Morph Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Stuff
The following will make sense to you only if you were/are a fan of Power Rangers. In this story, that's loosely based off of the The Phantom Menace, characters from just about every era of Power Rangers are put into the roles of the star wars characters that we know and love.
This story was an idea of an old friend of mine, whom we'll just call TG , a guy that I've known for far longer than any of you guys . So anyways we decided to get together and write this thing because we both love PR and SW. So here is the end result. I guess we're going to spoof the entire saga, so keep your eyes peeled here for future updates.
And without any further adeu...
As the Saban logo flashes and flares, accompanied by the fanfare of the 20th Century Fox theme we are brought into the...
MORPH WARS
EPISODE I
THE PHANTOM STUFF
Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Mall. The taxtation of pretty dresses to outlying star systems is in a ruckus.
Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of funny looking, but deadly, battle ships, the greedy Machine Empire has stopped shipment of the pretty dresses to the small planet of Angel Grove.
While the managers of the Mall endlessly debate the alarming inflation of the prices of the pretty dresses, the Supreme Owner has secretly dispatched two Power Rangers, the guardians of all things cool in the galaxy, to settle the pricy matter...
* * * * *
A lone Go-Kart vessle exited from hyper-porting at that moment. It came to view firsthand just the sheer amount of Machine Empire "fritter" ships, as was the slang term used by those who had crappy dealings with that corporation. The number of ships amounted to a great deal. No one really felt like counting them because they were so utterly bored with the assignment that lay ahead. All this for "pretty dresses"...sheesh.
Onboard the ship, two cloaked figures looked on at the blockade that had surrounded the flippin awesome planet that was Angel Grove. Not nearly as awesome as Eltar, but it had it's own sweet tune to jig to. The taller cloaked figure put his hand on the seat of the captain of the go-kart vessle, one Cassidy.
"Captain?", the figure asked...in a demanding kind of way.
Cassidy sighed, not liking the tone of his voice already. "Yes, sir?", she asked back in a tone that betrayed her annoyance.
"Don't you get smart with me, missy! Just tell them we want to get on that friggin ship at once!", the cloaked figure bellowed.
"Like, whatever," Captain Cornell groaned, smacking her gum as she reached over and activated the viewscreen. On the screen appeared a furry white, elf-like creature. "Like, ew," Captain Cornell said. Then she quickly composed herself and said, "Like, no offense, man, but can we get on your ship already? I've been in this seat so long my ass is getting numb."
Viceroy Finster nodded. "Of course, Captain. Our blockade is perfectly legal. Yep, sure is legal. Definitely nothing illegal about it. We're just sittin' here, being a perfectly legal blockade. We're so legal, we---"
"We get it already!" Captain Cornell snapped. "Docking now!"
The go-kart vessel soon flew into the main docking bay of the Machine Empire's Gear Ship. Various Cogs and mechanical creatures watched as the two hooded figures emerged from their craft and left the docking bay. As they passed through the door, they found a red and gold droid awaiting them on the other side.
"YO YO YO!" the droid cried out in an unbearably thick Brooklyn accent. "I'm Alpha 6, and I'm here to welcome youse to the ship. Just follow me, and I'll fix ya up!"
The droids began walking down the hallways.
The smaller of the hooded figures glared at the droids for a moment and began, "What the fu---"
The taller one put his hand on his partner's shoulder, silencing him.
It didn't take long before they were lead into a small room with meager furnishings. A long table with chairs. Nothing too fancy. But the view from the screens weren't too shabby. Not too shabby at all. But the cloaked figures had no time to dwell on this, for the droid that called itself Alpha 6 was spewing out more garbage that couldn't even be called speech.
"Stay here and I'll be back with my masters, yo. Makes yourselves comfortable," the droid spouted.
Alpha 6 scurried away, leaving the two cloaked figured to their own devices. And from their point of view...their sanity.
The two of them soon pulled their hoods down, revealing their identities. The shorter one was a young man with dark brown hair. The second, taller one was an obviously older man, his head completely bald.
"Aww, man, I've got a bad feeling about this," the younger one, Jason Lee Kenobi, said.
"I sense nothing," replied Zor-Don Jinn, more commonly known as merely Zordon.
"It's not about the mission, Master," Jason said, glancing around.
"Something elusive? Elsewhere?" Zor-Don asked. "A tremor in the Morphin Grid?"
"No, nothing like that," Jason said. "It's just that... I haven't seen any chicks on this ship. What kinda fa---"
* * * * *
"GAH! What did you say?!"
Viceroys Finster and Baboo were questioning Alpha 6, who had since returned to the main deck.
"Well, homeys, if I ain't mistaken, the two ambassadors look an awful lot like Powa Rangas!" the droid responded.
"Golly, they must be trying to force us into a settlement," Viceroy Baboo suggested. "Or worse, destroy us! Or the whole ship! WE'RE DOO---"
"Will you calm down, you half-wit?" Viceroy Finster asked. "Go and distract them, I will contact Lord Ooze."
"I may be a half-wit, but at least that means I've got half a wit! I'm not going in there with two Power Rangers!" Viceroy Baboo cried out in his rather nasally voice.
Viceroy Finster opened his mouth to object when the stupidity of his colleague's statement registered. "...how the hell did you get this job again?" he asked him.
"Look," Viceroy Baboo said. "Just send the droid in."
"Yeah!" Alpha 6 piped up. "Send da droid i----oh, crap."
* * * * *
Alpha 6 chose the most inappropiate moment to re-enter the guest quarters. It was a time few people ever wanted to experience, let alone hear. Unfortunately for Zordon, he had been dealing with it ever since Jason had entered his teenage years. At that time it was even worse than it was now, but it didn't make the situation any less bearable.
Jason had the annoying habit of going into rants about his love life, or lackthereof. It had nothing to do with being a Power Ranger. Far from it. The Power Ranger Order encouraged its members to marry and have families. So that part wasn't an issue at all. Jason's problem was that, simply put, he was a loser. He was so self obsessed with the fact that he was a power ranger, that it would generally make him a poor dating material. Women would literally flee from him as if he were some giant, rampaging, evil space alien.
But what could Zordon do, as his mentor and friend, but try to console and confort his student?
Tell him the hard truth that's what!
"Man, Zordon, why can't I get a date, man? This just sucks. How am I ever suppose to find true lov...," Jason rambled.
"Ahem," Alpha 6 announced, garnering the attention of his guests.
Zordon and Jason noticed that Alpha was carrying refreshments on a tray. Without any hint, or warning, the poor droid was bumrushed and left laying on its back with the tray somewhere close by. The ones still standing, Zordon and Jason, were gulping down their drinks like it would be their last. It was only when they were finished that a thought registered in their minds.
"Why the hell is it taking so long for them to meet with us?", Jason grumbled.
Zordon shrugged. "Could be that they're scared crapless. At least that's what the morphing grid tells me."
Jason raised an eyebrow. "And those were it's exact words?"
Zordon grinned at his student. "More or less. Oh by the way, pay attention to the matters at hand! Stop getting distracted by girls! Keep your concentration here and now where it belongs...'man'."
* * * * *
Viceroys Finster and Baboo were facing a blue-tinted hologram of another cloaked figure, the hood covering everything but his mouth and chin. This one, however, looked much more intimidating than either Jason or Zordon. Though you couldn't tell the color of his skin from the coloring of the hologram, you could tell that his skin was much slimier and squishier than any human's. Also, twin horns jutted from his chin, twirling together like some demented beard.
Viceroy Baboo cried, "Lord Ooze! We're done! Finished! Kaput! We'd be crazy to go against the Power Rangers!"
"Viceroy Finster," the being addressed as Lord Ooze croaked out. "I never want to have this whiney little bitch in my sights again."
Viceroy Baboo soon yelped and ran out, but not before Viceroy Finster smacked him in the back of the head.
"This interference from the Rangers is most unfortunate. We will have to accellerate our plan," Lord Ooze instructed Viceroy Finster. "Prepare landing your Cogs."
"My Lord," Finster began. "...is that legal?"
"Is your blockade?"
"Right, stupid question."
Viceroy Finster was about to leave, when it occured to him. "And what of the Rangers?"
"Kill them," Lord Ooze barked. "Immediately."
* * * * *
In the main docking bay, a large cannon extended down from the ceiling and aimed directly at the go-kart vessel.
"Uhh, Cass, you may wanna see this," First Lieutenant Devin said, panic growing in his voice.
"Like, not now, Devin," Captain Cornell snapped, looking into her compact mirror. "I'm trying to fix my hair."
"Cass, this is a bit more important than your hair!"
"What on Eltar could possibly be more important than my---" Captain Cornell trailed off as she looked up and immediately spotted the cannon aimed directly at them. "Shi---"
In a single blast, the ship was obliterated.
* * * * *
Zordon and Jason sensed the danger and the threat before the go-kart even exploded. In a flash they leapt into defensive stances, poised to take on danger. Jason quickly morphed and had ignited his red Powersaber, while Zordon was ready with his cool blue Powersaber. They were ready for action...except that there was no action to be ready for.
"Uhh...", Jason drawled out.
"Yeah...", Zordon added.
For thirty more seconds, nothing happened.
"I guess that means the captain and her liutenant went kaboom", Jason suggested.
"Guess, so", Zordon agreed.
"The captain was kind of hot...", Jason started.
"For the love of the morphing grid, shut up!", Zordon warned.
* * * * *
A group of Cogs, the main component of the Machine Empire's ground forces, gathered outside of the guest room. A hologram of Viceory Finster flickered on before them.
"We can't seem to turn the gas on, so prepare to face the Rangers fully alert. Uh...good luck!", the hologram dejected announced, then disappeared.
When the doors to the guest chamber opened, Zordon and Jason found themselves staring at the cogs wide eyed. The cogs looked to each other, turned tail, and ran for their robotic lives.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Jason said, lowering his saber.
Suddenly, the Cogs stopped running and turned, firing blaster bolts out of their eyes. The two Rangers nearly got hit, but managed to raise their sabers in time to deflect the blasts. By the time the Cogs reached them, the droids had produced javelin-like weapons. The large group of droids surrounded the two Rangers, but they easily sliced through the opposition with ther sabers. Sparks flew, and Cog pieces went everywhere.
* * * * *
"What is going on in there?!" Viceroy Finster demanded.
"Uhh, an ass-kicking, sir!" replied Vampirus, a bat-like creature keeping watch over the main console.
"Yes, but who's ass is being kicked?!" Viceroy Finster shot back.
* * * * *
A trio of Cogs was sent flying back as Jason let loose with a burst of the Power. Another five fell victim to Zordon's powersaber.
* * * * *
Viceroy Baboo came running up. "We're doomed! We're doomed!"
"Will you shut up?!" Viceroy Finster snapped.
"Have you ever encountered a Power Ranger before?" Baboo asked.
"Well, no," Finster began. "But---"
"THEN WE'RE DOOMED!"
"Oh, bloody hell," Finster groaned. He turned to Vampirus and ordered, "Seal off the bridge!"
Vampirus quickly activated the main doors, which began closing immediately.
"That won't be enough," Baboo whimpered.
"I mean it," Finster growled. "Shut up."
"We will not survive thi---"
Viceroy Baboo stumbled forward as his colleague smacked him hard in the back of the head.
