-talk goes on and on in a number of different tangents as to all the reasons why I haven't been back since. I really admire you offering your friend support to do so, even if it is not your "cuppa tea".
To your Pro Tour - that is WAY COOL, chic! I love volleyball - although I have NEVER even played. A little strange sounding that I love the game and have never played??? Yes, I agree. I just love watching as it looks so athletic and grueling! I didn't know you played until that read. Glad you got the green-light to play. Sounds like that is a definite love in your life, yeah?
As for my day today - FULL ON! I had a SUPER shoulder, bicep, and tricep workout this morning followed by 35 minutes of sweeeeet cardio. I am ready for a great weekend!
Re: Patience Butterfly
I have to remind myself that slow and steady wins the race today. I weighed in yesterday and lost 2 more pounds this week. That makes for a total of 5.5 pounds since working my new plan. Not bad for 2 weeks and just as Darrin figured as far as loss. I still have yet to plug those numbers into body composition, so I know that can be a significantly different outlook as far as fat loss and lean tissue gain.
I got a GREAT compliment at the football field yesterday that I will carry with me through this week. Someone took the time to tell me they noticed I was losing weight and looking "fit". Ahhhhh...."fit" is a word I just love to hear. The littlest thing, a kind word, can make somone's day. I am very aware of this and make it a point to always share a kind word of compliment when and if I see it is due.
On that note, I must close as I am off for a yard workout today. With our hectic schedules, hubby and I have neglected our landscaping duties. Today we are catching up and installing landscape lighting which will be a total workout in itself and we must dig trenches and such to bury wires. I have lathered up with sunscreen and am ready sweat! The heat is truly scorching! Yesterday an ambulance took away a spectator at the football game as she passed out from heat exhaustion.
Re: Patience Butterfly
Hey girl..you are hoofing it 5.5lb in two weeks How much do you have to/want to shed in total? Just shows you have important precise nutritional plan is huh I have tighten my eating plan as off this morning..back to using scale for my food. Amazing how much smaller my correct portions are I have been rather generous lately My eyes have been getting bigger and bigger ...so the eyeballing the portion is out and scales are in
Yeah the Beach Volley is fun to watch I agree...When it comes to playing..hmmm most times it is fun but hard work too Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through such a pain . It is non-stop plyometrics,diving for the ball and sprinting. I started to play indoor volley in Europe when I was 13 and beach when I was 24. I played top league +I spent 6 years on National team. Heaps of jumping on hard floor let me tell you I quit Indoor and National team in 2001 and stucked with beach only.So I have been playing for the last 26 years I must say if I did not look after myself by fairly strict eating I would not be able to play now
Keep sweet and let's melt those fat cells away
My first fall
and I am sure it will not be my last, but the most important thing is today I am on my feet and standing tall, right back to program at 100%. Last night I ate a peach and a gala apple. My plan does not call for any fruit whatsoever, so it was a huge vear off plan. To the average person a piece of fruit would not seem like a fall, but for me, I have made a committment to follow the outlined plan I have been given 100% and any thing off plan is a fall. Why did I eat the fruit? I am not even quite sure. I am still trying to figure that one out. I was home with my 4-year-old who wanted to eat everything in sight. In the p.m., that little guy acts as if he hasn't eaten at pre-school all day. My kids have free access to the snacks in the refrige which are all fresh fruits and veggies. As I watched him eating a peach, I reached for one too. Why didn't I stop at that???? I then ate an apple. A crunchy, sweet gala apple. Sure it was great while it lasted, but was it worth it? Not really. The pleasure was momentary at best.
Today I am back to plan 100%. I did a little extra cardio this morning, simply to feel better mentally.
Aluschka, as for my goals...they are pretty tall. I will reveal them as I have nothing to hide. I was not exxagerating (spelling????) when I said I have backsliden in a major way. My current weight loss goal is to lose 40 pounds of scale weight. 5.5 pounds down and 34.5 to go so I am well on my way. As for body composition, I really want to get to a healthy 15% bodyfat. When I reach that, I will then re-evaluate my goals and any plans to compete. The weight gain has been purely nutrition abandonment. I am a prime example that if you are missing A or B in the equation, you will never get to C. Since my initial physical transformation and lifestyle change, I have always loved working out and never miss a workout. That is where my strength lies, but all the working out, all the time spent in the gym doesn't mean a darn thing if you don't have your nutrition in check. I am a true testimony of a fat gym rat. (Keeping in mind I do NOT play in the gym. I go there to get it done, no socializing, MP3 player going, earphones in and I make every effort to avoid eye contact with anyone while working out. The morning crew knows not to mess with me unless I am completely done with my set.) Aluschka, we have that in common.
So my committment to my nutrition is KEY to my success in reaching my goals. Swift kicks in the butt welcome anytime!
Quote:It looks as if you and I might be the only ones around lately. That’s okay
oh noooo....we are always check'n in and reading everyones posts....we are little devils, always sneaking a peak This board get over 400 hits a day so you can be sure your posts are being read
As for you having a little extra nibble yesterday....don't worry about it..just get back on track. The good thing is that you made good choices on the treats...they are both low GI and your body more than likely used them up right away.
