Traumaddict Traveller in the arts
Posts: 30
(1/10/02 7:36 am) Reply
Do You Spank Your Children? Is spanking an appropriate disciplinary action? If not then explain why you are against it. Tell us what other methods of discipline you have used and how they have worked. Show results
Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. - Helen Keller
HRH Queen of Valimar
Posts: 44
(1/10/02 11:44 am) Reply
Re: Do You Spank Your Children?
I didn't vote as nothing listed fit for me. I spanked my daughter once, and my son once. They were slaps on the rear, soft enough not to cause a physical problem, hard enough that they knew I meant business. They never behaved in such a manner that I ever had to spank them again. One of my greatest joys in life was/is that of being a mother. I think kids are neat people!
Now, saunter over to my place, kick off your shoes and just relax!
ATHEISM WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT... My ezboard community
Saundra Kane Traveller in the arts
Posts: 21
(1/23/02 8:13 am) Reply
Re: Do You Spank Your Children?
I didn't have to...my daughter is perfect. Seriously I told her the rules up front and if she chose not to honor them she lost the priviledge that went with the activity in question. I am not a big hitter....so I always think I would try other things first. With my daughter, other things always worked.
Re: Do You Spank Your Children?
All three of our sons were spanked occasionally. Never with anything other than the palm of the hand, and never on anything other than the butt.
They were never given a premeditated spanking, such as, 'Wait 'till your father gets home' kind of scenario common in a previous generation.
Those who advocate sitting a child down and explaining why such and such behaviour is inappropriate are expecting a little much of the child; depending on age etc.
But if a child is wilfully disobedient in terms of behaviour that is potentially dangerous to him/her or others, then a smack at the time works wonders. I say 'at the time' because this is important. Not unlike the training of a dog. To punish a dog too long after the event is not only a waste of time, but is cruel in the extreme.
The child must connect the punishment with the crime. To do otherwise is easily recognised by the child as 'revenge.'
I am a little disconcerted by the current drive to 'spare the rod.' In my job I am daily confronted by disrespectful, rude, objectionable, and downright pain-in-the-ass youngsters who feel they have a right to impinge on the rights of others.
I believe this social attitude is a direct result of an erosion of parental control.
On the other side of the coin, parents who 'beat' their children don't deserve to have them.
On the not unreasonable assumption that parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world, why is it that no training or qualifications are required to be one?
Traveller in the arts
Posts: 2
(4/21/02 3:52 am) Reply
Re: Do You Spank Your Children?
I am a teacher of children with special needs. In that capacity I have never spanked or hit a child..and not just because I'd lose my job.
I think spanking teaches that "might is right." However, I can see why a parent of a toddler who is insisting on pulling out the safety cover on an electrical socket and sticking little fingers in it might resort to a firm hand on a diapered butt. My brother used to go out of his way to touch the stove. In desperation my Mum put his little hand on a burner that was warm enough to scare him..and he never did it again.
At school I try to use natural consequences. If you don't finish your "printing" then you can't do "numbers".. I know that doesn't sound like such a big deal but kids HATE to be left out.. of anything. If a child manages to end up not earning snack or free time I can say in all seriousness; " I am so sorry that you decided not to do your work today. Tomorrow you can have snack or play when you've finished your work." We can commiserate together..no one is mad. BTW I have been doing this for 22 years..it works. That and never holding a grudge or reminding someone of past mistakes.
Interesting post. Thanks. I tend to agree with your point re 'might is right.'
It's a difficult question and it's good that parents these days are at least thinking about the question rather than just following the 'that's the way my parents did it' routine. I don't have kids so really have no practical advice of any value. I take Peter's point about very young kids not being able to appreciate the intricacy of a rational discussion over right and wrong. I do feel that at some stage every child needs to know and be taught the importance of thinking and understanding for themselves the consequences of their actions for themselves and others.
Traveller in the arts
Posts: 3
(4/21/02 9:44 am) Reply
Re: Do You Spank Your Children?
I don't like spanking but I love teaching about consequences.
I had a teen come to my classroom to apply for a co-op placement position. He was an hour late, wore inappropriate clothing and was rude when I said I did not have time to talk at the time he arrived. He complained to his teacher, his principal and his parents. I stuck to my guns and refused him the position, and his teacher and the administration backed me up. His parents said "He's just a kid." My retort to them was that he was just a kid WITHOUT a job. I hope he learned the lesson offered but, with parents like his I seriously doubt it.
Parents need to teach kids to wait in line, be prompt. take turns, share...(I could go on and on!). Life lessons can't be taught by people who don't take time with their kids. It is rather late in the day to be learning manners at seventeen.
Re: Do You Spank Your Children?
I can't help thinking that the lessons our parents don't teach us in childhood/early adulthood get taught to us by life later on, and often in much tougher and sometimes destructive ways.
Traveller in the arts
Posts: 7
(4/21/02 1:48 pm) Reply
Re: Do You Spank Your Children?
Well we also need to teach children to make decisions...even small ones for children are important. If your 3 year old says no to a hat..heck in two minutes little cold ears will teach them that when the weather is cold a hat works; and that mum/dad might just know a thing or two...
Re: Do You Spank Your Children?
Yep, the earlier we learn, the better off we are.
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Unregistered User
(3/22/03 2:59 am) Reply
test
just testing
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Unregistered User
(3/22/03 3:08 am) Reply
hope i never have to spank
I have a son of five. I hope never to spank him as I have always been against such punishment. However, six months I slapped his legs on the way to school when I couldn't control him near a busy road. It worked. I have not smacked him again since (there has been no need), but if the situation arises I am worried that I would now resort to this easy solution again.
Yes.
Yes, I have a 12 year old and a 9 year old and I spank them accordingly to what they've done wrong. eg. If they fail a test, talk back, or forget to do chores. I spank pants down, over the knee and with a paddle. I personally do not think there's anything wrong with it. During the day if one of my children does something wrong, I'll say, okay thats 5 spanks and maybe at dinner they'll misbehave and i'll say okay thats 10 more so then they'd get 15 spanks before they went to bed.
Re: Yes.
I agree with Emma, that it teaches the wrong message. I spanked my oldest son once when he was younger, and I vowed never to do it again. Parenting is not easy, and there are always choices and alternatives when discipline is concerned.
Do You Spank Your Children?
Yes.
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