* * * * *
More Cogs found their way to Jason and Zordon, but they were quickly cut down.
"So, just where exactly are we going, Master? Not that I don't enjoy the ass kicking we're doing here," Jason said as took out more Cogs.
"We're looking for the main bridge, where that punk ass Viceory and his homeboys are chillin," Zordon replied in all too familar tone.
Jason almost dropped his powersaber. A look of horror overcame him as he stared at his master.
"You just said something...new yorker-ish!," Jason fearfully declared.
Beads of sweat rolled down from Zordon's crown. Needing something to distract Jason from the harsh revelation that Alpha 6's speech was rubbing off on him, Zordon reached into his psychological resivor and found something he could use to effectively deflect the topic of conversation away from him.
"Trini told me she likes you," Zordon quickly said, before looking away.
Jason's eyes widened at that revelation. "Really?!"
Finally, Zordon found what he was looking for. There was a sign on the front of the door that said, in big bold letters, "MAIN BRIDGE".
"Ah, we're here!", Zordon announced. He quickly used his Powersaber to begin cutting a man-sized hole for him and Jason to fit through.
"Hurry, will ya, Master?" Jason said, decapitating three Cogs in a row. "These things never stop!"
"Patience, my young apprentice," Zordon sighed. "I can't help how slow these cheapass sabers cut through doors."
"Sorry, Master, it's just that---"
Jason was cut off as the Cogs he was facing suddenly exploded into shrapnel and sparks. Jason stared blankly, stunned, and even Zordon looked up from slicing through the door.
At the other end of the hallway, stood Alpha 6, holding two of the biggest blasters Jason or Zordon had ever seen. Smoke came from their freshly-fired barrels.
Zordon and Jason regarded Alpha with a look one would give to seeing their nightmares becoming a reality.
"Master, isn't that the servant droid from before?", Jason fearfully asked.
Zordon nodded. "Uh, listen, Alpha 6 right? About what happened with the drinks...we didn't mean to..."
The apology that Zordon was trying to formulate towards Alpha 6 was cut off when the droid's voice modulator began to blare a familar song to the bewieldered Power Rangers.
"Tick tock, tick tock
You're runnin' out of time
No time to stop
'Cause they are close behind
When they come knock
They better know it's time
I've got the lock
To keep them all in line!!!!"
Alpha fired two more shots from his enormous hand cannons. Zordon and Jason didn't bother to try deflecting the blasts with ther powersabers. They merely ducked and covered their heads. The resulting explosions annihilated a group of elderly tourists who just happened to be passing by at the other end of the hallway.
Jason heard a muffled "oh dear" from one of the old folks as he rised to his feet. Zordon picked himself up as well. But before long they were back to dodging blasts and being made to hear more of Alpha 6's recorded singing.
"Well you can run and you can hide
When the evil's got you in sight
Cu-ca-com Combat
Cu-ca-com Combat!!!"
* * * * *
"What in the hell is going on out there?!" Viceroy Finster shrieked as he heard explosions directly outside the bridge door.
"One of our protocol droids has gone apeshit, sir!" Vampirus cried.
"WE'RE DOOMED!" Viceroy Baboo cried.
Ignoring his partner, Finster called out, "Send in the Drillekas! They must take out that haywire droid, and the Power Rangers!"
* * * * *
"This is insane!" Jason called out as he and Zordon were being chased by the equally-insane Alpha 6. "We're freaking Power Rangers! We take on Evil Space Aliens and monsters and stuff! Why the hell are we running from a protocol droid?!"
Before Zordon could answer, another blast flew past their heads and burned a massive hole through the wall.
"Oh, right," Jason muttered.
Suddenly, the two Rangers heard the sounds of treads rolling over the metallic floor. As they approached a corner, a trio of large, bulky droids turned the corner and faced them. These droids were vaguely square in shape and bronze in color. They had cannons for hands, but their most notable feature was the massive drill jutting from their stomachs.
Jason turned to Zordon in a panic. "Drill Masters!"
A hail of mini drills replied to Jason's announcement. With their powersabers brought to the fore, Jason and Zordon deflected the barrage of metallic death every which way. Some drills would ricochet off of the walls and others would plant themselves firmly within the metallic floors.
A few minutes into their defense, and a robotic shrill echoed from behind the two Power Rangers. Daring to spare a glance, Zordon and Jason looked behind themselves. To their surprise, and delight, Alpha 6 was riddled with drill holes. The homicidal droid fell over with a loud clunk, sparking, and jerking as its artificial life came to a malfunctioning end.
The Drill Masters took notice of this and stopped firing. They appeared confused by the sudden death of their robotic kin. Zordon and Jason could only grin at this accident that had turned out to be in their favor.
"Thanks!", Jason delightfully quipped.
In an instant, both Power Rangers blurred from view. The motion trackers of the Drill Masters caught site of their fleeing forms sprinting down a winding hallway. They uselessly fired their drill bullets, but the two rangers were already gone.
A hologram projector droid soon walked up and produced an image of Viceroy Finster.
"So, they've all been destroyed?" Finster asked.
"Uhh, not really," the lead Drill Master muttered.
"What?!!" Finster cried. "Your orders were to destroy the Rangers!"
"Well, uh," the Drill Master said. "We killed the protocol droid."
"FIND THE RANGERS!"
* * * * *
"'Let's jump into the ventilation system,'" Zordon groaned. "'They'll never find us in there.' Do you know how cramped it is in here?!"
"I said I was sorry," Jason sighed. "Besides, Master, I didn't see you coming up with anything better."
"Yes, yes," Zordon muttered. "Let's just find an exit to this thing."
Soon they found an exit from the ventilation system, and quietly as they could, sliced the vent open with their sabers, then hid behind a stack of large crates.
"Master, look!" Jason whispered.
"I see it," Zordon said somberly.
What they saw were several Machine Empire Gear Ships, loading up with troops. Endless numbers of Cogs, Drill Masters, QuadraFighters, and numerous other machines and droids were boarding the ships.
"It's an invasion army," Jason said, astonished.
Both he and Zordon hid behind a conveniently placed set of large crates, big enough to hide their forms.
"This is an odd play for the Machine Empire," Zordon stated. "We've got to warn the Grovians, and contact Owner Phenomenus. Let's split up. Stow aboard..."
"NO WAY!", Jason yelled, a little too loud.
The Cogs stopped in their preparations for a moment, but then went back to work. When Jason saw that he and his master had not been discovered by his stupidity, he breathed a sigh of relief...only to have that feeling squashed when he came under Zordon's glare.
"Why not?", the power ranger master growled.
"Last time we split up, I ended up pretending to be a cross dressing manequin aboard a Victoria's Secret freighter!", Jason replied.
Zordon slapped the smooth skin of his hairless head. "This is not the time to argue, apprentice!"
"My ass still hurts from wearing that thong!", was Jason's curt reply.
Zordon sighed, he knew there was only one way out of this.
"I'll hook you up with Trini the moment this mission is over," he stated in defeat.
Jason immediately brightened up. Not even bothering to wave goodbye to his master, he eagerly bordered the nearest Gear Ship. Luckily for him, the Cogs were so enthralled in their work, they didn't even see him board their vessle in plain sight.
Zordon stared, aghast. Wondering if his luck would hold out as well as Jason's, he too attempted to casually board a Gear Ship. Turns out he wasn't so lucky.
"Ticket please," the Cog warrior demanded.
Zordon gasped. What the hell was he suppose to do now?
He did the only thing he could do. He fumbled around in his tunic and produced a small slip of paper. It just happened to be a ticket to a Van Halen 3000 concert. The Cog droid nonchalantly took the ticket, placed it somewhere within it's metallic structure, and let Zordon pass. Zordon grumbled. He toyed with the idea of leaving the Power Ranger order after this mission. The thought gave him much comfort as he took a seat in plain view of a legion of Cogs on the Gear Ship.
The Cog sitting next to Zordon glanced over at him. He sat there for a few seconds before the Power Ranger's presence registered with him.
"Hey!" the Cog cried out in its robotic voice.
Zordon froze. He knew he was screwed. "Uhh... yes?"
"You're not a Cog!"
"No... I suppose I'm not..."
"You're a human disguise droid! The advanced battle droids sit over there!"
"Oh."
Zordon glared at the Cog in shock for a moment.
"Right, silly me. Musta been a, uh, logic malfunction."
"You were supposed to report to maintainence before we launched!"
"Yeah, well, like I said - logic malfunction."
Zordon got up and began to move to the area were the higher-up droids were stationed. As he left, he heard the Cog mutter, "Stupid human disguise droids..."
* * * * *
"Sir, we're getting a transmission from the planet," Vampirus called out.
Viceroy's Finster and Baboo beheld their Viewing Globe, in which "official" long range transmissions were displayed. In it, the image of Angel Grove's ruling politician came into view; a beautiful teenage girl whose sheer attractiveness would have been magnified had she not been burried under such whorish makeup. Such was Angel Grove's traditions when it came to their rulers. Only they could make pretty people look ugly.
Finster had to hold back a rush of laughter as he stared into the face of Queen Acrobatica. Baboo wasn't having nearly as much success.
"Queen Acrobatica herself!", Baboo laughed.
"At last we're getting results," Finster chuckled. "Again you come before us, your highness."
And that's when Finster gave up and joined Baboo in reacting naturally to a very comical sight.
"Like, what's so funny, Viceroys?" Queen Acrobatica demanded. "I do not find this situation very humorous."
"We-we're just so pleased to see you, Queen Acrobatica," Viceroy Finster snickered.
"Like, you won't be very pleased when you hear what I've got to say," the Queen replied. "Your trade blockade of my planet has so totally ended."
Finster stopped laughing. "I wasn't aware of such a failiure."
"Chancellor Phenomenus has informed me his two ambassadors are with you now," the young Queen explained. "And that they are so going to force you into a settlement."
"What ambassadors? There are no ambassadors here." Finster stated. "You must mistaken."
"But, Finster, what about those two Power Rangers that we tried to ki---"
Viceroy Baboo again found himself getting smacked.
"You'd better beware, Viceroy," Queen Acrobatica warned. "The Machine Empire has gone way too far this time."
"My Queen, surely you know we would do nothing without the Senate's aproval," Finster assured her. "You assume too much."
"Yeah," Baboo piped up. "And when you assume, you make an Ass out of U and Me!"
At exactly the same time, Viceroy Finster and Queen Acrobatica exclaimed:
"...the f**k?"
Baboo stared at them, dumbfounded. "...what?"
After a few moments of awkward silence, the Queen broke it with, "Like, you losers are weirding me out. Queen Acrobatica out."
In a wavering effect, the Viewing Globe faded.
For a little while, Finster and Baboo didn't know what to say. So Baboo, in his infinite wisdom, provided the only words he could spout.
"Maybe we can still back out of this?", was his suggestion.
Finster's response was a backhand to one of Baboo's bulbous eye.
Baboo yelped, both from surprise and from the pain. His stubby hands covered over his right eye in a vain attempt to soothe the pain.
"There's only one thing we can do now. Cut off their cable!", Finster commanded.
