Laa...
((Hmm. Maybe this is the next day. Or the same day. Just...um...at night. When it's dark...um...yesh. We'll put it there.))
*In darkness, Lyddie whistled to no one in particular, not even herself, a mindless tune that meant nothing at all to her, her hands out in front of her slightly, brushing over the leaves of the plants that reached out over the path in her way, seeming to grab at her locks of hair and twist themselves into the fabrics of her clothes. It wasn't entirely dark outside, though it was getting late and the sun was beginning to sink down behind the mountain peaks. Still, the path up to the cliff was dense with plants and undergrowth, and young willow trees whose wipsy branches grew wild, too short to hang down and too long and stand entirely straight. The thin earth clouded up beneath her steps, clinging to her black boots and the hems of her pants like dust. But she finally came to the end of the winding little road, her eyes meeting up with the view that would never be nothing less than spectacular.*
*Bad things had happened up her, many she could note on a whim...but a few good things too, conversations with close friends that she still liked to think about sometimes. Those good things were flooding her mind right now; everything that was good in her life had suddenly bubbled over inside her head, soaking up all the depression and fear as a sponge to water. A "natural high" one might call it perhaps, something Lyddie knew she badly needed...she came down on her knees, because she wanted to, and sat for a moment before crawling forward, sticking her head right over the edge of the cliff and staring down thousands of feet into the thicket below. Picking up a rock beside her, she let it drop, watching it bang periodically against the cliff walls the entire way down until there was no more sound and it was out of sight. And then, after a moment of silence, Lyddie found herself snickering to herself. She sat back up again and moved away from the cliff, brushing the dust off her navy hoodie and playing with the strings with her fingers, twisting them together and occasionally blowing strands of hair out of her violet eyes that were suddenly alive with a sheer lust for life, a will to do anything her heart desired...climbing up into a tree and seating herself quite pleasantly in the branches, her fingers wrapped around her crucifix, its chain repaired and hanging around her neck. It was the only thing left, so it seemed...it still hung in the 'proper' fashion, right-side-up, but she was having thoughts...Peregrin had been right.*
((Laa....yesh.))
((Edit: Dear God, I did it again....This should be at Stiles Road, not the Village *smacks herself several times over* Sorry....))
Edited by: LyddieHtarlaw at: 2/14/03 5:57:12 am
This was one of the last places left to look, Victor though to himself. He had searched all over the school, and still had yet been unable to find her. Thats why it was dark now when he finally found himself traveling to Stiles Road. Victor had been traveling in energy form now, and happened to catch a glimpse of her in a tree.
He shot towards the ground, and landed there, a sudden flash on the ground, and then a figure replacing it. Victor looked up at Lyddie, a hand absentmindedly running through his hair. It was too long to spike up now, so he let it hang down like it wanted to. ((*coughs* eehhhh had to get my pic to match somehow ))
He stared at the figure in the tree, unsure of what to say, and at the same time, knowing exactly what he must say.
He opened his mouth, but all that came out was.. "Hi...."
"There are all kinds of courage. It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." - Albus Dumbledore
Re: Laa..."Hi..." *The corner's of Lyddie's mouth pulled her lips into a somewhat stupid grin at the sound of an easily recognizable voice. She had heard, or rather, seen him approach; when the air had lit up briefly but brightly with the flash, she knew that it was Victor, for no other person who might be interested in her would make such an entrance. And she didn't turn her eyes in his direction, keeping them locked out on the view, her arms folding over her chest, chilly hands seeking the warmth of her underarms. But she was happy to see him, so very happy, the pleasure shining in her eyes and reassured by her smile, the seemingly idiotic expression on her face suggesting that the butterflies she always got whenever her was around had already begun to flutter around inside her chest.*
"Long time no see," *Lyddie said, trying her best to conceal the giddyness that seemed to have no meaning and yet every meaning in the world for her. She looked down at him and touched his cheek tenderly, the smile broadening.*
Killing the Fire :: You Kill My Desire I Don't Need You Anymore
Re: Laa...
All of Victor's fears had come true. As he approached, she was happy to see him, the smile in her face, her eyes brightened.
"Yea" he answered as she brushed his cheek. Her skin felt good against his. He paused, wondering if what he was doing was the right thing. Yet still, something inside him told him that he needed to be fair to her. And that he needed to be fair to himself.
"I haven't been fair to you Lyddie. I haven't been honest.You have to have noticed the way I've acted, the space that I've given you....well everyone." Victor looked up at her, finally being able to get out what he needed, and knew that if he paused now, he wouldn't be able to continue. "This year has changed me Lyddie.And I would like to say it's changed me for the better....but it hasn't. I've discovered things about myself that I don't like, found myself doing things that I never thought I would do, and I'm ashamed of it."
