flourchld Traveller in the Arts
Posts: 19
(3/4/02 11:59 pm) Reply
Bye Joe
Okay, here I go again with my stupid setups...
A good friend of ours died some years ago, it happened after a string of personal losses, and I was more heartsick than I could have ever thought was possible. I know that it is pretty derivative and cliche', but the sentiment is true.
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I see you lying there so still,
my dear, sweet, gentle friend;
I want to see my life with you,
but I know this is the end.
I think back on the times we shared,
so precious and so few;
It breaks my heart, to know that now,
I'll live my life without you.
This brings to mind, with much regret,
all the lives and loves I've lost;
but even more painful yet,
I grieve for those I've not.
So I bid farewell to you my friend,
I shall miss you all of my days;
I'll never forget your sweet, sweet song,
I'll treasure it... always.
::ducking sheepishly::
Please be kind?
Just kidding.... give it to me right between the eyes!
Traveller in the arts
Posts: 9
(4/22/02 1:45 am) Reply
Re: Bye Joe
I liked your poem but I do think the flow of the last lines in each stanza needs adjustment. For example, the first stanza last line would read better in my opinion if it said: but know this is the end.
The flow became awkward and the end of each stanza but the rest was done very well. I admit that I am not a fan of rhyming poetry and despite that I've read this 3-4 times. Thanks.
BTW, I am new to this forum and am not sure if crits are really welcome or not. I hope I did not offend you as that was not my intent al all.
flourchld Traveller in the Arts
Posts: 24
(5/8/02 1:14 am) Reply
Re: Bye Joe
BTW, I am new to this forum and am not sure if crits are really welcome or not. I hope I did not offend you as that was not my intent al all. >>Emma
Of course we are looking for critique! I appreciate it and wasn't offended at all.
Thank you all for reading and/or commenting on it!
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