* * * * *
The Valley Girl Palace overlooked the visually striking city capital city of Angel Grove from atop a hill. Whatever relative tranquility appeared on the outside was vastly contrast from what was taking place inside.
Angel Grove's hierarchy were having holographic meeting with Manager Kaplan-tine, to assess the current situation of the blockade. Queen Acrobatica sat with the rest of her gymnists, girls who all resembled her as they watched Kaplan-tine speak.
"The settlement hasn't been totally forced because the ambadasdors arent there?", Kaplan-tine questioned.
The ruling party shared odd glances before returning to Kaplan-tine's image.
"Sorry. I was out drinking again. But I had assurances from the Supreme Owner that his go-kart arrived earlier..."
Kaplantine's image was replaced with the static one sees when their favorite channel comes in scrambled.
Re: Morph Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Stuff
"Hey!" Queen Acrobatica cried. "Like, who changed the channel?"
"Looked like someone jammed the transmission," said Elgar Bibble, governor of Angel Grove. "Probably nothing to do with being invaded. Nope. Nosirree."
"It so totally better not," the Queen said. "Cause I will not condone a course of action that could, like, lead us to war 'n' stuff."
"Yeah..."
"Nope..."
A few moments of silence passed.
"So..." Elgar began.
"Like, who wants to go to the mall!?" Queen Acrobatica shrieked excitedly. All her handmaidens burst into typical excited valley girl chatter.
* * * * *
And so the invasion of Angel Grove got underway. Dozens of Gear Ships descended onto the planet with the grace of...well, not so much grace really. The Cog pilots hadn't gotten their usual tune-up before taking off, no thanks to Finster's impatience. So basically the Gear Ships dropped out the sky like falling rocks and landed on Angel Grove's densely situated forest with several planet quaking thuds.
If anyone was close enough to hear, they would have heard the curses of two humans who had not appreciated the rather abrupt landing in their flight.
After that little incident, the invasion got back on schedule. The Gear ships opened up and their Cogs, Quadra Fighters, Drill Masters, and other transports came roaring out.
One of the Cog Commanders, overseeing the deployment of its troops, began to receive a holographic signal from the control ship orbiting the planet. Immediately, the image of Viceroy's Finster and Baboo came into sight.
"Commander," Baboo worriedly began, "We've looked high and low and the ship and there's no trace of the Power Rangers! They may have snuck aboard one of your ships!"
The Cog Commander didn't immediately respond, because he was the one who LET Zordon onboard after he forced the human to cough up his Van Halen 3000 concert ticket.
"Well sir, we'll be sure to find them if they're down here. One of our troops was complaining about a human disguise droid malfunctioning earlier," the Cog explained.
"And you didn't report this, why?", Finster asked in a tone that clearly expressed his anger.
The Cog Commander was stuck in a scrap heap and he knew it. "Uhh, does not compute, uhh, breaking up sir!" Very discreetly, the Cog Commander shut off his holographic transmitter and went back to work in deploying his forces. But not before uttering:
"Crap..."
Soon, the Machine Empire forces began to move out. QuadraFighters and other hovercraft began marching through the forests of Angel Grove, toppling over even the mightiest of trees and sending endless animals running away in a panic.
Amongst this crowd of fleeing beasts was Zordon, who had managed to escape the Gear Ship unnoticed. As if trying to avoid the Empire's forces wasn't bad enough, Zordon was also continually dodging the unending stampede of creatures, some of which were big enough to squash the Ranger underfoot.
Looking up ahead, Zordon noticed a humanoid being that quite closely resembled a skeleton. Bizzarely, only half of the creature's body was bone-white. The remaining half was decorated in a strange camoflouge pattern. The being had his back turned to Zordon, and was staring around at the running animals.
Amazingly, the being was completely unaware of the Machine Empire forces heading right for him.
Unfortunately, this skeleton-person was directly in front of Zordon. Normally, the Ranger would simply dodge out of the way when it came time, but the large lizard-like creatures on either side of him prevented him from doing so.
"Out of the way!" Zordon called to the skeleton. The being turned around, oddly slowly, and looked in Zordon's direction. Staring dumbly for a few seconds, the creature pointed at Zordon and called out, in a vaguely Southern accent, "Hey! There're a buncha robot things behind you!"
"Move!" Zordon barked.
"Huh?" came the reply.
"I SAID GET OUT OF THE---"
SMASH.
Zordon came around a few seconds later. By that time, the Machine Empire transports and the wild creatures had all passed by. The same, unfortunately, could not be said for Zordon's new aquaintance. The creature got up to its feet at the same time Zordon did. Zordon, seeing that he had lost the race to beat the Machine Empire to the capital of Angel Grove, figured it would be best to go and find his wayward apprentice. He paid the creature an annoyed glance and went on his way.
The creature immediately followed Zordon.
"Hey wait!", it cried out after him.
"May the Power protect me...," Zordon whispered to himself.
"Oh Ed, I love you! You saved me!", the creature continued.
That made Zordon stop. "Who's Ed?"
The creature pointed a bony finger at Zordon. "You are, Ed!"
Zordon growled under his breath. "My name is not, Ed! And YOU almost got us killed! Are you brainless?!"
The creature was only too happy to nod. "Yep!"
Zordon scoffed and continued on his way. The creature still followed behind him.
"Don't you have some place to be?", Zordon asked, his anger getting the better of him.
"Nope! I'll follow you to the day you die! My name's Rito Rito Revolto! And you're my buddy forever, ED!"
"So, Ed, where are we going?" Rito inquired.
"We?" Zordon muttered to himself. Out loud, he said, "I am on my way to warn the Queen of Angel Grove. The Machine Empire is invading."
"Those big robot things from the Machine Thingamajig?" Rito asked.
"...yes. Those big robot things," Zordon groaned.
"So, we're gonna go warn Queen Watchamajigger that the Machine Thingamajigs are invading Angel Whatsit, and--- wait, I'm confused."
"Listen, Rito," Zordon said, turning to face his follower. "No offense, but this is a..." Zordon paused, thinking of a reason that would make Rito flee in terror. "This is a very dangerous mission. Life and death, and all that. I'll probably be killed. Horribly. Lotsa blood and stuff. You should probably go home where it's safe."
"Uh, I'd love to, Ed, but, uhh..." Rito rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I'm kinda banished from my city. Yeah..."
Can't possibly figure out why, Zordon thought to himself.
The roaring engines of a pair of Quadra Fighters broke Zordon away from his thoughts. He turned his attention to the origin of the fighters and found that Jason was trying to outrun them on his Power Bike. The Quadra Fighters weren't giving up so easily and pursued Jason with a deadly hail of laser fire.
Zordon shoved Rito aside and ignited his Powersaber. Summoning the Power from the Morphing Grid, Zordon made an incredible leap and soon found himself atop one of the Quadra Fighters. With one swipe of his Powersaber he cut the fighter in half and sent its other half hurtling toward the second fighter. In seconds both fighters were destroyed. Zordon made a mighty leap once more and soon found himself by Jason and Rito's side.
Rito wrapped Zordon in another bone crushing hug. "Ed! You saved me again!
Jason pried Rito off of his Master and gave the new creature an annoyed stare.
"Who in the hell is this?", Jason asked.
Zordon shook his head. "You don't want to know. Now let's get out of here before more Cogs show up."
"Oh crap! More?!", Rito cried.
Jason and Zordon had taken off into a run before Rito even begun his sentence. The bony creature quickly caught up with them, not wanting to be unprotected from another Cog assault.
"Wait, guys! Maybe we could go to my city! We'd be safe there!", Rito suggested.
Zordon and Jason didn't even stop running when Zordon asked aloud: "The same city you were banished from?"
"Uh, well, yeah. Admittedly, I'm not real popular there," Rito said. "But hell, I'd rather be with people who hate me than with robots trying to kill me!"
"Master, as much as I hate to admit it," Jason said as they ran. "This bonebrain---"
"The name's Rito Rito Revolto!"
"This bonebrain has a point," Jason said. "We could use some cover for a while."
The trio stopped running.
"It is with much regret that I agree..." Zordon said. He turned to Rito. "Very well, Rito. Can you take us to this city of yours?"
Rito suddenly looked panicky. "Uhh... ya know, now that I've had time to think about it... there is no city! I just thought there was, cause I suffered a blow to the head earlier, when those animals were running around! Yeah, that's the ticket!"
Out of the corner of his mouth, Jason imitated the sound of a QuadraFighter's engine.
With his arms flailing in the air, Rito ran through the forest.
"Nice one, young apprentice," Zordon said.
"I do what I can," Jason smirked before the two of them ran after Rito.
* * * * *
A few minutes later they arrived in a misty swamp that gave way to a giant lake. Jason almost fell over, horrified at the sight of the lake. Mind you, there was nothing wrong with the lake. It looked clean and clear, albeit the air was a tab bit chilly. But Jason suffered from a deeper problem.
"Uh, we're not going under water...are we?", Jason fearfully asked.
"Yep! You and Ed are coming with me to my underwater city!", was Rito's excited reply.
"Oh no...", Jason muttered.
Zordon glared at Jason, and with good reason too. "Apprentice! You mean to tell me that you never took your swimming lessons at the Command Center?!"
Jason shamefully shook his head.
All Zordon could do to calm himself was recite the end of the Power Ranger oath. "May the Power protect us."
Jason sighed. "Nothing good ever happens when you say that, Master."
Rito, not knowing what else to do in this situation, jumped into the lake. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs.
"CANNON BALL!"
SPLASH
Zordon and Jason were drenched from the explosion of water caused by Rito's leap. Zordon reached into his cloak and produced a re-breathing device. He shoved it into Jason's mouth and pulled him along into the lake. Jason tried to mumble an excuse, but Zordon was not having it.
"You had better hold onto me, apprentice, or you're going to have to make yourself at home at the bottom of the lake!", Zordon warned.
Jason quieted down. Zordon inhaled a breath of the Power, filling his lungs with air and energy to allow himself to stay submerged for hours. He and Jason then disappeared beneath the surface of the lake and began to trail Rito to where he was leading them.
It took a minute before Zordon and Jason located Rito, but they soon caught up with the skeleton. They spotted many strange-looking underwater creatures on their way down. Some looked like fish, some like lizards, and some were too bizzare to even try to describe. Amazingly, and thankfully, none of the creatures bothered the trio as they made their way even deeper into the lake.
Jason seemed to be quickly adapting to being underwater, but was growing steadily annoyed with Rito. They had been swimming for what seemed like forever and there was still no sign of his supposed city.
Eventually, though, Rito stopped swimming and pointed at a downwards angle. Glancing at Jason and Zordon, he noticed a confused look on their faces.
Rito turned to look in the direction he was pointing at and realized he had directed them to look at a pair of mating Goo Fishes.
Rito smacked himself in the forehead, then pointed at a different angle. This time he was pointing at a few faint lights in the deep. To Jason and Zordon, they could've been mere glowing fishes, but they swam closer anyway. The closer they got, however, it became apparent that the lights were eminating from a large metropolis of large, sphere-shaped buildings.
What became even more clear as the two Rangers and Rito got closer, was the fact that these sphere shaped structures were supported by large bones. Bones of enormous and small creatures alike, giving the place a strangely gothic atmosphere to it.