Re: LA
Thanks for the journal note! For me it helps to know the "little devils" are reading as it somehow adds to my accountability.
Hopefully, as you suggested, my body did use them up right away as I have been burning the candle at both ends. Although my afterthought of disappointment kicked in, I do have to cushion it with the know that my choice of treats could of been much worse, yes.
Thanks for the encouragement! Your journey, even as it continues, has been a huge motivator for me.
Re: Crack me up
OMG..the whole peach and apple..tsk tsk tsk...naughty girl Just kidding...relax Rena ...you crack me up girl Someone off the street would think we must be total nuts considering fruit a cheat My friends though I am off the wall when I told them that muesli (which they eat for breakfast) is like a desert for me Once or twice per month maybe Anyway I hear what you are saying...it is all or nothing with you huh? It is great attitude,cos it is the little thing which makes us fall apart...you know..oh that leftover peanut butter on the spoon (left after making kids a sammy) does not count..and that bite into pizza is no big deal..etc.Before you know it it becomes everyday habit and you are back in the old ways of eating So yeah being strict and taking your eating seriously is way to go But on the other hand we are only humans so if we trip from time to time it is ok...as long as we get up and carry on with the task. Plus I give you 5***** for chosing fantastic "Cheat" You could have stuffed your face with cookies,chips,chocolate..etc.but you went with healthy food..good on ya girl As for your extra 40lb..oh well..most important is that you have cought it before it got totally outta hands.I am positive that it will melt off you before you know it
Keep sweet and keep me(us) posted. I really like your journal
Re: All or nothing
Yes, Aluschka, unfortunately for me it has to be all or nothing. I am the type to put blinders on when going after a goal, whether it be a stepping stone or a lofty one. In the past, doing things only some of the time got me of only some of the results I wanted. I learned a long time ago that I would and could NEVER be perfect, but it sure is fulfilling to try to be. If I want it all, I have to give it my all. Anything less will get me just that - LESS.
You are so funny! With the tsk tsk tsk, I could actually visualize you standing there with a snide grin while giving me the scarcastic scolding and telling me to relax.
What is muesli? Desert???? Ohhhh...must be something yummy!
As for my journal entry for today, I have progress to report! I noticed today and yesterday that the back fat is melting away!!! SO EXCITING for me as I am very self-concious of the dreaded back fat. UGH... My back is probably the bodypart that I have to work the hardest with in regards to training. Even in my best condition I never achieved quite the taper I wanted. I am very aware of the back fat when I put on weight and try to disguise it with a very up-right posture. Yesterday as I was pluggin' along on the treadmill, I noticed that my back felt a little less bumpy, if you will. When on the treadmill, I make a concious effort to tuck my pelvis and tighten my core. When I do so, I can feel everything about my back. Yesterday and today I felt like it was svelte. My sweatshirt was not clinging to me, well...not until I was drenched in sweat anyway, but the back fat is slowly but surely melting off! It was a really good feeling!
I had a great leg workout today. Was sweating as if I were doing cardio by the end of it.
Things are right on track...patience butterfly...God grant me the patience...
in football season and my youngest (age 4) in soccer it has been quite a stretch to make it to bed at a reasonable hour. BUT, I have managed to plan ahead, always prepared for the occasional pot-hole in the road, and I have gotten enough sleep to keep up with my 4 a.m. workouts!
Last week I wore them and they were cutting into my mid-section while sitting at my desk. I was miserable all day at work and couldn’t wait to get home to change! It has only been 5 days and I am feeling tighter. It is motivation to keep forward motion in place! Darrin is so RIGHT in that nutrition plays such a HUGE ROLE in your condition. I cannot begin to express my gratitude to him for giving me the direction I could not devise myself. 
You sound like you have your head screwed on pretty tight
From my own experience I can say...I was just like you...pretty extreme and full on
Even thou I was never cranky or irritable with my family I was pretty uptight
Well you get the picture...everything was around eating,training, sleeping...Not much balance in my life and I must say I wish I handled it better. But hey we learn all the time. Now I am 100% better with my approach. I am still dedicated but not fanatical LOL!!! If I had to say what was the major influence...I would have to say Yoga and my new BF.We do loads of body/mind stuff and it makes huge difference to my outlook on everything
But I ate all 6 meals, and knew today would be a better day because of it. 
I was gutted...but in my mind I was positive and thought of 100 dif reasons why she did not make it or why she did not call or send me text message etc...I called her but phone went straight into message...I phoned a few times withing next two days...same thing.My mind turned negative,I felt hurt and slightly peeved off
She spent two days in hospital with her dad fighting for his life,no money,no phone...and much more dramas...
I will drive past the gym to do shopping and see who is there,then go back home,then muck around and two hours later when I go to gym...guess what? Most are still there
This board get over 400 hits a day so you can be sure your posts are being read
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