Traveller in the arts
Posts: 10
(5/1/02 5:10 pm) Reply
Haiku with Picture
PW Earsman Traveller in the arts
Posts: 29
(5/1/02 7:25 pm) Reply
Re: Haiku with Picture
Hello Robert,
You're probably not going to be very pleased with my crit, but I must say what I feel.
One of the basic tenets of haiku is subtlety. Another related feature is (its) ability or even its requirement to paint a picture in the mind of the reader.
You have (IMHO) denied the reader both these things by illustrating it.
And one of the basic tenets of the haiku is that the writer, as an entity, should not intrude.
What you have achieved is not inconsiderable inasmuch as it is pretty and it is pleasant. But haiku? Sorry, but no.
Are we still friends?
Peter E
alithena Traveller in the arts
Posts: 21
(5/1/02 7:57 pm) Reply
Re: Haiku with Picture
Hi Robert - well what I know about haiku is pretty much zip. I've written one or two really short poems that I would never dare call haiku and then had a published haiku poet call them haiku, so I find the whole thing pretty confusing.
So to your work - two things. Firstly I'd actually feel like making the second line shorter - like changing it to "dream of sweetness within" or "sweetness found within"
Then I got a bit confused about you talking about "a dream of sweetness" and then a reference to touch - when I'd think you might lead into taste. But then I looked at your words in combination with the image and the stamens (?) of those flowers really look like they are inviting touch - so I think that really works.
So that makes me wonder if the second line shouldn't be something else altogether.
Traveller in the arts
Posts: 49
(5/2/02 12:28 pm) Reply
Re: Haiku with Picture
That's not really true, Pete. Japanese haiku are often illustrated with brush paintings, like many other Asian poetry forms.
PW Earsman Traveller in the arts
Posts: 30
(5/2/02 3:08 pm) Reply
Re: Haiku with Picture
Yes,
I was just making a personal statement. Always dangerous I suppose. Especially in something as subjective as Haiku.
I recant.
If it works for you, do it.
Traveller in the arts
Posts: 12
(5/3/02 1:21 pm) Reply
Re: Haiku with Picture
Well, regardless, I post here for the friendly crits, so -- thank you, Peter, for your comments. And thank you, Wednesday Morning.
PW Earsman Traveller in the arts
Posts: 32
(5/3/02 7:54 pm) Reply
Re: Haiku with Picture
Robert,
I guess in a lot of respects I'm a boring old traditionalist.
I regret my minor brain explosion. Uncalled-for and opinionated.
Sometimes I can't see the destination for the journey.
But one thing - the writer should not appear in a haiku. In effect a haiku is the observation of nature by an invisible poet describing a scene or an event to a non-existent reader -without metaphor or allusion.
A human presence breaks the spell.
Traveller in the arts
Posts: 14
(5/4/02 9:08 am) Reply
Re: Haiku with Picture
Peter, please don't get me wrong. I respect greatly your crits, and I absolutely love what you write, which makes it clear to me that you have a very good sense of the poetic touch. Just for the record though, in HAIKU TECHNIQUES, by Jane Reichhold (as published in the Autumn, 2000 issue of Frogpond, Journal of the Haiku Society of America), she shows this haiku:
wildflowers
the early spring sunshine
in my hand
The article can be found at: http://www.ahapoetry.com/haiartjr.htm
PW Earsman Traveller in the arts
Posts: 33
(5/4/02 10:12 am) Reply
Re: Haiku with Picture
Hi again Robert,
I'm not about to gainsay such an august organ as the Haiku Society of America. Well, not much anyway.
It saddens me that these days, almost any short, pithy poem can be called Haiku. I am equally saddened by the fact that almost any poem with 14 lines can be labeled a 'sonnet.' And tragically, even the 14-line requirement is no longer mandatory it seems.
It would appear that every generation (or so) feels compelled to 'improve' on what has gone before. Or in some cases, 'make easier to write.'
This (compulsion) to smooth out wrinkles and round-off corners to the detriment of subtlety and character seems to have invaded all the arts, not just poetry. But having said that, I am aware that my voice is just that - my voice, and really has no more relevance or importance than that of anyone else. Less than most, some might say.
In any event Robert, I enjoy your poetry very much, and if I dive off into traditionalism and conservatism every now and again, it's just a desire to preserve the seed.
Traveller in the arts
Posts: 15
(5/4/02 1:11 pm) Reply
Re: Haiku with Picture
Mucho Tres Cool, Peter. And the bottom line is, of course, that you are always welcome simply to like or not, as you see fit, as long as you are friendly about it -- and you most certainly are always friendly and polite. Your crits are most welcome and insightful, even if, occasionally, I choose to go my own way!
Re: Haiku with Picture
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