Zordon and Jason briefly glanced at one another and then continued on their way. The trio finally made it to one of the entrance bubbles of the city, which was in actuality its energy shielding, and passed through it slowly. For Rito, it was just as if he had moved effortlessly from one place to another. For Zordon and Jason, they got the shock of their life...literally.
But at least they were dry when they had stepped through. But the smoke that rose from their hair and skin certainly didn't help things.
Rito started break dancing, obviously happy that he was back in his natural habitat.
"LADIES, LADIES, LADIES! RITO REVOLTO IS IN THE HEEZOUSE!", Rito proclaimed.
The citizens of this strange environment, creatures who all resembled Rito in some way or another, took one look at Rito...and started pointing and laughing. Zordon and Jason couldn't help but snicker, for they knew that Rito deserved the crowd's disdain. Especially with that entrance.
The commotion caused by the sudden outburst of the crowd attracted the attention of one of the local security guards, Captain Bones. He strode towards the trio on his transport animal, a quadraped skelleton beast of some sort. He pointed his sword directly at Rito.
"Hey you! You're coming with us!", Bones announced.
Rito was spinning on his head when he saw Bones approach. "Hey, Bonsey! Glad to see ya!"
Bones returned Rito's sentiments by kicking him up against a wall. Rito slid to the ground and groaned in pain.
"Gruumm warned ya not to come back here Rito. You're in deep sheeet now!", Bones scornfully said.
"Aww, come on, Bonsey!" Rito whined. "I didn't want to come back, but these guys here needed help! There are a bunch of big robot things on the surface, blowing everything all to hell!"
Captain Bones turned his attention to Zordon and Jason.
"And just who are you?" Bones demanded.
"I am Zor-Don Jinn," Zordon said. "This is my apprentice Jason Lee Kenobi. We are Power Rangers, and we came to warn Queen Acrobatica of an imminent attack. The Machine Empire is invading Angel Grove, and at the moment, we needed shelter from their forces."
"Do they know where you are?" Bones asked.
"No, we were careful not to be followed," Zordon told him.
Bones was silent for a moment before nodding. "You two must go speak with our leader, Emperor Gruumm. He may or may not help you make your way back to the surface to warn the Queen."
"May or may not?" Jason asked.
"Ehh, Emperor Gruumm's a little... moody," Rito explained.
"And YOU," Bones barked, pointing his sword at Rito again. "Are coming with me!"
"Wha??" Rito cried. "What for?!"
"You may have been aiding these Rangers, Rito, but you are still banished!" Bones told him. "And you will be made to pay for your return!"
"Aww, crap," Rito said. "Do I hafta?"
Bones glared at him.
"Fine..." He turned briefly to Zordon and Jason. "It was nice knowin' you guys."
Bones began to escort Rito away before he turned to the Rangers and said, "Skellerina here will take you to Emperor Gruumm." Bones pointed to another of the security guards. This skeleton, despite standing on two feet, was definitely animalistic in nature, its skull resembling that of a hyena.
"And what of Rito?" Zordon asked.
"Don't you worry your bald little head about him," Bones chuckled. He then poked Rito in the butt with his sword, prompting him to march away with Bones watching his every move.
"Bald little..." Zordon gaped. "I'm not bald, my hair's just thinning..."
"Dude, you're freaking bald," Skellerina said as he led them in the direction of Emperor Gruumm's throne room.
* * * * *
Gruumm's throne room wasn't anymore inviting than the rest of this place, which Zordon and Jason learned that it's name was called Otoh Troobia. The throne room was kind of a spooky place illuminated by unseen yellow lights. Gruumm, a moody looking Troobian, sat high up on a throne that looked down on the two rangers. And sitting around him were his troobian advisors, mostly fat looking skelletal thingies.
"Yousa cannot bees here...", Gruumm rumbled.
His advisors stared at him, wondering if their leader was taking any illegal drugs for speaking that way. Gruumm quickly noticed their looks and corrected himself.
"What I meant to say is...GET THE HELL OUT!"
Zordon and Jason shrugged. So much for diplomacy.
"Then speed us on our way," Zordon suggested, with a subtle wave of his hand.
"Uhhh...why did you wave your hand like that?", Gruumm asked.
Zordon slapped the skin of his head, realizing his mistake. Jason snickered behind his back.
"Forgot to use the Power, didn't you Master?"
Zordon balled up his fists. "If I get anymore flak from you, Jason, I'll make sure Trini finds out that you didn't take any swimming lessons!"
Jason went wide eyed. "Eep!"
"Look!", Gruumm's voice roared, "If you promise to take Rito with you, I'll give you our best transport out of here!"
"Deal! Let's go!", Zordon said.
"But, I must warn you," Gruumm began. "The only way to get to Angel Grove from here is to go through...the apple pie!"
Gruumm started to laugh...then he had a seizure...
The two Rangers watched as Gruumm twitched and shook in his throne for a few awkward moments.
"Right... so... we'll just leave, then," Zordon said.
As they left the throne room, Zordon turned to Jason. "I will locate the transport and get it ready. You find Captain Bones and tell him Rito is coming with us."
"Why do we need that worthless creature?" Jason groaned, slumping his shoulders.
"As annoying as he is," Zordon said. "He ignored his banishment to help us find shelter, and thus a transport. He may by irritating, but I will not thank him by letting him rot in a prison cell, or worse. Besides, he knows these parts better than we do."
"Very well," Jason sighed. "I suppose you're right."
"And besides," Zordon grinned. "At least he's not a Gungan."
* * * * *
Less than twenty minutes later, the trio were set in the transport, a vaguely hammerhead-shaped craft with the initials S.S. on the side.
"So, you say we've got to go through some big cave to get close to the capital?" Jason asked.
"Yeah, pretty much. It's, well... it's not a friendly area," Rito shuddered.
"You okay?" Zordon asked.
"Well, uh, y'see," Rito began. "There are a bunch of sea creatures in this route... big creatures... and, well... they make the big robot things seem like teddy banthas."
"Well, no need to worry," Zordon said. "We'll be perfectly safe."
Rito scoffed.
Some time passed as the transport made its way to the cave. They saw many a sea creature on their way, but nothing that would really strike fear into one's heart. The largest creature they saw was only twice the size of a human, and it swam away from the transport's lights.
"Scared of these goldfish, Rito?" Jason snickered.
"Shut up!" the skeleton snapped. "These aren't what I was talking about!"
"Are we almost there or what?" Jason whined. "We've been heading there forever!"
"Be patient, will ya? We're almost there," Rito assured him. "Cry baby."
Zordon thought it best he quickly change the subject. "So, what exactly did you do to deserve being banned, Rito?"
Before Rito could answer, Jason piped up with, "Is that a rhetorical question, Master?"
Zordon gave a light smack to the back of Jason's head.
"Go on, Rito."
"Well, y'see, it's like this," Rito began. "Every five years, Otoh Troobia has this ceremony. It's sort of like a tribute to all the emperors the city's had. A huge marble statue is built in memory of each emperor. As you can imagine, that's already a big deal. But this year was extra special, 'cause it was the first year to include a statue Gruumm."
"Wow, sounds impressive," Zordon said. "But why were you banished?"
"I was one of the people who was supposed to help unveil the statues for the ceremony," Rito explained. "Well, I got near the statues, and, through one way or another, I... well... you ever see a line of dominos?"
"Ouch," Zordon winced.
"Yeah, pretty much." Rito dropped his head.
A moment of silence passed before Jason broke it with, "Uhh... Master?"
"Yes, Jason?"
"...where are all the fish?"
"Huh?"
"Where are the fish?"
The three of them looked out the windows and noticed that all the sealife that had filled area were now absent. From the smallest of fish to the larger lizard-like creatures, everything had left the area.
"That's unusual," Zordon said.
"Oh, carp," Rito muttered.
"Ah, freaking finally," Jason sighed. "The cave's up ahead, Master."
"Ah, it's about time," Zordon said.
Rito looked up ahead to the large, dark spot Jason was referring to. He put his hand above his eyes and squinted.
"Uhh, Jase? I don't think that's the cave..."
"What makes you say that? And don't call me Jase."
"'Cause for one thing, the cave opening is bigger than that."
"Then what is tha----HOLY SHIT."
The "cave" was quickly revealed to be the mouth of a large, tube-like creature making its way towards the transport. It was easily six times the size of the vehicle, which would be nothing more than a bite-sized snack to the beast. Its skin had a bizzare display of color - alternating red and white stripes.
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!" Rito shrieked.
Razor sharp teeth jutted from the tube creature's mouth as it neared the transport. Jason pulled on the controls and the transport "flew" up, barely evading the monster's mouth. The tube creature swam up after the vehicle, roaring out in anger as they dodged it.
For a few minutes, this went on. Again and again the transport would barely make it past the monster's mouth, and again and again the beast would roar in anger and increase its speed.
Suddenly, Jason saw an even larger dark circle ahead of him, one large enough to even dwarf the monstrosity chasing them. "Holy hell!" Jason cried. "What is that?!"
"That's the cave!" Rito shouted. "FLOOR IT!"
Jason pushed the transport's speed to maximum, keeping it a good distance from the beast's gaping maw.
"Almost... there..." Jason said.
Just as the transport entered the cave's opening, an earsplitting roar was heard - but not from the tube monster. Then the tube creature's roar was heard again, but this time it was undeniably a cry of fear. Despite his better judgment, Jason stopped the transport and turned it to see what was going on.
All three of their jaws dropped.
An ungodly massive dragon-like creature had rise from the bed of the lake. It was colored black, green, and gold, and somehow looked vaguely mechanical in nature. A massive silver tail swung behind it. This dragon creature had reached out and grabbed the tube monster. Lifting the struggling creature to its opening mouth, it crushed the red and white tube within its jaws.
"Hmm... where have I seen that before?" Zordon asked as Jason started up the transport again.
Edited by: Darth Yogi aka Count Boobu at: 1/23/06 11:43 pm
Re: Morph Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Stuff
Angel Grove got owned. Plain and simple. Queen Acrobatica's decision to take a trip to the local mall and not warn the citizens of the capital about the impending invasion put everyone at a severe disadvantage when the Cogs came rolling into the city. Just as people were going about their lives, eating pizza, going to the movies, playing baseball games, their fun came to a crashing end when the QuadraFighters came blasting everything to high hell.
The invasion was so swift and thorough, the Cogs even took the time to enjoy the pizza that wasn't their's, watch movies in homes they didn't own, and go out on dates with girls they didn't even know. Though why these women agreed to go out with the Cogs is a mystery best left up for another story to write about, the fact that they were held at gunpoint, or threatened their boyfriends with a serious ass kicking, probably had something to do with it.
Queen Acrobatica, her handmaidens/gymnasts, as well as her security guards were quickly apprehended and brought back to the Palace. At about the same time, Viceroys Finster and Baboo arrived in their personal transport at the entrance of the city. The main Cog Commander, Klank, and his helper, Orbus, awaited Finster and Baboo's arrival.
"Viceroys, we captured the Queen. In fact, we did it a little too easily. You'd think they would have some kind of defense set up. But, eh... it was like we caught them off guard, or something," Klank explained in a thick Scottish accent.
"Off guard? You mean they didn't put up a fight?" Finster asked.