Victor grabbed her hand at thing point, and squeezed it. "I love you Lyddie, I truely do. The problem is, I....I have nothing to offer you right now. I can't promise you anything, because I don't know who I am anymore."
Victor stopped again, looking into the sky now, his eyes focused on the stars. "It took me 13 years to discover who I actually was, and in the process of a year, I lost it all again. I can't just pretend that it didn't happen."
"Lyddie, this are different between us.And I think...I think...." Victor found it hard to get the words out now, "I think that it'd be better if we both just went our own ways."
"There are all kinds of courage. It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." - Albus Dumbledore
Re: Laa...
" 'Something wrong...?" *Lyddie said quietly, the words eaten up by silence as Victor began to speak. Her grin faded and her eyes faltered, climbing gingerly out of her perch but not taking her gaze off of him, biting the inside of her lip in nothing less than shock. Inside and out, she felt herself beginning to tremble, her face growing hot and though it couldn't be seen in the dark, underneath the freckles that forever dotted her face a red blush began to grow, one of unmistakable sadness and disbelief. Lyddie knew what Victor was saying, but she couldn't bring herself to fully understand it...why? Why now, why not then? Why break it off, if he loved her as much as he could say? She almost pulled her hand away when he took it, squeezed it, almost slapped him hard across the face. But she didn't...it wouldn't prove anything, to him or to her.*
"I love you Lyddie, I truly do. The problem is, I...I have nothing to offer you right now. I can't promise you anything, because I don't know who I am anymore." *A tear rolled down her face, twinkling in the moon's pale light. Sentences strung themselves together and broke apart just as quickly, her tongue trying to form something logical to say and failing as he finished, only a small sound from the back of her throat that strained out shortly.*
"What do you mean...?" *she finally choked out, her other hand wrapping around the one that held her's.* "Are you...are you leaving, or...Victor, why now?" *The last word broke into a small sob, and more tears came, her head hanging down and staring at her feet, so ready to kick up the dust and stones and her hands wanting suddenly now to scratch those beautiful blue eyes that she thought she would be able to stare into forever right out of their sockets, to tear that tongue out and erase those words...but pain could not erase pain. Lyddie looked up again, not pushing away the hair that had fallen into her eyes, whose color was beginning to rise.*
"We can fight this together...Carm's back...Carm's back, and,and..." What are you saying... *She thought bitterly.* Deep down, you knew this was going to happen, you knew it. You knew it when you began to avoid each other, when you stopped running to the safety of each other's arms when things got too hard. You knew this moment was coming long before it ever crossed your mind. Deal. *Lyddie didn't want to have to deal with it, though, that was her problem. Things were supposed to be better now, weren't they? All this anxiety, this tension, it was supposed to dissolve when Carmilla came back...but ah, hadn't she even told herself otherwise when she had seen the Headmistress in the Great Hall? Carmilla wasn't immortal, she couldn't heal every little problem in life...Lyddie knew that, she knew it so well she sometimes forgot it. Like now...Carmilla couldn't fix this. In truth, she was the same as Victor confessed he was...for so long she had searched for herself, and now this. Now she was forever marked as evil's cannon fodder, now she had to find her own person again, a journey only one person at a time could take. She took her hands from his, and wrapped her arms around him tenderly, pecking him on the cheek.*
"I'm sorry..." *Lyddie said meekly.* "I...I know how it is. It's hard, after all this...I shouldn't try and keep you from something that you have to do on your own. We all have our own battles to fight with ourselves, we all have demons inside us waiting for war. I can't keep you from that."
Killing the Fire :: You Kill My Desire I Don't Need You Anymore
Re: Laa...
Victor clenched his teeth as he finished, all of this was so hard. He stood there, looking up at her, the sadness in his eyes evident, the pain in his heart not. He wanted nothing more than to just say everything would be all right and continue on as they had. But he couldn't do that, he couldn't pretend any longer.
He bit his lip as she started sobbing, and the pain in his heart intensified.He didn't want to do this to her, he still loved her. He just stood there silently as she stammered out a few sentances, longing to just open his mouth and agree, just to part his lips and tell her they could try, but silence was his only response.
As Lyddie wrapped her arms around him, Victor wrapped his arms around her as well. It felt so good, to hold her again. They hadn't really been around each other that much recently, and just the feeling of holding her alone was making Victor regret the words he had already said.But Lyddie may have sensed that, as she almost seemed to agree that they needed a change.
I shouldn't try and keep you from something that you have to do on your own. We all have our own battles to fight with ourselves, we all have demons inside us waiting for war. I can't keep you from that she had said. Victor knew it was true. Now, defeated and hurting, he simply lowered his head and said, "I'm sorry Lyddie. I'm sorry for everything I've done."
"There are all kinds of courage. It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." - Albus Dumbledore
Re: Laa...