"Well, yer excellency, it's not like Ah'm complaining. But come on! They didn't even try to defend themselves!" Klank complained.
"Who cares! We conquered the planet! Now the pretty dresses are ours!" Baboo announced.
Finster and Klank looked at Baboo... and burst into laughter.
A few moments later, Queen Acrobatica and her handmaidens, as well as the Queen's bodyguard, Captain Damon, were brought before the two Viceroys, escorted by a large group of Cogs. Another group soon delivered Governor Elgar.
"Welcome, your highness," Viceroy Finster sneered. "I am sorry that it has had to come down to this."
"And just how do you plan on explaining this invasion to the Senate?" Elgar demanded.
"Like, Governor," Queen Acrobatica said. "I'm the Queen, I'll be asking the questions." She turned to Finster and then asked, "And, like, just how do you plan on explaining this invasion to the Senate?"
Elgar dropped his head.
"Ve have vays of makink you tock!" Finster said.
"Huh?" Acrobatica, Elgar, and Damon asked all at once.
"I mean, we have ways of making you talk!" Finster said. "And by talk, I mean make you sign the treaty that will legalize our presence here."
"I will so not sign your treaty, Viceroy," Queen Acrobatica stated firmly. "I'm not afraid of you."
"You will be," Finster growled. "You will be."
Klank had gone away for a few moments to take a wiz (a World Importance Zoom) behind a tree. He came back and found the captured Queen and her attendents waiting for him.
"Commander," Finster began, "Process them."
Since he was feeling none too in the mood to do any actual work himself, Klank grabbed the nearest Cog and ordered, "Captain, take them to Clown Camp 4."
"Roger-roger... er, yes, sir!" the Cog answered.
The Queen soon found herself being escorted in the direction of the camp by a group of Cogs. She pouted, and felt like crying since her shopping trip was so totally ruined. Captain Damon was not sympathetic to his Queen's plight. He was suppose to be on patrol duty, looking out for any unusual signs of Machine Empire activity. Instead he got dragged into escorting the Queen while she and her gymnists hit up the local stores for the latest pretty dresses. Dresses that were in short supply, no thanks to the Machine Empire's blockade.
Damon let out a sigh. "I knew I should have become an actor," he mumbled.
"Like, what did you say, Captain?" Queen Acrobatica asked.
He sighed again. "Nothing, your highness." Nothing you'd want to hear, you stupid bimbo.
The group passed through a familar archway in the city. It would lead them to the hover train, and presumably where they'd be transported to the Clown Camp.
* * * * *
Elsewhere in the city, in a nearby canal, the Troobian transport broke the surface of the water. Simultaneously, its three passengers reached out with their arms for a good, long stretch.
"Damn, am I glad to be outta there!" Jason declared.
"Indeed," Zordon said. "Let's hope we never have to go through there again."
"So now what?" Rito asked.
"Now we find Queen Acrobatica," Zordon explained. "I'd imagine she needs a bit more than a warning at this point."
"That's a good guess, Master," Jason said, pointing to the shore. Zordon and Rito looked to see a large platoon of Cogs and Drill Masters lurking about.
"Let's find the Queen," Zordon said.
* * * * *
The trio snuck into Angel Grove's capital as quietly as they could, sneaking onto the rooftops and keeping out of sight.
"There's no one around the Palace," Jason said.
"They must have taken the Queen," Zordon grimaced. "We must find her immediately."
"Maybe she knows where the Queen is!" Rito said, pointing down to a woman being escorted by a large group of Cogs.
"...that is the Queen, you half-wit," Jason said.
"Oh," Rito said simply. "Well, there ya go, then!"
With a hum, Jason activated his Powersaber. "Let's go save the Queen!"
"Calm down, young apprentice," Zordon said, bringing his saber to full power. "We must not lose the element of surprise."
"Yeah, and we don't wanna get our asses kicked, either!" Rito said, holding out his hand. In a brief flash of light, a sword made entirely out of bones appeared in his hands.
"...you fight?" Zordon and Jason asked simultaneously, incredulously.
"Ehh, I get by," Rito shrugged.
"Whatever," Zordon said. "Let's go."
Jason, Zordon, and Rito leapt from their rooftop vantage point. Jason produced his Power Morpher to prepare himself for battle.
"It's Peanut Butter-Jelly Time!" Jason cried out.
Zordon looked at Jason as if he had just lost his mind.
"Sorry Master, but I'm hungry!" was Jason's excuse.
WHAM
And before they knew it, all three combatants hit the ground, hard. Jason's odd catchphrase had thrown their battle routine completely off balance and they had not noticed the fast approaching ground until they hit it full force. Rito burst into a pile of bones, while Jason and Zordon just got hurt really badly from the fall. Their hard landing in front of the Queen and her Cog escort caused the longest awkward silence in the history of the universe.
"Like, that had to hurt!" Acrobatica stated the fairly obvious.
The trio pulled themselves up, and in Rito's case pulled himself together, and bravely stood before the Cogs.
Rito charged into battle before Zordon could say otherwise. Three Cogs met him in the courtyard where they had landed. And surprisingly, the Troobian did well. Though his moves were neither fast, nor graceful, he was able to take out the Cogs relatively efficiently with his sword and basic fighting skills.
Even Jason was mightily impressed. "He's not half-"
And that's when the fourth Cog came in from the side and completely caught Rito off guard. All it took was one good punch, and the foolishly brave Troobian was sent flying into a nearby shopping store. Actually, it would be more accurate to say he was sent through the window of the store, over the checkout register, and into the stand where the candy was kept.
Everyone cringed at the site. And Jason took it upon himself to voice what everyone was thinking.
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn."
A few more moments of silence followed. It was eventually broken by the Cog Captain.
"So..."
"Yeah," Zordon said.
Leaping into battle, Zordon and Jason (who morphed mid-leap) brought their Powersabers forth. The Cogs tried to counter with their javelins, but the weapons were cleanly sliced in two by the Rangers' sabers. Before the Cogs could try a different attack, the two Rangers slashed them into quarter pieces, which then toppled to the ground.
The trio of Cogs bringing up the rear of the Queen's escort turned tail and tried to flee, and the two Rangers used the Power to fling their sabers through the air. The two weapons flew directly through the Cogs, neutralizing them in a shower of sparks.
"Well," the Cog Captain said, looking at the spare parts that were once his former Cogs. "That can't be good."
"Do you wanna...?" Zordon began. "Or should we...?"
"Nah, I'll take care of it," the Cog Captain said. He activated his self destruct system, and fell to pieces.
"Right then," Zordon said. He and Jason deactivated their Powersabers (Jason demorphing in the process), and Rito finally managed to pull his boney ass out of unconsciousness and emerged from the shopping store.
"My Queen," Zordon said as they approached her group. "You are not safe here."
"Like, no shit, Sherlock?" Queen Acrobatica said. She blew a bubble with her gum and popped it.
"Perhaps we should leave the streets?" Captain Damon suggested.
Queen Acrobatica shrugged. "Whatever."
* * * * *
The group soon found themselves conveniently in a nearby hangar where the main transport vessle of the Queen, a ship that looked a lot like a pterodactyl, awaited. Zordon introduced himself.
"We're ambassadors for the Supreme Owner."
"Your negotiations seemed to have failed and look stupid anyway, ambassador," Govenor Elgar said.
Zordon and Jason both contemplated strangling the Govenor, but there were more urgent matters to see to. Like getting the hell off of the planet.
"Look, it's urgent that we make contact with the Mall," Zordon said.
"They cut our cable. We can't contact anyone OR get the Playboy Channel!" Captain Damon said, much to his embarassment.
After a few moments of giving Damon some weird stares, the topic at hand was resumed.
"Well then let's get the hell out of here and back to Eltar!" Jason demanded.
Zordon nodded. He took one look around the entrance to the hangar, and saw a crapload of Cogs waiting by the Queen's transport. He quickly ducked behind the door when he noticed a Cog look in his direction.
"Well, it looks like we've got some more fighting to do first. But it won't be a problem. We are Power Rangers after all," Zordon proudly stated.
"Yeah, you did a great job stopping the Machine Empire from invading. Mission accomplished, Rangers," Elgar threw in.
Zordon had had it. This whole day had been one bad thing piled on top of the next and hearing the Govenor's complaining was the last straw. Just as he moved to impale the Govenor with his Powersaber, Queen Acrobatica intervened.
"So like, are we going to the Mall now?" the ditzy monarch asked.
That got Zordon back in the game. "Ah yes. There's just that little matter of that to deal with."
The group filed into the hangar. As they approached the ramp to doll house ship, the local Cog Commander signaled for the group to halt.
"Look," Jason started, "We can do this the easy way, or the fun way."
The Cogs looked at each other, and proceded to bust out with the ass kickings. Zordon and Jason were more than prepared and were able to handle the Cogs easily enough. Rito, still reeling from his previous encounter with the Cogs, decided to sit this battle out. That didn't stop him from getting bothered about it though.
Queen Acrobatica nudged him in the ribs. "Aren't you, like, gonna help or some junk?"
Rito shook his head. "Nah, it's cool."
A moment of silence passed before Rito blurted out, "So... are you, like, seeing anyone or anything?"
Queen Acrobatica immediately began choking on her gum.
"Whoops," Rito gulped.
"My Queen!" one of the handmaidens cried out. She ran up and gave quickly delivered the heimlich maneuver to the gagging queen, whose eyes were bulging out in panic. A few moments later, and the Queen spat out her gum.
"Thank you, Kimbermé," the Queen said, rubbing her throat. "That was quite effecient."
"Of course, your highness," the handmaiden called Kimbermé said, bowing and backing away to the rest of the handmaidens.
The Queen suddenly turned her attention to Rito, her eyes like daggers.
"Uhh... my bad?" the skeleton tried.
A few seconds later, and Rito was wriggling on the ground in agony, holding his crotch.
The sound of depowering Powersabers was soon heard, and Zordon and Jason regrouped with the others.
"We must hurry," Zordon said. "More Cogs are no doubt on their way."
"Like, let's go then," the Queen said.
"What's your problem?" Jason asked as he passed the fallen Rito.
* * * * *
Moments later, the Queen's pterodactyl-shaped craft blasted into the sky. Within seconds it had passed through the atmosphere and arrived within the blackness of space.
"Now then," Jason said, addressing Rito. "Just find a place to sit down and try not to cause any trouble." He then left to join Zordon and the Queen.
"'Try not to get into trouble,'" Rito mocked. "Look at me! I'm so tough! I'm a Power Ranger! Look at my fancy Powersa---"
And with that, Rito bumped into a group of droids which sitting stationary, recharging. One of the droids, which resembled a blue owl, was knocked over onto its back. All the droids came online, beeping annoyedly at Rito.
"Whoops," Rito said.
On the other side of the ship, things weren't going too well. A series of Gear Ships were in front of the Queen's ship.
"There's the blockade!" cried the ship's captain. Eugene Skullovitch, aka Skull, was a pretty competent pilot. He had seen his fair share of battles and had enough experience to know when he was in for smooth sailing, or if he had flown into a suicide mission. He expressed his nervousness in a fight with a fit of laughter. And if this flight was any indication, Skull was VERY nervous.