"Victor...you haven't done anything," *Lyddie crooned softly in his ear, kissing him again on the cheek and resting her head on his shoulder.* "What we did that night...what we did to those people, to those walls, that was not us tearing apart our home and massacreing our family. It was jealousy and the hatred of Aseri for Carmilla Crowe and Tomal Saichairi, hatred that became ours against our will. Hate makes people angry, and when people are angry because they hate, they become stupid. They do stupid things. And they pay the consequences. You and I died...we did something that none of the others did, we died for a cause that was not our own...they cannot know the pain from that.
"But you must not blame yourself for this, my love," *she continued, feeling slightly as though she were rambling but lifting her head and holding Victor's face tenderly in her hands, her finger stroking the hair from his eyes whose pools she stared into, filled with sorrow at the sight of the sadness they carried just by looking at her.* "Life hurts. Life is the most painful thing of all that we must suffer through. But still, there are still reasons to keep on living, to put the past behind you. And that takes a lot, to leave all of that behind...And I love you so much. If you need this time for youself, I will give it to you. I can see it in you. But however lost you find yourself to be, always remember...I will be here." *Lyddie let the corners of her mouth pull back just barely into a sad but relieving smile, nodding her head bleakly, closing her eyes and placing a gentle kiss on his lips, still holding his head in her hands.*
Killing the Fire :: You Kill My Desire I Don't Need You Anymore
Re: Laa...
Victor stared into her eyes, the pain welling up inside of him. As she stared into his eyes, he could control it no more. The sorrow and pain he felt overtook him. She was consoling him, Lyddie, who he had just hurt, whether it was what he wanted or not. She was telling him it was alright, and he didn't know why.
Tears formed in his eyes, and slowly started to drip down his face, but they weren't real tears, only sparks, an eternal reminder of the power he possessed, the power he must come to terms with, the power that was him, no matter how much he denied it. He hated that power now. It had caused him so much pain. First the murder, then his own death, and now, it took what was most dear to him, Lyddie. He had to take control of his life again, to grasp his reality and bend it to his will, like he did before. He knew all of this, but it was all pushed in the back of his mind right now. Right now all that mattered was her.
She placed a gentle kiss on his lips, and as she pulled back a bit, Victor wrapped his arms around her. He held her tightly, never wanting to let go, his heart breaking as he slowly pulled back.
"You will always have my heart Lyddie. There's noone else that could take it." he said wiping the tears away from his face. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the cheek, then turned to leave. He didn't do it the fast way this time, he walked. Something in him made him want to make this trip last. Besides he need the time to think, and maybe he might find himself lost in the process. Maybe it'd be a nice change.
((yea, so thats that I guess, just leavin myself some room to go somewhere else should I decide to))
"There are all kinds of courage. It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." - Albus Dumbledore
Re: Laa...
"And you will have mine..." *Lyddie murmured softly as Victor pulled back from her, finally letting go of his face, her arms sliding to her sides as she stood rooted to the spot, watching blankly as he walked away, her eyes beginning to bleed tears down her cheeks in heavy contrails, her vision misting over until the figure looming away from her was little more than a blur. She crossed her arms over her chest, tucking her cold hands away, occasionally letting one free to wipe at her eyes until she was sure he was gone. After blinking several times, Lyddie walked back over to the edge of the cliff, staring down in a more timid fashion than she had before.*
"A long way down..." *she said softly, lifting one foot and putting it out over the edge. But she did not fall forward; she squeezed the crucifix around her neck tightly, and pulled back, kicking another rock over the edge.*
"Not today," *Lyddie whispered, and backed away from the cliff, removing the chain around her neck and dangling the crucifix in front of her eyes. Pinching the tip of the bottom, she held it upside-down with the other hand, staring at it, Peregrin's words still burning brightly in her mind. Still, she couldn't bring herself to do it, not yet, she couldn't wear it like that no matter how much she might desire it. Perhaps it was the fact that is had been given to her by her mother, whose first reaction would be anger, disappointment; she would think that Lyddie was choosing the side of her father, after such a long battle with him. But Paul...he would laugh cruelly, like he always did whenever she took any sort of actions upon herself...but she still stared, wishing to wear it just the way she could see it so badly.*
"Put it on upside down, make your choice to either give others the ammunition to attack you and hurt you, or wear it as a pride filled badge, a declaration of who and what you are." *She repeated Peregrin's words, softly, to no one in particular, sliding the crucifix into her pocket, staring up at the sky for a minute, folding her arms over her chest.*
"I wish it were that simple, brother..." *Lyddie murmured, and she turned on her heel, heading down the path away from the cliffs, never minding the white that had finally begun to fade out, her eyes that were returning to their human gray, ready to return to the castle for another restless night of tossing and turning, anxious to be away from just about everything this school had thrown at her in the past term. This year was over...finally.*
Killing the Fire :: You Kill My Desire I Don't Need You Anymore
))
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