The Gear Ships opened fire. The pterodactyl transport vessle shuddered and shook from the onslaught. One blast in particular sent the ship's alarm systems into a tizzy. Skull looked down at his control console and noticed something that made his nervous laughter return in full force.
"Our shield generator's been hit! Ehahahahah!"
The sounding of the alarm sent the droids into action. They quickly moved from their holding stations to the lift elevator that would take them to the damaged area that they needed to fix. One of the owl droids hit Rito in the crotch and that sent him falling to the floor in pain again. Just before he passed out, he caught a quick glimpse of the culprit.
The blue and white owl droid seemed to wink one of its gold and red eyes at Rito before getting onto the lift transport.
"Bastard," Rito grunted, then passed out.
By the time the blue owl droid had reached the area where the shield generator had been damaged, almost all of his fellow droids had been blasted into scrap metal. It made the small droid weary at first to go ahead with his plan to fix the deflector shields, but seeing that the alternative was the ship's total destruction, the little droid didn't have any other choice but to brave the deadly laser fire.
Just as he approached the disaster area, another one of his friends were shot. If the droid could sweat, he probably would have. Instead, he just leaked oil from his bottom extremeties.
Back inside of the ship, the crew was getting a little worried that Zordon's insistance upon leaving Angel Grove would end up being the death of them all.
Jason seemed to be the most disturbed by the situation. He sat in a corner, muttering "I'm never gonna get any from Trini..." over and over again.
Outside, the little droid used a scanner beam to try to locate the problem before he joined his friends in that great big scrap heap in the sky. Finally, he found the problem, and he didn't even need his scanners:
The power cord had come unplugged.
Picking the plug up in his metallic talons, the droid plugged the cord back in, and a mechanical whirring was heard. A blast headed directly for the droid owl's head, but it quickly disipated. He had been protected by the very shield he had just reactivated. The droid let out a little beep of relief, then fluttered his wings and flew back inside.
"Ehahahahaha!" Captain Skull laughed. "The shield's back! And at full power! That little droid did it! Ehahahahaha!"
Now safe from most of the Gear Ships' energy blasts, the pterodactyl ship shot through the blockade and into the depths of space, Angel Grove disappearing quickly behind it.
"Oh butt-huggers," Skull said.
Zordon looked over his shoulder. "What is it?"
Skull looked nervously back at Zordon. "Eheheh, well when we got shot up back there we lost a lot of fuel. There's not enough power to get us to Eltar. Ehehahah."
Zordon wanted to faint. He was that pissed off. "Guess that means we'll have to land another planet, one that's NOT ELTAR, and refuel and repair the ship."
Jason was already hard at work, scouring through nearby star systems on the ship's sensor array, looking for just that planet. "Here, Master. Onyx. It's... well, it sucks. But the Machine Empire has no pressence there," he said.
Captain Damon was not so enthused. "How can you be sure?"
Zordon had gone over to Jason's console to get a better look at Onyx's readout. What he saw confirmed his suspicions.
"It's controlled by the Pigs," Zordon admitted.
That sent Damon through the roof. "You can't take our royal highness there! The Pigs are gangsters! If they discovered her---"
"Look you ignorant black ass," Zordon iritatedly began, "We can either go there quietly and get the parts that we need, or we can get captured by the Machine Empire! What's your choice?"
Damon gulped. He did not want to mess with the Power Ranger Master while he was in this less than cheery mood. So he politely shut the hell up.
* * * * *
Back at the control ship, Viceroys Finster and Baboo were having another friendly chat with their holographic guest, Lord Ooze.
Ooze had been listening intently to their report on the invasion, but they seemed to be dodging one major issue.
"And Queen Acrobatica... has she signed the treaty?"
Finster and Baboo paused. Baboo prayed to whatever spirits he believed in so that he would not have to answer the dreaded lord's pertinant question. Thankfully he was rescued because Finster chose to take some responsibility and fess up.
"She has disappeared, my lord. One Grovian Cruiser got past our blockade," Finster answered.
A thousand different ways for Finster to die flowed through Ooze's mind. But seeing as how he could not actually be there in person to do the deading, the dreaded lord settled for growling in disgust.
"I want that treaty signed!" Ooze growled.
"My lord," Finster started, "Uh, we're sorry?"
Ooze banged his head on the desk he was sitting at. The audio receptors recorded the sound of his head hitting the desk and replayed it for the inept Viceroys in their conference room. It sure succeeded in making the meeting with the dreaded lord seem all the more real.
"Look, my lord," Finster managed to say. "We'd locate them if we could, but we can't... they're out of our range. It's impossible to find them now."
"Not for an Evil Space Alien," Ooze growled.
Suddenly, to the shock of the two Viceroys, a new being stepped up and stood next to Lord Ooze. Unlike Ooze, his identity was not hidden by a hood. His face was revealed, plain as day, for all to see.
"Meet my apprentice," Lord Ooze croaked. "Darth Mesogog."
The being known as Darth Mesogog made the Viceroys quiver with fear. He was without a doubt reptillian, almost dinosauric. Several curved spikes jutted from the back of his head, and his mouth was filled with razor sharp fangs. The Darth slowly crossed his arms, glaring at the two Viceroys.
"He shall find your missing ship," Lord Ooze informed them.
Without another word, the transmission ended, and Lord Ooze and Darth Mesogog faded away.
"This is getting out of hand," Finster said nervously.
Re: Morph Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Stuff
The Pterodactyl soared across the stars, carrying a crew that were only just now getting off a rush of adrenaline from their exploits that took place only minutes before.
In the rear section, where Queen Acrobatica's sparse throne room was situated, a meeting took place between the Grovian monarch, her advisors, and the two Power Rangers. At the moment, Captain Damon related a sugar coated version of the story of how they just narrowly escaped a firey doom until the dimunitive owl shaped droid saved them all.
"An extremely well put together little droid, your highness. Without a shadow of a doubt, it saved the ship as well as our lives," Damon said.
Queen Acrobatica just barely listened as her chief of security droned on and on. Her fixation was centered directly on the droid itself, its cuteness factor reeling her in like a fish.
Her smile spread even wider under her makeup. "Aw, it's like so cute! What's its name?!"
Damon sighed. He picked up the small droid and inspected its Grovian insignia, where its name was displayed. "Circuit."
Faster than a Power Morpher could be activated, Queen Acrobatica dashed from her throne and enveloped the small droid in a metal-crunching embrace. "Like, I totally thank you Circuit!"
More hugs and kisses soon followed. Circuit hooted a reply.
Regaining her composure as the stuck-up queen of the universe, Queen Acrobatica returned to her thrown. "Kimbermé?"
The handmaiden/gymnast Kimbermé heeded her queen's call and stepped out before her.
"Like, clean up this droid and make him totally sparkle!" the Queen commanded.
Kimbermé mumbled a deragatory reply under her breath but then smiled and nodded. Acrobatica then returned her attention to Damon and the Power Rangers.
"So, like, you were saying?"
Zordon stepped up. "With your permission, your Highness, we are heading to a remote planet named Onyx. It's a lowly planet, but it's out of the way, far beyond the reach of the Machine Empire."
"I do not agree with this course of action," Damon said.
Subtly, Zordon waved his hand.
"I'm also a whiney bitcHEY!" Damon cried. "Knock that off!"
"My Queen," Zordon said. "You'll just have to trust my judgment."
"Like, why?" Queen Acrobatica asked. "It's not even like I'm the one who called you here. The Supreme Owner sent you to negotiate with the Machine Empire, and we all know how that went."
Again, Zordon lost his cool.
"I'm a Power Ranger Master, dammit! Just trust my judgment!"
* * * * *
Elsewhere in the ship, Kimbermé had begun cleaning the droid known as Circuit. The little mechanical bird chirped and cooed as she cleaned all the dirt and grime off its hull.
Suddenly, Rito wandered past the room's door, humming what sounded a lot like Duel of the Fates. He walked past the door, then backed up. "Hey there, cutie!" he said to Kimbermé, who glared up at him in shock. "You're the one who saved the Queen from chokin', right?"
"Heh, yeah, that's me," Kimbermé said. "The one that saved the Queen from choking."
He paused for a minute before he said, "So, ehh... what's yer name?"
"I'm Kimbermé," she said. She looked closer at Rito. "You're a Troobian, aren't you?"
Rito nodded in reply.
"How the hell did you get mixed up in this?" the handmaiden asked.
"Well, it's like this," Rito began. "First, this these huge robots were attacking, then this stupid Power Ranger runs into me, then I---well, actually, ya know what? This'd be easier."
Rito reached behind himself, as if getting something from a back pocket. He pulled out a large book of some kind, and handed it to Kimbermé. Her eyes fell upon the title:
MORPH WARS: EPISODE I
THE PHANTOM STUFF
FULL SCREENPLAY
"Yeah, just start on page one," Rito told her.
"Ah, page one... never woulda thought of that," Kimbermé said politely. A long period of silence passed as she read the script.
"'He walked past the door, then backed up. "Hey there, cutie!" he said to Kimber'---oh, I guess that'd be when you walked in," she said.
"Yeah, pretty much," Rito said.
"So..."
"Yeah..."
Suddenly, Circuit let out a long, loud chirp.
"Oh, whoops," Kimbermé said, and finished cleaning the droid.
Seeing as how he had nothing to do, Rito started to walk out of the room and leave Kimbermé to her work. That was when, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed how incredibly shapely she looked in her form fitting gymnast clothing. Rito's sideways glance turned into a full-fledged stare. And before he knew what he was doing, his bony hand reached over and felt the length of Kimbermé's figure.
Kimbermé gasped, and her eyes widened in shock.
* * * * *
Zordon and Jason found Rito sometime later, laying on the floor nearby where Kimbermé had been cleaning Circuit. Rito's agonizing groans and fluttering eyes told the Power Rangers all they needed to know.
Jason could only shake his head sadly at the Troobian. "Poor bastard."
* * * * *
Soaring through the blackness of space, the Pterodactyl neared its destination: Onyx. The planet was a deep shade of red in color, with golden rings surrounding it. The craft began its descent through the atmosphere.
Zordon and Jason entered the cockpit.
"Like, here we are," Captain Skull said. "Onyx. Ehehehe."
"There are settlements here," Jason said, taking note of the sensors.
"Land near the outskirts," Zordon said. "We don't want to attract attention."
In the background, Zordon heard Queen Acrobatica cry, "Like, hey! Nice stereo!"
Suddenly, an obnoxiously perky pop song began blaring throughout the ship, causing the trio to jerk forward in surprise. They eventually recognized it as That's What Girls Do, from that obscure girl band No Selonians. It was obvious by the volume of the song that their arrival would be heard for miles around.
Jason groaned, and Zordon sank his face into his hand.
The Pterodactyl landed soon after.
* * * * *
Having prepared himself to scout the planet, Zordon located Jason, who was fiddling with a big engine-looking thing.
"How is it?" Zordon asked his apprentice.
"Can't say for certain," Jason said. "Not really a mechanic. But, I'm pretty sure that when I do THIS---"
Jason swung his Powersaber upwards, and a chunk of the generator fell off.
"---it's a bad thing."
Zordon almost cried.
"Great," he sighed. "Well, let's go. Be careful, I sense a disturbance in the Morphin Grid."
"Well, like you told me before, Master," Jason started. "We must keep our focus on the miss---"
"No, no. I'm the Master," Zordon said. "When I sense a disturbance in the Morphin Grid, it actually means something."
"...but how do you know I wasn't sensing the same thing earlier?!" Jason cried.
"Because you haven't gotten any from Trini yet."
"Goddammit."
* * * * *
Outside the ship, Zordon, Rito, and the Circuit droid began to make their way to the local settlement, when suddenly Captain Damon and Kimbermé ran up.
"Wait just a moment, Master Zordon!" Damon said. "The Queen commands you to take her handmaiden with you."
"No more commands from her Highness today, Captain," Zordon said sternly.
"The Queen wishes it," the Captain retorted. "She's curious about the planet."
"Oh, the Queen wishes it, does she?" Zordon sneered. "Who does she think she is, royalty?!"
Zordon's head immediately dropped, and he held his hand up to silence anyone from responding to what he had just said. That didn't stop Rito from snickering uncontrollably, though.
"Goddammit, come on," Zordon said, and turned away, stomping off in a huff. Rito, Kimbermé, and Circuit followed as Captain Damon went back to the ship.
* * * * *
The walk into the nearest town, Rock Ridge 3000, seemed longer than it actually was. That was due to the downright unbearable heat which beat down on the four traveling companions. Although Circuit was a machine and could fly, the severe heat more or less caused him considerable iritation due to his systems extensively trying to cool him down. Basically, it sucked to be out in the daylight.
Zordon glanced around at the town as they entered into it. He didn't know why, but familiar tune began to play in the back of his head the moment he realized the town resembled something out of the old west on Eltar.
He rode a blazzing saddles
He wore a shiny star
His job to offer battle
To bad men near and far
He conquered fear and he conquered hate
He turned our night into day
He made his blazzin saddles
A torch to light the way
"What did you say, Ed?"
That brought Zordon back to the present. "I was just noticing the, uh... archetecture! Yeah, that's it!"
Zordon looked away from Rito and hoped that the Troobian was too stupid to notice the Power Ranger's shame.
"Anyways, this town has an old west vibe going with it. Saloons and taverns for the most part," Zordon started, "Some indigenous drunks, and thieves. This place seems to be a haven for those that don't wish to be found."
"Like... Evil Space Aliens!" Kimbermé stated, melodramatically.
Rito was starting to display that trademarked fear of his. The kind that usually got him into sticky situations. "Oh man..."
SPLAT
Rito looked down and saw that he stepped in roadkill. It appeared to be an enormous rat, or what was left of one. And its guts oozed onto his foot.
Rito wanted to scream but he knew that would just make him look like a pansy. And he was not interested in embarassing himself in front of Zordon again. So, while Zordon and Kimbermé's backs were turned, he snatched up an old lady and wiped off the digusting bits on the woman's skirt. The elderly woman was so shocked by the Troobian's actions that she had a heart attack and died.
"Uh, whoops..."
Thankfully for Rito, Onyx was a place were things such as people keeling over was a common place event. So no one even bothered to spare a glance when Rito took off running, away from the new corpse, to catch up with his friends.
The four of them walked into town a little ways before Zordon decided, "Let's try one of the smaller dealers."
"Good idea, Ed," Rito said. "I saw a guy over there that couldn't have been more than two and a half feet."
"No--wh--gu--not that kind of small, bonehead!" Zordon snapped.
"Oh," Rito said, falling back behind the Power Ranger.
They came across a smaller building reading Squatto's Spare Parts outside. The group walked inside. A short, fat, blue-skinned being, wearing what looked like hubcaps on his shoulders and oddly-colored polka dotted pants ran up to them. He muttered something, and below him, words appeared.
"Good day to you. What do you want?"
Everyone glared at the words for a few seconds.
"Darn it, not again," the blue creature sighed. He swatted the words away, sending them flying off to the side. "Hiya," the being said in a squeaky voice. "Welcome to Squatto's. I'm Squatto. What can I do ya for?"
"I need parts for a 5-4-1 MMPR Grovian," Zordon told him.
"Ahh, yes! Grovian!" Squatto cried. "We have lots of that! Quite popular, the Grovian. Never seen anything like that Grovian. Kicking ass in sales, that Grovian."
He paused.
"What's a Grovian?"
Zordon sighed again. "My droid has a readout of what I need."
"Right," Squatto said. "Hey, boy! Get in here!"
A young boy ran into the store from the back exit. The boy was dressed in usual kids attire for the planet, and his dark brown hair was wrapped up in a ponytail.
"What took you so long?" Squatto asked of the boy.
"I was checkin' out all the hot chicks in pink over by the warehou---I mean I was cleaning the Zord engines," the boy answered.
"Watch the store," Squatto told him. "I got some selling to do." Squatto turned to face Zordon. Or rather, thanks to his size, Zordon's gut. "Uhh," Squatto said, craning his fat little neck. "Come on, lemme take you out back. We'll find what you're looking for."
Squatt headed for the back. Zordon and Circuit began to follow him when Zordon noticed Rito fiddling with some spare droid parts.
"Don't touch anything," Zordon warned.
Rito poked Zordon's shoulder and said, "Touch."
SMACK
"Owie," Rito said, holding his hand.
Zordon and Circuit followed Squatto outside.
Rito went back to looking around at the spare parts, making sure not to touch anything. Just as Kimbermé began to do the same, the little boy spoke up.
"Are you an angel?"
Kimbermé stopped in her tracks and looked at the boy, a look of shock and amusement on her face. "What?"
"Are you an angel?" the boy repeated. "I've heard starpilots talking about them. They say they're clad in bright pink robes, and are the most beautiful creatures in the universe. The live on the moons of Liaria, I think."
"Aha!" Kimbermé laughed in spite of herself. "Ahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The handmaiden walked away, laughing hysterically at what the boy had just said. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The little boy pouted.
"Aww, man."
* * * * *
Squatto lead Zordon and Circuit out to the back of the store, where their inventory was kept. Strewn along two paralell lines were parts to just about anything you could find. Motors for refridgerators, control consoles for spaceships... pages of adult magazines...
"A 5-4-1 MMPR generator?" Squatto asked, "You're in luck! Yes, sir! I'm the only one around here who has one. Made sure of that!"
Zordon stopped and looked down at Squatto with squinched eyes. "Made sure?"
"Uhh..." Squatto nervously droned, "So how do you plan to pay for all of this?
Zordon's expression didn't change. "I have 20,000 Mall tokens."
Squatto's expression did change, however, to one of disappointment. "Mall tokens?! Mall tokens are no good around here! I need something more real!"
Zordon considered using the Power Mind Trick on the store owner, but thought better of it. "Mind tricks won't work on you, will they?"
Squatto shrugged. "They would if I didn't know they would be used."
Zordon slapped the skin of his head for umpteenth time. His luck only seemed to get worse and worse as this adventure progressed. No doubt he'd end up dead by the time this was all over.
"Fine," Zordon said, "Will you take a Troobian?"
"Is that like an exotic animal?" Squatto asked excitedly.
Zordon let his head drop. He had lost this day. "No, nevermind. I'll be going now."
* * * * *
Kimbermé stared at the boy with a smirk. He blushed, not knowing what to make of this all. He was about to ask a question, when Kimbermé answered it for him.
"So why are you dressed in THAT? Are you a slave or something?"
The boy's eyes went wide. He didn't know how anyone could be so cruel. And then he thought about how Squatto would bitchslap him, which brought him to the realization that he did know how people could be so cruel. But angels?
Kimbermé noticed that she had hit a nerve and moved in closer to the boy.
"What? You are a slave?" she asked.
The boy nodded his head. "And my name is Tommykan!"
Tommykan ran out of the store in tears. Kimbermé thought that maybe she had acted out of line... and then she remembered the outfit that Tommykan was wearing. It made her giggle and laugh some more.
Zordon returned to the store's main hub. He heard the commotion and came back just in time to see Tommykan's form run out of the store. He then looked at Kimbermé, who just shrugged back at him. And then he saw Rito doing... something that cannot be transcribed in this story.
Zordon sighed. "Let's get the hell out of here."
"Glad to have met you, Tommykan," Kimbermé said on their way out.
The boy smiled. "I was gla---"
"The next time I need a laugh, I'll give you a call!" she cackled.
Tommykan's shoulders slumped.
A moment after they left, Squatto walked in.
"Peh, outlanders," he grumped. "They think we know nothing."
"They're mean bitches, too," Tommykan agreed.
"Go clean the racks," Squatt said. "Then you're done for the day."
"YIPEE!" Tommykan cried, and ran off.
"And I mean the shelves!" Squatto called after him.
"Aww, man."
* * * * *
Back at the Pterodactyl, Jason was speaking with Zordon via their communicators.
"No," Jason said. "A few containers of supplies, the Queen's wardrobe... but nothing really worth bargaining with. Not in the ammounts you're talking about, Master." Jason grinned. "Unless maybe you wanted to give him one of the Queen's handmai---"
"That's quite enough, apprentice," Zordon said, turning off his communicator
* * * * *
Once again, Zordon and his group were walking through the town.
"Jeebus, I'm hungry," Rito complained.
"Rito, you don't even have a stomach," Kimbermé pointed out.
"So?" the Troobian said defensively. "Stomachless creatures gotta eat, too, y'know!"
A few moments later, they passed a fruit vendor, selling something that resembled apples.
"Ooo," Rito cooed. "Looks yummy."
Without even thinking about it (as per usual), Rito reached over and took one of the apples. Just after taking the first bite, the vendor appeared and shouted, "Hey! You!"
Rito froze. "Err, yeah?"
"You gonna pay for that?" the vendor demanded. "It costs seventy five slotskys!"
"Seventy fi---" Rito panicked. Suddenly, he pointed and shouted, "Hey, look, over there! That out-of-control Zord just crashed into that crowd of baby orphan Tengas!"
As the vendor turned around, Rito got rid of the evidence, tossing the apple away. Unfortunately, seconds later it was followed by a loud "OW!"
"Crap," Rito said. He began whistling and tried to catch up with Zordon and the others. However, he was quickly tackled by a large reptillian creature that resembled an overgrown iguana. He held the apple up in his hand.
"Is this YOURS?" the iguana growled, grabbing Rito by his neck.
Re: Morph Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Stuff
Rito tried to put on the most innocent expression he could muster. But since he had no lips, or skin for that matter, that could frame such an expression, the best he could do was give the giant iguana a blank stare.
"Who, mesa?!" Rito asked nervously.
The iguana grabbed Rito's neck, silencing any other pointless words the Troobian could possibly utter. Suddenly, light began to shine from the iguana's mouth. He opened his maw, revealing flames building up withiun. Rito realized his face was about to be incinerated.
Zordon, Circuit, and Kimbermé soon noticed that Rito was not walking with them. They began to hear a commotion taking place right behind them and soon caught sight of Rito about to have his ass handed to him for umpteenth time.
"Goddamn it, not again!" Zordon roared.
The Power Ranger Master started to reach for his Powersaber. But like a well-timed cue that one would typically find in a theatrical movie, help arrived on the scene in the form of a young boy. One who caught the ire of a certain handmaiden just a few minutes before.
"Careful, Salaguana," Tommykan warned. A wry smirk formed on his face as he continued, "He's a big time outlander. I'd hate to see you get diced before we race again."
Salaguana stood up and over Rito's cowering form. His glare was as hot as the suns that kept Onyx a burning sand pit.
"The next time we race boy, you won't be so lucky. If you weren't slave scum, I'd crush you right now!"
Tommykan raised both of his middle fingers to Salaguana. "Yeah, it'd be a real shame if you had to pay for me, beyotch!"
Salaguana took one last look at Rito and kicked him in the ribs before moving on. He kept the apple with him that smacked him in the eye. Just as soon as he left, Zordon, Circuit, and Kimbermé arrived on the scene. Tommykan smiled at Kimbermé, who scoffed and rolled her eyes at him in return. Tommykan was determined as a Zord emerging from its hiding place though, and turned his attention to Zordon.
"Hey man," Tommykan greeted.
"Oh, uh, hello..." Zordon replied.
"Your friend here was about to be charbroiled," Tommykan said. "He was messing with a mythical salamander. A really nasty one called Salaguana."
"Woah, me? Start a fight intentionally?" Rito said, shaking his head. "Hell no, that's the last thing I want!"
"Nevertheless," Zordon said. "The boy is right. Stop being a dumbass."
"Bu--wha--hu---" Rito began, flabbergasted. "I wasn't doin' anything!"
The group, with Tommykan in tow, began to walk away. A few feet away, Salaguana took a bite out of the apple. Then he tossed it away.
"OW!" Rito cried.
* * * * *
Out in the desert, at the location of the Pterodactyl, a sandstorm was brewing.
Jason and Captain Damon stood guard outside.
"This storm will slow them down," Jason noted.
"I agree," Damon said. "They will most likely get caught in the storm, be bloodied by the buffeting winds and sand, and die a horrible, agonizing death."
"Dude," Jason gasped, shocked. "What the fu---"
Suddenly, Damon's communicator beeped.
"Damon," he answered.
"We're receiving a message from home," came the reply.
"We'll be right there," the Captain replied before he and Jason headed inside.
* * * * *
"Here," Tommykan said, handing Zordon some rations. "You'll like these randumfudes."
"...thanks," Zordon said, trying his best to be polite. He took them and quickly shoved them in his pocket. As he did so, he pushed his robe to the side, exposing his saber to Tommykan, and... his Power Ranger weapon, you pervs!
"You better get home quick, Tommykan," an old woman called Mama D said. "Storm's comin'!"
"Who are you?" Tommykan asked.
"No idea," Mama D replied.
A moment of awkward silence passed before the group left.
"Do you have shelter?" Tommykan asked.
"We have a ship waiting for us on the outskirts," Zordon said.
"You'll never make it to the outskirts in time!" Tommykan said. "The sandstorms here are very, very dangerous. I'll take you to my place."
Turning to face Kimbermé, he added with a smirk, "And as for you, well, I'll just take ya."
*SMACK*
Circuit let out a laughing chirp as Tommykan held his face.
* * * * *
A short time later, and Tommykan had led his newfound friends to his home. The door slid open, and the group entered, finally leaving the sandstorm outside.
"Mooom!" Tommykan called out. "Mom, I'm home!"
Suddenly, an ear-splitting voice, sounding like nails on a chalkboard, cried out in response.
"HEY! Don't shout so loud, you're giving me a headache!!"
From another room entered a middle aged woman wearing brown robes with some type of golden patterns on them. But easily the most recognizable feature of the woman was her hairstyle... or was it a hat? Nobody could really tell. But it looked like two icecream cones were jutting out of her head.
"It's about time you got back!" the woman shrieked. "I was getting worried!"
Zordon and the others seemed taken aback by the mother's tone of voice, as if she was yelling at her son. But the look on Tommykan's face made them realize that that was just how she sounded.
"These are my friends, mom," Tommykan said, introducing them.
The woman looked them up and down for a second. "A bald guy, a Troobian, and a gymnast hooker? Tommy, I thought I told you to stop hanging around the bad crowds!"
"Hey!" Zordon, Rito, and Kimbermé cried out.
"Aww, man, mom," Tommykan whined.
An awkward silence followed. Zordon cleared his throat, seeking to liven up the conversation.
"I'm Zor-Don Jinn. This is Kimbermé, Rito Rito Revolto, and our droid, Circuit. Your son was kind enough to offer us shelter from the sand storm."
The woman shrieked a laugh that would blow out the eardrums of a normal person. "He did, did he? Well, welcome to our humble home! We're slaves, but we can't complain about the accomadations! I'm Rita, by the way!"
Rita batted her eyelashes at Zordon. Zordon sensed the thoughts Rita was practically broadcasting and then felt his stomach churn in disgust.
Tommykan, not wanting to watch his mother try yet again to snag a man for herself, turned his attention back on Kimbermé.
"I built a new droid, do you wanna see?", He asked.
Kimbermé shrugged. "Like, whatever."
Tommykan grinned and gleefully grabbed hold of Kimbermé's hand. "C'mon, I'll show you Alpha 5!"
Soon they were out of the living room and into Tommykan's bedroom. Circuit quickly followed suit, which left both Rito and Zordon alone with Rita. Unconsciously, Zordon had backed up behind Rito as Rita approached them both.
"So Zordon, you come here to free slaves?" Rita asked in a seductive voice.
Sweat drops poured down Zordon's dome like a torrent of rain. He had to figure out a way to deflect Rita's attention elsewhere.
"Er, no, not at all!" Zordon replied. "In fact, I'm a SLAVER. See this poor Troobian here? I enslaved him on the last planet that I visited!"
Rito shot Zordon a cross look. "No you didn't, Ed! You saved my life! I pledged my undying servitude to ya!"
"Oooooh," Rita purred, "I think I could use a bit of rescuing myself."
Zordon wanted to break down and weep bitterly.
* * * * *
Meanwhile, in a room with a slightly less perverted tick to it, Tommykan, Kimbermé, and Circuit stood at the foot of Tommykan's workbench where a robotic form was drapped over with a long dark sheet. Tommykan removed the sheet, revealing the robotic skelleton of an Alpha-class droid.
"Isn't he wonderful, cutie? He's not finished yet," Tommykan stated.
"Wow, he's amazing," Kimbermé said. "You built him all by yourself?"
"Yep," Tommykan said, beaming. "He's a protocol droid. Y'know, to help mom."
Tommykan reached over to the Alpha's chest and flicked a switch. The droid immediately sprang to life, and began moving its skinny arms about. Suddenly, it jerked its head around wildly. In a voice resembling that of a child, it cried out:
"Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi! Where is everyone?! I can't see!!"
"Whoops!" Tommykan said. He reached over and grabbed a long, red visor. He snapped it into place on the droid's saucer-shaped head, providing the only color on the platingless droid.
"There ya go," Tommykan said.
"Oh, hi there," the droid said, looking down at his creator. "I am Alpha 5, Command Center prototype."
Kimbermé's face twisted with confusion. "Command Cent---"
"Just some random crap I programmed him to say to sound important," Tommykan whispered.
Alpha got up shakily on his new legs. "Aye-yi-yi, I'm not sure this ground is entirely stable..."
He managed to walk across Tommykan's room, to where Circuit was resting.
"Hello there," Alpha said cheerfully. "I don't think we've been properly introduced!"
Circuit chirped.
"Circuit, eh? Well, hello, Circuit. I am Alpha 5, Command Center prototype."
Circuit chirped again.
"Wha? What do you mean, 'naked?'"
Circuit hooted.
"My nuts and bolts are showing? Oh, aye-yi-yi-yi-yi!"
* * * * *
Back at the Pteradactyl, Jason, Damon, and some of the other Grovian officers were forced to watch a holo vid of a soap opera... one of Queen Acrobatica's favorites. It was titled "All My Aquitians," and in this particular episode... well, it was a daytime soap opera so you can pretty much guess what the plot is.
Needless to say, Jason and Damon, and the other male officers, were bored to the point of insanity. Queen Acrobatica and her handmaidens on the otherhand, were completely caught up in the storyarc of the show. Tears freely flowed from their eyes and sniffles abounded every second as the plot unfolded.
When the holo transmission of Governor Elgar from Angel Grove came in, Jason had to stop himself from leaping for joy and praising the Power for delivering him from the torture that the queen was putting the guys through.
"Crap man, the death toll is catestrophic! We must bow to their wishes! You must contact me!" Elgar screamed.
Jason got up and began to head for the communication's terminal on the ship. He quickly turned around and flashed the Queen a glare, mostly from being forced to watch the soap opera.
"It's a trick! Send no reply! Send no transmissions of any kind!" he warned.
"So, like... can we watch the holo show then?" Queen Acrobatica asked.
Jason moved to say something, then he saw the pleading looks on his fellow men's faces.
"Uh, no, it's probably too dangerous! The Machine Empire could be scanning for your outgoing signal!" Jason replied.
The Queen and her handmaidens gasped. Captain Damon and the officers silently cheered. Damon himself gave Jason a thumbs up sign. Jason nodded and went on with his task. He had to report to Zordon.
* * * * *
"Master, are you... all right?" Jason's voiced asked over the communicator.
Zordon stood out of earshot of Rita and Rito, who were washing dishes in preparation of the afternoon meal. As soon as he was able to get away from Rita, Zordon wept bitterly, stopping short of wailing.
"Oh, it's nothing, apprentice," Zordon squeeked. "I just ate something really spicey!"
"...right," Jason said indignantly. "That's the first time I've ever heard someone say boo-hoo-hoo, after they ate something spicey."
"Well anyways," Zordon continued. "It sounds like that message could be bait to establish a connection trace."
"But what if it is true? And all the hot girls on Angel Grove are dying?!" Jason asked.
"Well, then that'll be a waste of some fine pieces of ass. But either way we're running out of time," Zordon admitted.
With nothing more to report, Zordon switched off his communicator. And, after allowing himself a moment to cry again, Zordon put on his bravest face and marched back into the hell hole...aka Rita's kitchen.
* * * * *
Lightyears away, a meeting was taking place on the planet of Eltar. A meeting with an insidious purpose. A meeting about mauling those on Onyx.
On a thin, sparce balcony, Lord Ooze and Darth Mesogog spoke to one another.
"Onyxxx isss sssparcccely populated," Darth Mesogog hissed. "If the traccce wasss correct, it will be no trouble finding them, Massster."
"Finish off the Power Rangers first," Lord Ooze commanded. "Then nothing will stand in your way from taking the Queen back to Angel Grove to sign the treaty."
The two stopped walking and faced each other.
"At lasst, we will reveal ourssselvesss to thossse Morphin Misssfitsss," Darth Mesogog said. "At lassst, we will have revenge."
"You have been trained well, my young apprentice," Ooze complimented. "They will be no match for you."
"...what wasss that?"
"What?"
"Did you jussst sssnicker?"
"What? No!"
"You did! You sssnickered when you sssaid they'd be no match for me!"
, a guy that I've known for far longer than any of you guys 
. So anyways we decided to get together and write this thing because we both love PR and SW. So here is the end result. I guess we're going to spoof the entire saga, so keep your eyes peeled here for future updates. 
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